tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post2014612004492345981..comments2024-03-29T17:19:23.201+05:30Comments on Compulsive Confessions: The Right To Not Get MarriedeMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12716202062654957842noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-77343800322719565322014-03-30T23:07:21.012+05:302014-03-30T23:07:21.012+05:30Forget what everyone is saying. Forget the wedding...Forget what everyone is saying. Forget the wedding (it always looks more fun from the outside). The only thing I genuinely believe, is that, as a married couple it requires you to work that much harder to keep the relationship. Whatever it takes. If you're not bound IN LAW to someone, its so much easier to walk away - I want to up and leave for a thousand different reasons, but these are objectively trivial. If you are successful, liberated, independent, with family and friends behind you, you will not push yourself to try harder to save the relationship. You tell yourself you don't NEED to put up with this from a man. And until you make those compromises, day in and day out, learn to love someone's faults, you won't end up together. Its not easy to stay together. But the point of getting married is to say to the world, I want to spend the REST OF MY LIFE with this person.<br />And so, if you truly love someone and want to be together forever, marry them. Do it alone. do it your way. Because if you can walk out the door, with nothing keeping you there, in fits of temper, in sickness, in disappointment, at some point or the other, you will. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-78389074952680292482014-03-20T10:25:34.531+05:302014-03-20T10:25:34.531+05:30I believe those who have landed on this post were ...I believe those who have landed on this post were sky high contemplating marriage. I liked what you wrote, when two people have found solace in each others company marriage seems nothing more than going through a set of rituals and bagging paper proof. But again there are people who want to go through it as a celebration. It all about what the couple wants and it would be actually nice if people kept their nose out of it. People are mature enough to think what they want and that should be appreciated rather than pressing ideas because of social or any other factors. I am 24, single, loner and going through a phase where "shaadi" rings in my ears every now and then. I dont see myself getting married and neither do I fancy. The only problem I feel is people really start nagging you over this. I am happy and very clear on what I want in my life. It is like an everyday struggle of taking a stand. Hope people will understand as I am not giving up on my freedom and whatever else I love. Glad I read your post. :)Sangita Ekkahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10220031326016147780noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-58145177593898051552014-03-11T16:40:36.486+05:302014-03-11T16:40:36.486+05:30A lot of people seem to confuse 'marriage'...A lot of people seem to confuse 'marriage' with 'wedding'. What most people want is a wedding, which, imho is by no means less than a social evil. My partner and I have been living together for years without being bound by legal documents or social customs, and I feel more secure than many of my legally-wedded friends. I think if simply being in a committed relationship works for you, you'll do just fine!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-83643255355517673952014-03-08T17:16:05.121+05:302014-03-08T17:16:05.121+05:30while I agree with you on the right to your choice...while I agree with you on the right to your choice.. but you sound a little cynical.. believe me there is a state called being happily married that exists!Rajvi Bhow @ Straight talkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00063120689092734571noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-506663586818774862014-03-06T02:37:17.913+05:302014-03-06T02:37:17.913+05:30I've missed this blog. Mostly since google rea...I've missed this blog. Mostly since google reader went away and I can't figure out subscriptions. <br /><br />I was talking to 2 girlfriends in bombay who both live with their folks and it seemed (from my point of view) that having sex seems to be the real issue even with super liberal parents. In a flat or apartment its awkward bringing someone home with your parents right there, like giant boner killers. (unless they've been pre-established as a 'boyfriend-slash-future-husband) <br /><br />Also moving out is not easy without the halo of a marriage. Its a a kushti deal (no bills, food and laundry sorted for them) even though they both earn enough to rent a nice flat together. Also their parents will kick up a bit of a dust, esp if 2 girls move out and live in a flat in the same city. So I've seen marriage in india as 50% parents pushing and 50% practical solution for sex. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-87935754126677484782014-02-26T20:16:43.746+05:302014-02-26T20:16:43.746+05:30Been married eleven years and I can't imagine ...Been married eleven years and I can't imagine living with anyone other than the OA. Can't imagine a better person to spend my life with.