tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post5501979170317094126..comments2024-03-12T03:51:39.525+05:30Comments on Compulsive Confessions: An email, and a point of vieweMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12716202062654957842noreply@blogger.comBlogger69125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-13244765956848026262009-06-07T15:09:19.649+05:302009-06-07T15:09:19.649+05:30I am late coming here and honeslty... like many ha...I am late coming here and honeslty... like many have said... I have been through physical abuse from loved ones. I understand. But I am cured. I have come to realise that life is all about choices. Might sound crazy but its ok to forgive too. I now know that people are weak. Its no use punishing yourself for what someone else could not do correctly in their life. My mom always says... you don't gather rubbish in your own home to throw it on someone else. I'd rather define the rules of my own life and live it as I want to. I would rather be in the driver's seat and decide where I wanna go. May be I will make mistakes... but then I'd rather label them as events where I had something to take from... rather than label them bad and beleive they happened because something was wrong with me. Nothing is wrong with you Sana. And it was not your fault. It was not your fault. As soon as you beleive that... its gonna be ok. Life can be complicated sometimes. Answers come to those who look for them. Your life and whatever happened has ensured you will never stop growing. You will be a shining light of courage and hope for so many others... just think about how many amazing things will come out of it all. You are strong not just for yourself but for others too. I'd say there is a lot of weight in the saying whatever happens, happens for good. Your destiny is in your hands now. To feel pain or happiness is a choice and you have to make one. So what will it be for you? :) <br /><br />All the love in the world!<br />Take care.Fictional Realityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17671723430843202619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-12711561067601201752009-05-18T14:30:00.000+05:302009-05-18T14:30:00.000+05:30Hi. I am a student of NUJS, Kolkatta currently wor...Hi. I am a student of NUJS, Kolkatta currently working at Breakthrough, Delhi. This post is most interestingly written as it very sensitively deals with the point of view of a women who has been subjected to an abusive relationship and in her letter portrays the most pertinent issue of prevalent domestic violence even after being exposed to adequate education. And you have managed to put the issue in focus quite well.<br /> Well, I work on a youth oriented site called www.bellbajao.org and would love for you to blog on it. Posts like this one, which bring to the fore discussions and debates carrying on in the social media world around sensitive topics like Domestic Violence. This we do, on the Bell Bajao site as well, where we have a category called "Social Media Buzz" which houses blogs highlighting conversations from social networking sites, blogs and other websites.<br /><br /><br />Please visit the site and do write back to me at namratad2224@gmail.com about your thoughts on the campaign. And if you're interested, do blog on the site as well. And if you're a regular blogger, we'd be happy to put you on our blogroll and crosslink your blog page on our site.<br /><br />Thanks and hoping to hear from you,<br />Namrata.namratahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14736251576054595780noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-3759658513897618122009-05-18T10:07:00.000+05:302009-05-18T10:07:00.000+05:30Well, there are a few absoulte assh
#$%s out there...Well, there are a few absoulte assh<br />#$%s out there and unfortunately Sana got hooked up with one! Life's design is incomprehensible and perhaps, there was a reason she went through what she went through... The guy would have his di## fried in pan, not to worry! Sana, I hope love will heal you. Peace.Prathaphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02688128730244278551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-72970888361383791632009-05-18T02:58:00.000+05:302009-05-18T02:58:00.000+05:30disclaimer : long comment :P
ok .. one of my cou...disclaimer : long comment :P <br /><br />ok .. one of my cousin went through an 18 month abusive relationship - physically emotionally mentally .in all dimensions<br />she came out thinking she was the one screwed up !!and even went for therapy !<br /><br />its unbelievable if you get to know about the kind of torture she went through ..<br />now thankfully,she is out of it and happily married to a nice guy...it was easier for her to move on due to family and friends support....<br /><br />the guy has a mental disorder diagnosed by the psychiatrist and it runs in his family ! <br />His parents and his siblings were fine with hitting,abusing each other <br />on a daily basis [ not the normal fights we have at home ] and they thought it was the way a normal family is.<br />They used to throw things,slap each other, say they'll kill the father someday soon..,kick the mother.<br /><br />I could not believe people like this existed actuallyy !<br />and they had the nerve to call my cousin a mental. <br /><br />The psychiatrist said its narcissist disorder,bi polar disorder that run in that family !