tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post5083876688012809972..comments2024-03-20T15:50:48.991+05:30Comments on Compulsive Confessions: Musings on multiculturalismeMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12716202062654957842noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-89249137030855754422010-03-22T00:24:51.800+05:302010-03-22T00:24:51.800+05:30I loved this post.
I'd always been the kind o...I loved this post.<br /><br />I'd always been the kind of girl who could fall in love with everyone. He was my first real love. Sincere amore as they call it.<br /><br />And, he did completely break my heart. So, I wonder if I was the 'singapore/bby/insert thriving metropolis girlfriend' cos he wasn't an accessory. Even as I know I wasn't.. <br /><br />Just, thank you for articulating this so beautifully. So many of my friends never managed to see him past his firangi-ness. I hope yours have gotten the chance to.Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09013067080231582682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-36955397315019946182010-01-15T10:05:46.547+05:302010-01-15T10:05:46.547+05:30I love your blog and what you wrote in this post i...I love your blog and what you wrote in this post is something that I had wanted to tell everyone around me for a while. I am an Indian girl and 've been dating a non-Indian for over 4 years now and I should say, we still keep the flames alive unlike some people said, foriegn men are "only interested in flings with Indian women."Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14541235837148690025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-78114453260855543862009-12-23T18:34:01.172+05:302009-12-23T18:34:01.172+05:30Interesting! Do you know Animesh Rai? He's an ...Interesting! Do you know Animesh Rai? He's an Indian scholar who is exploring diverse aspects of Indian multiculturalism. He's got a few entries of a bilingual blogspot. As well as Edouard Glissant, who you could say is the thinker of the multicultural relationships!enpleinjourhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16315899326049534934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-63412437100653554872009-12-20T18:08:52.978+05:302009-12-20T18:08:52.978+05:30Sorry to be petty, but dont you mean musings on in...Sorry to be petty, but dont you mean musings on interculturalism? You cant be in a multicultural relationship, only an intercultural one. I thought this would have been common sense, aren't you a hot shot writer?Divya108https://www.blogger.com/profile/08195518667110243085noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-51115671600911190322009-12-14T08:56:24.175+05:302009-12-14T08:56:24.175+05:30@ Nandini: It's so much easier to point a fing...@ Nandini: It's so much easier to point a finger from the other side of the fence. If you could only understand how difficult it is for a white man-Indian girl relationship, especially in India, you would think twice before posting your comment. Everytime you're outside of your house, you have people staring at you. There is no privacy, often you feel like you're at a petting zoo. You're looked at as a traitor of your country, for having fallen in love with a white man. <br />We, in inter-cultural relationships, don't make it a point to talk about the 'foreign' status, because we're in love with the person, not his nationality. At least, the ones in stable, long-term relationships... you realise how futile it is. It's everyone around us that hypes it up as the next biggest thing after the big bang.<br />So kindly don't make such pertinent comments without being in that boat. Fortunately, we've seen both sides of the story - Indian men and European men. And it's our choice to be with who we want to be with.<br />It's a tragedy that it's blown so out of proportion, that even writing a post about it makes you come across as someone playing "on your boyfriend's foreign status". Come out of it! And try and understand what we go through, each and every day. Each time we introduce him to Indian society.Shayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01894801428692254119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-82221451585325738632009-12-14T08:49:02.767+05:302009-12-14T08:49:02.767+05:30I'm an Indian girl with a French boyfriend.......I'm an Indian girl with a French boyfriend.... couldn't relate to this post more. We've been together for quite a while, and I see myself growing old with him... <br />I've been told so many times "Look at you going international with your men!" or "How did you manage to 'get' a French boyfriend?". <br />It's sad that when it comes to an inter-cultural relationship, India isn't as liberated as it should be.<br />Why am I with Flavien? Exactly why you're with JC. <br /><br />And yes, if I had to do this again, I'd have it exactly this way. Inspite of what society has to say.Shayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01894801428692254119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-1997558447083766372009-12-11T08:32:45.572+05:302009-12-11T08:32:45.572+05:30You seem more obsessed with your boyfriend's f...You seem more obsessed with your boyfriend's foreign status than any of your readers...maybe people question you on your multi cultural relationship(or whatever) because you make it a point to highlight/talk about his FOREIGN/GORA status at the drop of a hat...come off it...now who is using a boyfriend as an accessory...maybe it would be more natural if you talked about him like an individual without the tag of "Foreigner"...and men being commitment phobic etc. is not a geographical characteristic...its an individual thingLuluhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15870984472528121534noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-76217900343328980702009-12-11T08:19:15.447+05:302009-12-11T08:19:15.447+05:30This