<br /><br />BUT - I've never suggested to a friend that they should get married. It's not easy. And the reason is that while the two of you stay the same, things around you change. Inlaws enter the picture, people have different expectations from you. <br /><br />And the truth is, times have changed since I got married. If I'd been a 20-something today, I might have stayed single or lived in too. The only thing I wouldn't have wanted to do is have a baby out of wedlock. Too messy. And a little unfair on the kid if you do have the option of being married. <br /><br />So, more power to you. I'm glad you're not giving in to pressure. the mad mommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14535453643548976883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-36064248103708451142014-02-24T01:17:24.779+05:302014-02-24T01:17:24.779+05:30Earlier, in this writeup, you say that your "...Earlier, in this writeup, you say that your "relationship is driven by practicality". Towards the end you then say that you "do not want to get married to just make life easier". I feel this sends contradictory messages.. If marriage, as an option were to be practical, wouldn't you two go that way? Wouldn't it be more difficult and impractical to resist marriage because you want to make a point to the society, rather than it being something that works for you? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-83654342635608953512014-02-23T14:02:45.019+05:302014-02-23T14:02:45.019+05:30If marriage is just in paper, why dont you get mar...If marriage is just in paper, why dont you get married and leave everything else the same... as how you want it to be...? I am married and I am finding it beautiful (except for cooking food) :-D. Preethznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-2708377209277933372014-02-23T08:51:24.747+05:302014-02-23T08:51:24.747+05:30When did you start letting others opinions matter ...When did you start letting others opinions matter eM? I mean get married if you both want to - or not - have that kid if you both want to or not. Tying someone down with a ceremony n then paperwork seems a lil too practical no? So yeap! Happy 2.5 years and more if thats how you prefer it :)Anu Menonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12011811737233349465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-47881735523225224832014-02-22T14:48:57.151+05:302014-02-22T14:48:57.151+05:30I have been single for quite some time now and hav...I have been single for quite some time now and have wondered about the same thing. I have always believed that commitment is a state of mind and cannot be assured through things like a marriage certificate or a ring. Whenever I find The Guy, I'd like him to be with me for life because he *wants* to be with me. Not because he is legally bound to. While divorce is an easy and quick alternative nowadays, I really do believe that living each day with someone as a choice and being aware of that choice everyday, will only make the bond stronger. <br />TheGrownUpEccentrichttp://thegrownupeccentric.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-88670661559591968872014-02-22T09:24:07.206+05:302014-02-22T09:24:07.206+05:30I feel very grateful and happy to be married to a ...I feel very grateful and happy to be married to a man I'm deeply in love with. We've been married four years now, yet never propagate marriage to our friends. In my opinion marriage is a matter of personal choice and at the end of the day it's all about being in love and being together. Marriage is just a social sanction and if you're happy living together so be it. And once you get married the next question will be "So when are you having kids?", a question I've been dodging all these years now. Maryann Taylorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01163582340349332638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-7858088384925247372014-02-22T02:28:38.785+05:302014-02-22T02:28:38.785+05:30Tat was a cool post :) i do agree to the fact that...Tat was a cool post :) i do agree to the fact that we shouldn't be forced to get married, although i felt like in the part where she talks about her friend asking her not to get married was redundant. here, is is forced not to get married....just like parents pressuring u to get married, ur friends/ already married couples can pressure you not to get married...conflict of ideas. its just wat i feel. :PAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-18147133127640805862014-02-21T15:52:46.975+05:302014-02-21T15:52:46.975+05:30I don’t claim to know any great truth about love o...I don’t claim to know any great truth about love or life or anything; I just know how it happened to me. And I think maybe the universe, is always out to prove you wrong. I was for anything but marriage but things change and all i had to do from there on out was allow myself to enjoy being happy.<br /><br />Best decision I ever made. :)Evelinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03937012521199990453noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-40358454807309386182014-02-21T13:31:24.624+05:302014-02-21T13:31:24.624+05:30You said the exact same things that I have wanted ...You said the exact same things that I have wanted to say for a long time. I have been married because I was turning thirty and since I was not getting a divorce, acquired a license to represent myself. For all the people out there who think marriage is wonderful, your blog is a beacon. Hope you rescue more people from this institution where even I don't belong.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-53742061497706476312014-02-21T12:12:57.044+05:302014-02-21T12:12:57.044+05:30I think its a personal choice and differs from per...I think its a personal choice and differs from person to person. Anyway it was a nice read :) Sandhya Menonhttp://indiabookstore.