<br /><br />i do not even want to share the details of what all happened because its sickening to even recall...<br /><br />my cousin had a normal girl of mid twenty something life....partying, hangin with friends, working hard,being independent,.....this guy came into her life , he realized she was very innocent and gullible....made her cut off from friends and family ..made her move in with him, got married and then the abusive part started to show itself more ..and since all of this was rushed...when my cousin was abused ..she could not immediate run for help to family or friends....<br />The guy used to abuse.., say he is sorry later on and it wouldnt happen again or point out to some behaviour of her and blame his abusive behaviour as a reaction to her wrong doing ....<br /><br />its important people know this kinda shit happens ! <br /><br />Actually a lot of these people who abuse are mentally sick and need psychiatric help [ not that it in anyway justifies them abusing others..]<br />also a lot of them were abused or things went wrong in their childhood....again its not a reason for being a monster...<br /><br />there are many many women and men who have grown up to be decent human beings despite similar challenges and abusive backgrounds<br /><br />its important for us to teach our children and women especially not to try so hard ---a lot of women stick in relationships where they are not happy/miserable because they are in love....because they are committed , because they feel the need to try harder, because they think the guy needs another chance.<br /><br />we are very thankful that my cousin got out of it sane...everyone warned her about him as he didnt seem too alright but since she was in love and committed to being with one guy -first guy kinda thing..,she kept at it..<br /><br /><br />it made her grow up [ as she was a very innocent simple kinda person !] and she is on ultra high alert with men !..lucky she found a nice guy ..took her 2 years and lots of care....<br /><br />her self confidence was shaken and she needed a lot of re assurance from us ..and more importantly from herself that she is fine ....!!<br /><br /><br /><br />Sana -- u are great ! :)jus make sure u are happy no matter what [ with or without a man !]<br /><br /><br /><br />Moving away from abusive relationships...,<br />am leaving some general thoughts about the need to be "happy" when "in love" with any guy/gal u are going out with or settling down <br /><br />i see so oo many couples who claim [ maybe are ] in love but soo UNHAPPY ..<br />i know its not for me to judge ..maybe they are happy being "unhappy" and in love<br /><br />i dont know<br /><br />but surely when the girl is crying 4-5 times a week all night for this or that reason <br />...hmm well <br /><br /><br />Women i feel are too idealistic about men or about love --that we continue in unhappyy relationships becuase they <br />think they are in love.<br />second problem lot of women [maybe men too i don't know :P]--- we keep giving in --in the name of love hoping the guy will change in the future....hoping that adjusting now will make the relationship last longer and lead to marriage,family etc....<br /><br />like one of my wise friends pointed out<br /><br />be focussed in the present -- if u are not experiencing ANY happiness at all from being in love RIGHT now.., honey , u aint going to feel happier in the future...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-1723385797859331662009-05-16T14:11:00.000+05:302009-05-16T14:11:00.000+05:30Being just a fifteen year old, I know I might not ...Being just a fifteen year old, I know I might not make a lot of sense.<br />[And why was she going through it alone? It should be okay to get a divorce if your husband treats you badly, why must you be judged for it?] <br />You're absolutely right. <br />I bet people would've wanted her to save her marriage, but I think she did the right thing by saving herself.<br /><br />It takes a lot of time to heal scars,but I'm sure Sana will definitely get a better life. No, she'll get the better life that she absolutely deserves.<br /><br />Sana is brave and kudos to her for actually talking about it.<br /><br />Thanks a lot for this post, eM. It was an eye-opener.Mannyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13589937312421657009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-19942266104564423742009-05-15T18:55:00.000+05:302009-05-15T18:55:00.000+05:30this is highly mushy coming from you, though i rea...this is highly mushy coming from you, though i read you i never commented. here goes my first. kudos, good work comps..:)))))Moehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06748349720721806003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-29838091658883163922009-05-15T12:45:00.000+05:302009-05-15T12:45:00.000+05:30I have been married for 3 months and and my husban...I have been married for 3 months and and my husband has been physically abusive twice. My in-laws refuse to acknowlege the abuse as an issue, at times my folks too. Unfortunately there is no quick fix. A part of me still believes that this guy will be fine but will need psychiatric help. Thanks eM and Sana for the post. And Sana i know it must have taken a lot of courage to do what you have done. Take care.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-43037354866534769872009-05-14T22:50:00.000+05:302009-05-14T22:50:00.000+05:30Reminds me of a movie called Absolute Strangers wh...Reminds me of a movie called Absolute Strangers where a bunch of strangers debate on whether a pregnant woman in a coma has the right to abort or not.