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22 January 2014

Quora asks, "Why is it difficult to date an Indian girl in general?"

Found on the internet, this piece-of-work question on Quora. But what's even more depressing is all the Indian men rushing to answer the question. These are the people we live amongst. I could only find ONE answer from an Indian woman (the first one), the other top voted ones are all Indian men going, "Boo hoo, women have so many rights now and they're taking it all out on us."

Anyhow, here are the best of the replies, edited for brevity, and presented here without comment, but with emphases mine:

"I am an Indian girl studying in a college in Delhi. Let me begin by saying that I am "very easy to date". I socialize, interact with people, have loads of male friends, make the first move and have dated many guys. And I have broken up with guys and guys have broken up with me too. I move on and am honest about everything I do and feel. Neither do I get dependent on the person I am with nor do I cry and crib if they leave.
I study in a college which treated me well initially. I was popular. People liked me, asked me out, became friends with me. It did not make me uncomfortable. I was just fine with it. I never restrained myself. I did not shun anyone rudely. I did not refrain from being comfortable with guys. I did not hide my relationships. 
And then things changed. I was labelled a whore, by girls and boys alike. Because, I "dated". 
People used to call me a slut because I used to accept their friend requests on Facebook without being good friends with them. Incidentally, Facebook is a "social network" that is meant for connecting better with people. But apparently only a girl with a loose character can add people from her own college!! And of course, if a girl who is your batchmate, with whom you have 60 mutual friends has added you, it means "Come have sex with me because I am really promiscuous." In no way does she mean that she trusts your maturity and finds it worth staying in touch with the so called ignited minds of the country!!
I thought that like the popularity, the infamy would not affect me either. But it did. I used to cry. I decided to withdraw. At a point of time, I actually started doubting my own dignity. Had I actually compromised it? I stopped interacting with people. I am not on Facebook. And I no more feel like going out with anyone. Because I am tired of getting disappointed (from the reaction it generates from those around me). I am not open to dating anymore.
I realized that I had probably been wrong. Not because of my actions or lifestyle. But because of expecting more from the people around me, than they are prepared to deliver. 
Our society is simply not ready for things like dating. It boasts of being modern. It is not. It judges, labels, concludes. Things like dating, sex and girls like me send a shiver down the spine of this society, which ironically, has proven to be spineless. It squirms at the thought of accepting sexuality."  (Full answer)

"Let me speak for the group I represent - the average Indian adult male (engineer?).
I was born around the time the economy opened up. I belonged to a middle class family. Most of my childhood was spent in a nuclear family. I did not make too many friends and had a very limited social life.
Coming back to my point about liberalization, now, western products and ideas found their way into the Indian market. This extended right from consumer products to television programming to financial services. Maybe they had a presence before, but not to as large an extent. People watched Friends, listened to Eminem, ate Lays, watched the EPL. I was there. So where in all this does the western concept of dating make its grand entry?
It doesn't. Maybe for some it did, but for the large majority of us, it just didn't. 
Girls existed, but quite curiously it seemed like you could get one only if you were rich or cool. It was hard to tell the difference really, at least in the circle I grew up in, which itself was the equivalent of a barren island in terms of population.
The girls, meanwhile, were going through the same thing, I suppose. They possibly had the additional concern of physical safety, which resulted in a no-first-move policy, which has famously worked very poorly even in world wars. And the curious case I mentioned above was true here too.
Anyway, so after school it was time to secure admission into an IIT (without exception). It was every parent's dream, and every child's nightmare. Well, for most children for sure. 
So, college. Some of us made it, some of us didn't. Most of us were unhappy anyway. The whole thing was hard to rationalize. The unhappiness naturally made us uncomfortable and most of us gravitated towards the 'Maggi' 2-minute happiness capsules. Alcohol, drugs, masturbation. Quick fixes. Since most were not there because they wanted to be there anyway, it did not really hurt that we were missing out on the real education we had signed up for. In fact, at the time, I recall that most believed that the 'first-aid' self-abuse was the 'real education'. Basically, for a few years, we all turned into confused American teenagers who had just hit puberty. Without the kissing. The advantage was that we could probably still solve a differential equation, but that's just sad.
Some of the smarter guys went for the contrarian approach here and stayed off the junk, and landed some good girls during this period. But for the majority, it was status-quo.
By the time we graduated, any dating skills that our primitive ancestors would have congenitally bestowed on us would have vanished. Now on the job, most of us just hope for a short conversation with that cute girl in office. That's it. That's how far away we are from Venus.
Of course, it's not all bleak. Some will still manage to find love. Some will use the matrimonials. But only for a tiny few will it be a smooth ride.
Indian men are not physically or mentally inferior to their western counterparts. We have just not had the practice. Awareness leads to interest. Interest leads to learning. Learning leads to practice. Practice leads to improvement. It's that simple.
We are still stuck at ignorance.
Indian girls, for their part, are perpetually insecure about their looks, frightfully concerned about their safety (not without reason), and also stuck at ignorance, of course. They also have a Walmart of options for men in terms of colour, race, religion, language, etc. which is no paradise, but when you have options at least your future is secure (rudimentary fin fundae).
Why is it hard to date an Indian girl? Why is there no Indian in the world's top 10 tennis players? Why do some Indians in the villages think Indira Gandhi is the current Prime Minister? Ignorance. Inertia. India." (Full answer)