comment has been removed by the author.Luluhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15870984472528121534noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-70650081472336030092009-12-10T15:45:37.281+05:302009-12-10T15:45:37.281+05:30aw c'mon...ofcourse it doesn't matter if h...aw c'mon...ofcourse it doesn't matter if he's black or white, but i'm not willing to undermine the power of inter-racial desire. Why every Indian woman wants a firangi guy is exactly the same reason Indian men are programmed to think of the blonde woman as uber sexy.zizactlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04057034790225713320noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-24832351794898777772009-12-07T20:08:18.316+05:302009-12-07T20:08:18.316+05:30Excellent post! I really enjoyed reading it. I wil...Excellent post! I really enjoyed reading it. I will be back for more!<br />Sincerely,<br />neHA<br />http://www.ebooksclub.infoGOVT JOBS PREPARATIONhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12019519319378637114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-27190570715947481402009-12-05T10:02:42.548+05:302009-12-05T10:02:42.548+05:30I loved this post. Usually, when I think about thi...I loved this post. Usually, when I think about this topic for myself, I get defensive - and what I loved most about your take is that you didn't.<br /><br />Ultimately, it really isn't about Indian men vs. non-Indian men or some such division. Certainly, there are a few factors which make a difference, and they are influenced by one's background - I need to be with someone liberal and worldly, for instance, and I might be more likely to find that in a foreigner who's ventured far out of his comfort zone and into south India than in someone who's never left the state. It's personality, not culture, that wins in the end.<br /><br />I'm very happy for you - wishing you both the very best. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-18578446634291826072009-12-05T00:06:55.566+05:302009-12-05T00:06:55.566+05:30The idea that English girls believe that they and ...The idea that English girls believe that they and their partner should be 'completely equal' is a myth. Or at least a huge generalisation about the grass on the other side. You just have to take a walk on a Friday night in this country to see the cringe-worthy ways in which young women subordinate themselves to their men. Patriarchy is a reality in many/most cultures- this one included. If you are attempting to show it a thumbs down- good for you. And good for everyone else in whichever culture who is doing the same.bendinggenderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10165946809663006168noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-60204583275975867042009-12-04T20:14:28.656+05:302009-12-04T20:14:28.656+05:30There are people who will always comment on dating...There are people who will always comment on dating folks from other cultures let alone countries. Even within India there are walls which stand tall whenever alliances from diverse Indian geographic cultures are mentioned<br /><br />Why do you think Chetan Bhagat's latest work was a runaway hit?Pesto Saucehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07644344820243182801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-81000220071277185312009-12-03T12:25:27.487+05:302009-12-03T12:25:27.487+05:30I think the keywords here should be (for everyone)...I think the keywords here should be (for everyone): "in my experience." So, while I find other multicultural couples more open minded and well travelled than others, bloreboyyo finds that western men are just looking for little indian girl stereotypes, someone "domesticated" and "homely", someone spoilt and entitled. fair enough. <br />but bloreboyyo, i wasn't insulting indian men, just the ones i've dated.<br />@second innings: again "in my experience" NRIS tend to fall into two categories--one lot that's still connected to India in some way, but accepts and appreciates that things have to change in any developing country and another lot who go positively ballistic if anything 'back home' isn't as it used to be at the time of their parents migration.<br />@ everyone else: thank you for sharing your multicultural relationships with me. might i suggest posting about it on your blog and putting a link here for more resources?eMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12716202062654957842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-33221368515668129122009-12-03T12:22:10.697+05:302009-12-03T12:22:10.697+05:30I once tried talking about multiculture relationsh...I once tried talking about multiculture relationships to a friend and miserably failed. Maybe I'll show him this post to convince him that nationality doesn't matter. I once had a Korean boyfriend, and i totally agree with you: <i>Nationality, like it or not, conjures up a lot for other people. But, at the end of the day, he is my boyfriend and my best friend, and it doesn't matter if he's white or brown or green or purple. (Although, purple might be kind of cool!)</i><br />Except for the purple part, because green >purple :PMannyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13589937312421657009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-38241095790091017862009-12-03T11:01:50.629+05:302009-12-03T11:01:50.629+05:30@bloreboyyo - :) looks like theres no space to eve...@bloreboyyo - :) looks like theres no space to even express an opinion without getting our heads bitten off. Why talk about anything else?<br /><br />Whatever!!VJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17006449751921032542noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-19247814230638430072009-12-02T22:24:57.307+05:302009-12-02T22:24:57.307+05:30..and did it occur to you that Western guys who li.....and did it occur to you that Western guys who like Indian girls are looking for <i>less</i> independent minded women than the ones they dated back home? The fact that you're looking for your partner's permission to be independent makes you the dependent person that he seeks.<br />Sorry to sound like a jerk, but someone has to stand up for Indian men in this comment space.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-90729725513027695982009-12-02T20:35:39.222+05:302009-12-02T20:35:39.222+05:30@V, SC