<br /><br />A woman's rights are always questioned and discussed and endlessly debated on, as though the majority's voice will somehow have an impact. Now this topic opens up so many issues it's pretty hard to stay on the relevant track.<br /><br />Anyway, a divorce can happen for a variety of reasons and not all of them may make sense to parties who are not involved in the marriage. And should they? Should all divorces come preapproved by at least by one neighbour, moralpolice, well wisher?<br /><br />Besides, physical abuse in a marriage is slowly being accepted as reason enough for a woman to get out. But emotional abuse? If there are no visible scars all seems to be well.<br /><br />As to the highly enlightened soul who puts the blame squarely on BPOs and the YINGLISH language for such a degraded state of affairs and seems thankful for Sana to have learned a Life Lesson, you should write a book. Preferably not in YINGLISH.Noirehttp://nocturnetales.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-53560387374955130902009-05-14T20:21:00.000+05:302009-05-14T20:21:00.000+05:30Many people are using the word "SAD STORY"
bt frm ...Many people are using the word "SAD STORY"<br />bt frm where I see.....its a story with happy ending(SANA is happy...)<br />ya she might be having problems in trusting...bt im sure she will surely fight that also....<br /><br />ONE QUES I WANNA ASK U specially ladies...<br />Is taking Divorce enough??<br />why dont u think of kicking that person's ass so that he remembers that lesson through out his life..<br /><br />Another thing I am curious about is.....<br />What people mean by this "SOCIETY"???wht it comprises of...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-27412761907027170492009-05-14T15:11:00.000+05:302009-05-14T15:11:00.000+05:30Hi!!
I've been following ur blog( in newspaper) fo...Hi!!<br />I've been following ur blog( in newspaper) for quite some time now. Its you who inspired me to create my blog. However I'm only a beginner now nad will improvise with due time. <br /><br />I'll appreciate if you can give me some feedback on my articles and tips to blog!! It'll really make my day...<br /><br />http://blunt-diplomat.blogspot.com/<br /><br /><br /><br />Thanks<br />Ur Admirer!hek..Phttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17743084363499229008noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-12167714663202674902009-05-13T21:09:00.000+05:302009-05-13T21:09:00.000+05:30It is heart-warming to see comments pouring in suc...It is heart-warming to see comments pouring in such huge numbers for this post. And I know more than that is required to address such issues.<br /><br />A few years ago, I myself had a half-baked opinion of divorces. Yes, even then I always had the painful reality of abusive marriages in mind - but in a corner of my mind. Since then things have changed and I have looked at things a lot more practically.<br /><br />And I think if the divorce is the way to save a beleaguered individual from the straits imposed cruelly by wedlocks in individual circumstances or systems, then it should be available.<br /><br />On the aside I agree to an earlier comment here: we probably look at failed marriages with an unconsciously gloating feeling probably because we revel in others' failures in some things where we ourselves are relatively successful. As for me a uniformly conservative - I do not know if I can call it that - view of divorce is as good or as bad as having a uniformly free choice of divorce (I mean when the circumtances to make a relationship work aren't so strained).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-66321640971956326812009-05-13T15:04:00.000+05:302009-05-13T15:04:00.000+05:30Indeed a gut wrenching read. My heart goes out to ...Indeed a gut wrenching read. My heart goes out to Sana and wish best of her life. <br /><br />But then, eM, Don't you think many of us make a big hue about Men's world and Bechari Women, stereotyping the whole male spieces, when, there could be many Men who would have experienced the same or simillar from Female. There are and would be many, much more cases then we actually are aware of, of a Man being physically beaten and Mentally totured by women. <br /><br />Its just that Man don;t tent to come out open bcz of his typical "Man's Ego" or being looked soft among his mates. But trust me, there are. And I can say this with full convictions of being a Men. <br /><br />However, such moronic beasts like (Sana's Hubby) make me feel disgusting for being a Man. I wudnt say more... for again same reasons.! but there are cases with other-way-round.!!Samnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-19653011580821476162009-05-13T11:36:00.000+05:302009-05-13T11:36:00.000+05:30A question I would ask the liberated women here.. ...A question I would ask the liberated women here.. how do you judge your guy ?. <br /><br />In my search experience for a bride through parents,Let me tell you, I for one, dont drink or smoke and have clear morals when it comes to pre marital & extra marital relationships.So I would expect my partner to share similar values. I must confess, that most of the women i meet, find me too traditional/conservative for their liking. <br />Now whom you choose, a liberated guy with drinking habit(to not restrain your own drinking) and history of failed relationships (so he has no issues with your past). Now when the choice of guy is made on such premises, and later you complain of abusive relationships. <br /><br />I totally sympathise with Sana and pain, as I have personally witnessed a close family member going through the pain. <br /><br />But in the guise of being liberated, I wonder are women really making the right choices?