"I was arrested for talking to an Indian woman.
I have some knee problems these days. I went to see a specialist. He saw my X-ray report and recommended a few exercises, along with meds and told me to come back in two weeks.
My mother was there with me, and she suffers from arthritis. She was getting her diagnosis, while I was already free.
I saw this doctor, she looked nice. I didn't approach her, for her colleagues and patients were all around her. We had a good eye contact a couple of times. My Mom told me that it'd take her a few more minutes, and I encouraged her to take her time.
In about 15 minutes, this doctor, this woman... she got out of her room and walked towards the stairs. I followed her, and basically asked her to stop. 
Me: Stop
She: Yes?
Me: We should get together this weekend.
Her: Why?
Me: We'll have fun. Maybe get a cup of coffee or something!
Her: Get lost...
I walked away and sat down on the sofa, waiting for my Mom to come back.
In a few minutes, the chief of security asked me to step into his office. I went there. The woman had apparently complained that I had harassed her. Her boss, the senior doctor (SD) was also there. 
SD: What did you say to her?
Me: To who?
SD: To her... (pointing to her)
Me: What's it to you?
SD: I'll tell what it is to me you punk. I'll call the cops.
Me: I merely asked her out, she said no, and I walked away.
SD: (To his security staff) Don't let him go.
So I went back and sat on my chair. In a couple minutes, my Mom stepped into the room, and signaled that she was ready to leave. We left, but since my knees were hurting, I didn't walk fast. In less than 30 seconds, almost 30 security people surrounded me, four or five jumped me, and forcefully dragged me back in.
At this point, my Mom went berserk. She started crying and begging and pleading. She didn't know what the deal was. She started crying hysterically. With all that commotion, all eyes were on me. I could literally feel the heat of hatred from all those eyeballs, but I thought to myself, "No matter. I didn't do anything wrong."
In that dragging, my shirt got torn too.
I went back inside, and sought to speak to some senior doctor. I thought maybe the SD I had spoken to earlier might want to reason. But upon seeing me, he told me that he'd destroy me. His words, not mine.
My mother is crying and begging now, at this point. She tells me to apologize. I say, "Look I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. But if I stepped over any toes or crossed any lines, then I apologize. I didn't mean to disrespect anyone."
The police arrive. Some Policemen. They ask me what happened. Then they ask the girl what happened. I don't know what she told them. I told them exactly what had happened, and I was pretty sure that they'd side with me seeing as how nothing really had happened.
Lo and behold, the policemen sided with the doctors. What's more, some of her friends step in (as I was later told) and told the cops that I had been "eyeballing" other women too. 
Indian Government have started a woman's helpline, where any woman can seek help if she is being molested. This happened right after the brutal Delhi rape case a couple months ago. Apparently, she (or the SD) had called up that helpline and told them that I had harassed her, molested her, touched her and held her hand. I know I didn't even go for a hand shake.
They were now waiting for the "victim's" husband and father to arrive to file an FIR. My mother was going berserk seeking forgiveness. Honestly, I didn't know what to do. I tried to tell my Mom to leave, and to let me take care of it, but even she started blaming me for being an asshole. Whatever!
In unison, everyone agreed that asking her out was outraging her modesty, and that I had been completely unethical. Moral policing is one of the hobbies of Delhi police anyway, and seemingly that of every Indian who can speak.
Finally, the husband arrived. 
I had half expected him to respond with madness, and half with sanity. He chose total madness. He walked up to me and slapped me right on my ear without hearing a word. The police didn't do anything to stop him, and I had to reason with him with statements like, "Look, I didn't touch her" and "I didn't mean any disrespect" and "I didn't know she was married." He didn't calm down.
In the end, after all this hassle an FIR was filed, and I was immediately arrested. This happened around 11 AM. I was taken to a police station and put behind the bars.
As you can imagine, my mother was hysterical. She called up all my aunts and uncles and sought help from them. I don't know what happened next, but all I know is that someone bailed me out. They had to pay a good amount of money to a lawyer to arrange that for me. 
We didn't bribe... We got bail, and the money was spent on the lawyer's fee and bail amount.