Simply saying that many Indian women lack ...@V, SC<br /><br />Simply saying that many Indian women lack the confidence to shine in their own light. Perhaps a result of growing up in our misogynistic culture. This leads them into relationships with men who can prop them up, rather than relate to them.<br />Why look to a foreign partner to give you space and independence? Can't you find that by yourself?<br />Most men (Indian or Western) are not controling and creepy. But if this has been your experience with Indian men, then maybe you're looking in the wrong places?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-68868747115557327292009-12-02T17:56:08.069+05:302009-12-02T17:56:08.069+05:30I guess I can understand what you mean, because ju...I guess I can understand what you mean, because just a month back I married into a different community and I know what I've been through to convince my mum that I'm marrying a human being and not into a different species. It's true that parents come around after they see how happy you are. I guess it takes Indian parents longer to accept that their "children" (and by that I mean us lot in our 20's) are finally grown adults who can make independent decisions and also take responsibility for our our decisions. <br /><br />I think we need to be able to accept and listen and try to understand instead of judging instantly, something our culture does really well.<br /><br />P.S- eM, I hope I haven't drifted away from the topic :) Just speaking out of experience!!Maryann Taylorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01163582340349332638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-89331261855426228672009-12-02T13:46:11.313+05:302009-12-02T13:46:11.313+05:30@bloreboyyo
Didn't really understand the point...@bloreboyyo<br />Didn't really understand the point you were making about popularity, but the reason an Indian woman assumes that any male interest in her is negative is because it usually is. Most of the men who come up to women in bars or clubs are complete creeps who can't take no for an answer. I'm not saying all of them are, so this probably ruins it for the nice normal ones who aren't creeps.Stoner Chickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14785906007938023758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-28064344234134780572009-12-02T12:19:28.808+05:302009-12-02T12:19:28.808+05:30eM - speaking as a syncretic creature (Indo-West) ...eM - speaking as a syncretic creature (Indo-West) or otherwise tagged as NRIs - curious to find out on your take on them as mates? Are they more confused being split or more attuned to one or another?Second Innings.....https://www.blogger.com/profile/09104608768019936212noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-2002905442832200352009-12-02T11:46:17.545+05:302009-12-02T11:46:17.545+05:30My first comment on your blog. I want to reply to ...My first comment on your blog. I want to reply to bloreboyyo. "Foreign Men" are more appealing to me because they are more independent, give you your space and are not tied to their mommas. <br /><br />This has been my experience, with all due respect to the Indian men out there.VJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17006449751921032542noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-62049347079180987312009-12-02T01:27:17.801+05:302009-12-02T01:27:17.801+05:30Hey, I've been reading you for a while now and...Hey, I've been reading you for a while now and have commented once before. Usually I am too lazy to comment although I enjoy your writing. Just had to have my two cents here as I married my best friend who is from the U.K. We've been in India for the past year on research leave and we often get quizzical reactions from people all over the country which can be both amusing and annoying. <br /><br />At the end of the day if you're compatible as a couple separate nationalities do not matter! As you say the heart knows and wants what it wants... <br />More happiness to you and JC. xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-5400464667512203952009-12-01T22:51:48.682+05:302009-12-01T22:51:48.682+05:30Here's my experience with Indians who date / m...Here's my experience with Indians who date / marry out of their community. I'm certainly not implying that this is the case with you.<br />Most girls under the age of 30 are primarily concerned with popularity. They date men they perceive to be popular in the hope that some of that popularity reflects back on them. Foreign men who hang out in groups that are predominantly Desi tend to benefit from their uniqueness thanks to this phenomenon.<br />Indian men who date white women do so because they are sick of the drama involved with dating Indian women. Desi girls are brought up to believe that they are little princesses. Most of them assume that any male interest in them should discouraged, since it is probably negative. If you walk up and say Hi to a white girl in a club she will probably say Hi back. Do the same to an unknown Indian girl and you get the cold shoulder – so why bother?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7382033.post-32238043478424163452009-12-01T12:00:17.321+05:302009-12-01T12:00:17.321+05:30This comment has been removed by the author.Tweedle Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09361291809793555140noreply@blogger.com