<br /><br />Are our culture & traditional values are any relevant in such decisions?Guy with an alternate viewnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-48942499858163967202009-05-13T02:47:00.000+05:302009-05-13T02:47:00.000+05:30Sana ur a really strong woman to be able to walk o...Sana ur a really strong woman to be able to walk out like that. i wish i had ur guts, i'm too scared to react even when someone eve-teases me. i jus ignore it. dont know what i would have done if i'd been in ur situation.the worst part is society always blames the woman, that she must have brought it upon her. bt then its not this so called society which is suffering.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-40396988250907365582009-05-12T23:50:00.000+05:302009-05-12T23:50:00.000+05:30Sana u r a brave women, it takes a lot of courage ...Sana u r a brave women, it takes a lot of courage to step out of a marriage and face this society. Though there will always be people who point fingers, there will be those who will be inspired by your courage. I admire you for what you are. <br /><br />Thanks eM for posting this!Perceptionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00920083979235188445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-45954989773565201012009-05-12T23:26:00.000+05:302009-05-12T23:26:00.000+05:30I think I am going to repeat what most of the peop...I think I am going to repeat what most of the people here have already said, that it is a story that makes me sad.. and I wish that she did not have to face that... It must have taken guts for Sana to come out like this. I hope that she becomes a stronger person...<br /><br />I am a to be lawyer and my father and my grandfather both are advocates. I have seen my fair share of divorce cases and bickering couples both in the office and at home. One of my cousin got divorced within a year of her marriage... that too after dating her husband for 10 years. And truth be told, most of her closer family- never really believed that she was never at fault. My family knows the details, because -My father negotiated the divorce. Its a hard world for women who have suffered a divorce... I wonder, why does the society look down upon the woman who stood up for her right... To a better life... When will the double standards in our society really end??Sakshihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13560563322184558228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-65914382099623929802009-05-12T13:46:00.000+05:302009-05-12T13:46:00.000+05:30wauh,..so much realistic_fable comments for this p...wauh,..so much realistic_fable comments for this post.<br /><br />We challenge you any woman can overcome against this cruelity?.Here none of you can not make any action for any issue, lack of your energy..The best solution is declare a strike against this issue in one date and beat men publicly. Everyone should aware about of the matter..This is the only one way of solution and the Indian Law must open eyes if it strike goes two or three.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-8195229080802831942009-05-12T12:43:00.000+05:302009-05-12T12:43:00.000+05:30I believe that the sum total of happiness in a hum...I believe that the sum total of happiness in a human's life is always a constant, which means that everybody, good or bad, Ugly or beautiful, rich or poor, will feel the same level of distress and happiness. All one needs to do is to keep moving on, and actively seeking happiness.<br /><br />@ Sana, You will find ur happiness and it will take all your pain away if you actively seek it. All the best.Operative Knick-Knackshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06623433347922121229noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-65737850169831430732009-05-12T12:13:00.000+05:302009-05-12T12:13:00.000+05:30Didnt think it would come out in the open, ever. I...Didnt think it would come out in the open, ever. I wrote about my sexual abuse as a child in my blog. Turns out, wrong thing to do. I got threatened to remove it off my blog. *sigh* . Whatever happened to "freedom of expression". <br /><br />I went through an abusive relationship as well. When I was all of 20. He was a drug addict and one day, in a fit of rage broke my nose. Now, I know this sounds horrible to a lot of people but at that time, I didnt even know how bad it was and can you believe it, I went back to him, thinking that I could make a difference. He loves me and he will never do it again. even his mother supported him and you know what she said "he only hits those people who he loves". amazing iniit, how blind a mother can be. He used to hit her as well. I was completely dissillusioned. And I was so horrible wrong. A couple of months later, he beat me up, tore all my clothes and left me out in the street in the middle of the night. He even kept my bag and phone. It was just pure luck that I had some money in my pocket. I bought a shirt from the gaurd of the apartments for a 100 bucks, took a cab and came back home. He came to my house the next day, apologising and promising that it would never