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-53703892209751792022014-02-21T11:48:32.352+05:302014-02-21T11:48:32.352+05:30Lovely post! And two years already, eh? Seems like...Lovely post! And two years already, eh? Seems like just a few months back when you mention the good thing for the first time. (Been reading your blog since more than 6 years now, I think, and caught up on all that you've ever written here... it seems like I've known you that much and grown up along side you.)<br />As for everything else in your life: do it if you feel like it, if you want to. It doesn't end with marriage. The next question everyone asks is "when are you having kids?" and "why aren't you admitting them to so and so school?" and "why aren't you enrolling them in activity classes?" and... you get the drift? People will always have opinions about what you should do with your life or your relationships. Let them be just that--opinions. Do what makes you happy. A sincere hug for you to say 'I understand'. Be yourself, be cool :)Pallavi Sharmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11772902466628490680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-29790098942489301272014-02-21T09:11:00.030+05:302014-02-21T09:11:00.030+05:30As someone who'd never made marriage a priorit...As someone who'd never made marriage a priority, who hated (and STILL hates) weddings (my own and attending others), and figured that it wasn't really for me, I sometimes still can't believe that I managed to tie the knot at twenty-two and five years down the line, LOVE being married. Sachinkyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17358987461597301580noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-21161252613746124812014-02-21T08:44:53.056+05:302014-02-21T08:44:53.056+05:30its a personal choice, to get married or to just t...its a personal choice, to get married or to just to live with a companion. Just because friends and relatives keep pushing the question, 'when are you guys getting married' one need not forcibly get married. that is not correct. sundarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03306260698645609498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-22842968482757254512014-02-20T22:55:46.577+05:302014-02-20T22:55:46.577+05:30Good post! Yes, ultimately marriage is something t...Good post! Yes, ultimately marriage is something that should be a personal choice, not something forced down individuals' throats by society. Similarly, denying the right to marriage (in cases like inter-race, inter-religion, inter-caste, same-gender) is wrong. And I really liked the lines by the character from your novel.Dancing Fingers Singing Keypadhttp://dfsk.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-2402187228837911482014-02-20T22:20:02.377+05:302014-02-20T22:20:02.377+05:30quoting from your own book...tsk tsk
bolti reh tu...quoting from your own book...tsk tsk<br /><br />bolti reh tu. do saal baad batana. hum ne bhi badi koshish ki thi - we don't want to get married etc - then the parents started throwing tantrums. after 6 months of that, and our relationship going down the toilet as a result we just did it. <br /><br />nothing much has changed frankly. parental relations are much better. win win, baby! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-62383967439149707372014-02-20T20:06:32.661+05:302014-02-20T20:06:32.661+05:30As a happily married woman who married her bf afte...As a happily married woman who married her bf after dating for 4 years, I am surprised at all your married friends asking you not to get married. I love living with my best friend, not because it saves money, but because I love waking up next to him everyday, cuddling up to him, sharing a coffee every morning and I could go on and on and on. And I wonder why two people in love wouldn't want that. Of course one needn't be married to live together and I would never ask a couple when they are getting married. But I would never tell anyone to not get married. Weddings are stressful and I might ask a friend to not have a large wedding. I think couples who don't want to get married are for most part worried about divorces. At least that's what a friend who's been dating this lovely lovely woman for the last 2 years tells me. He feels that they are not there yet and he would much rather go through a break up than a divorce. Jannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-30163301363285540252014-02-20T19:52:17.970+05:302014-02-20T19:52:17.970+05:30You know,Em,the hardest bit about getting all the ...You know,Em,the hardest bit about getting all the wedding invites,is the feeling that you get of being left behind.Specially, if you are the last among the girls in your circle of friends to get married.Some days you want to be the independent ,spunky girl who steps out alone and does whatever and whenever she wants.Other days,you want that feeling of being taken care of by another person who is not family from the beginning and much more than a friend.Your friends look so shiny and you want to be happy for them on their wedding days.And most often than not,you are.But its hard to crush the wistfulness that starts as a catch in your voice and then sometimes makes your eyes shiny too.I am blabbering now.But can I say that this post has come at an appropriate time for me and therefore is really meaningful. I Bisesa IAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-13868963574072067382014-02-20T16:19:16.659+05:302014-02-20T16:19:16.659+05:30Nice work.....for me marriage is myth...sometime i...Nice work.....for me marriage is myth...sometime it looks good and sometime it is bad....once day i will experience..i know the day..No idea what is going to happen....Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18337403081070809984noreply@blogger.com