I have a criminal mind according to my entire family. I saw the same hatred being reflected from the eyes of my uncles, and aunts, and Mom as I had observed in those doctors' and nurses'.
I have decided never to approach women anymore... at least as long as I am in India... Even if it means that I don't ever get laid again. Women have too much power in the system. I don't know how much money and time I will end up losing in this court case
Pretty sure they will confiscate my passport for as long as the trial lasts. And trials in this country last decades.
I don't even know what I am looking for here... Maybe it's a little bit of compassion, for no one around me seems to think that I am innocent, and that I didn't commit any crime. Even my best buddy said "Told you so!"
Yes, I am that severely depressed. I am numb.
Yours sadly,
A man who was victimized by a "Victim Indian woman" today, and is in tears 
This IS why it is too difficult to date Indian women. Forget dating, you can't even talk to them without getting arrested. Apparently, they don't hesitate to wield their new found power well." (Full answer)

"A girl can very vocally blabber how she wants a fair dude with nice abs and a good bank balance and conveniently not sound materialistic about physical attributes and possessions but when a guy expects a fair girl with a nice pair of tits, it suddenly becomes offensive and 'barbaric' and objectification of the woman
The quintessential Indian girl can go all 'have you seen your face in the mirror' on a guy but if a guy does the same, he is a chauvinist. 
The quintessential Indian girl blabbers about how she is equal to the male and how she is independent with her finances, but when it comes to relationships she will conveniently drop the typical 'you wont even be able to afford my makeup bills' line." (Full answer)



  1. "but when a guy expects a fair girl with a nice pair of tits..."

    This kind of takes the cake. The whole cake.

  2. I had a similar incident as the first girl said in the article. I was not even dating. .. but I was friendly with people. Initially everyone liked me in college. But later came to know that they see me differently. And I used to touch them and show off my "assets" was what was wide spread among boys in my college. I never even thought of doing that. But I was careless about such things ... and so I might have done, but not intentionally. I was beginning to be an introvert. But another achievement changed my life n I started becoming normal. But still those things make me sad. I hate some boys! !!

  3. Yes Woman have the power of nailing men in India even if men have done nothing. They may stare, pass comments on boys, bang a car or bike. But if a boy is just looking she can just make a cry and the guy is finished. There are many false rape and dowry cases noticed by supreme court. By the time the men is proved innocent , his career finishes. If a girl bangs a car it is a mistake, if a boy bangs it is always intention. I a mall, in a bus or train if a girl brushes , she is just not intentional but by mistake if a man brushes, he is bad.

    Women are also being unfairly promoted in organisations in the name of doing something for women and there also they get away by doing less work. They exacltly know how to make the best use of they being women.

    Lastly Not all women are such and in general we do respect the good women but the lot I mentioned above is quite visible all around these days

  4. I just stubbled into this blog and i must say its commendable. In India, it isn't about the guys or the girls, it's all in the carpet and the things hidden underneath it. Hypocrisy. We fail to understand why people judge us. But we dont fall short of doing it ourselves. Do we?

  5. "Why is it difficult to date an Indian girl in general?" It Depends On The Person The Way He Looks The Things,

  6. I think the question that's more pertinent is "Why is it so difficult being an Indian girl, in general?"
    Some of the comments on that thread would very easily sum it up for us.


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