happen again. I threw him out. <br /><br />Now, I know that people will think I was stupid to not do this the first time. But you see, for things like these you have to hit your own bottom. You have to realise when you can take no more of it. Now, if I ever see an abusive relationship, I cant stop myself from lashing out. I cant bear the thought of another woman going through it. But I also know, that there are a lot of women who done want help. They are happy in their sad little situations and are trying to live their lives the best way they can. Its not necessary that every woman in an abusive relationship is looking for a way out and no amount of talking or explaining would help. They have to realise it on their own. <br /><br />I have issues trusting men too. Its been six years since that relationship. But I am healing, slowly but surely. <br /><br />I am not looking for a miracle. I just hope that one day I would reach the stage where I can post this comment in my own name and not anonymously. <br /><br />May Sana find her peace and love.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-15817410528399453142009-05-12T09:38:00.000+05:302009-05-12T09:38:00.000+05:30This is indeed a sad story. What's worse is - on t...This is indeed a sad story. What's worse is - on the one hand we make a woman the First Citizen of the country to show how much we've progressed, while on the other, a divorced woman is still a social pariah. So much so, that a woman would rather commit suicide than get a divorce. Things must change, and they must right now, beginning with our perception.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13573362121499222435noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-29693024550803316032009-05-11T23:16:00.000+05:302009-05-11T23:16:00.000+05:30Like everyone else here, I also think it was reall...Like everyone else here, I also think it was really nice of Sana to share her story, and it was a neat idea of eM's to write about it. I think women need, more than anything else, an active support system, whether it's online, on a Blog, or in person. Women the world over need to speak up about these horrid issues that are very, very real. We all have voices, but combined, we all have a roar. Maybe then, we'll be heard.~R~https://www.blogger.com/profile/04859554104153213218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-5387113364566110372009-05-11T21:53:00.000+05:302009-05-11T21:53:00.000+05:30The worst part about such guys is that they make y...The worst part about such guys is that they make you realize that all this is your fault and you believe them.. And even after so much you still have feelings for them for which you hate yourself..Upseehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14489775827388572189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-14918723801246485132009-05-11T16:53:00.000+05:302009-05-11T16:53:00.000+05:30I live in the Middle East right now, have done so ...I live in the Middle East right now, have done so for the past 2 years...and although divorce, at least in this particular country, is common, it's always the woman who ends up getting the raw deal.<br /><br />I think Sana is incredibly brave for firstly choosing to tell a stranger all about the horror she's been through; and for allowing that stranger to put up (some of) the details on what is a very well-read and well-known blog. Somewhere women are reading excerpts of what she's told eM and thinking "oh my god, that's me. it's time to get out."<br /><br />I hope you're happier now, Sana, and that things get easier for you!Namratahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17712989465730024006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-55357478665089629742009-05-11T15:50:00.000+05:302009-05-11T15:50:00.000+05:30Dear eM
I find that the blogs you write when you ...Dear eM<br /><br />I find that the blogs you write when you look inward with honesty are usually your best.<br /><br />This hasn't been the case for a while now - although I am sure it must be tougher to look inward with as much honesty publicly now that you are no longer anonymous.<br /><br />I hope you can start doing this again, since that is what made is blog such a therapeutic read.Blackbirdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13619284798549858340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-42862124353694616262009-05-10T23:08:00.000+05:302009-05-10T23:08:00.000+05:30Yes, luckily, I too have been with men who respect...Yes, luckily, I too have been with men who respected women...<br /><br />Recently, my neighbour ( who moved in some time ago) confessed to my mom that her husband often subjected her to domestic violence of unspeakable extremes. This woman is highly educated, with 2 grown up children. The daughter, about 25 years old, is educated too, but is pretty much house-bound and not allowed to leave the house much. The mother has been in this abusive relationship for decades. Why? For the children? When, in fact, it would have been better for them had she left? I don't know.. it's easy for us to talk from a 3rd person's point of view, I guess. I feel shocked to think of this evil living just beyond my house. It is a scary thought.<br /><br />I would like to thank Sana for sharing her story, it has helped us all... Best of luck with your life, Sana. May you have happiness always.<br /><br />And Em, I have been a regular reader. Only, too lazy to comment.SJnoreply@blogger.com