My latest book is The One Who Swam With The Fishes.

"A mesmerizing account of the well-known story of Matsyagandha ... and her transformation from fisherman’s daughter to Satyavati, Santanu’s royal consort and the Mother/Progenitor of the Kuru clan." - Hindustan Times

"Themes of fate, morality and power overlay a subtle and essential feminism to make this lyrical book a must-read. If this is Madhavan’s first book in the Girls from the Mahabharata series, there is much to look forward to in the months to come." - Open Magazine

"A gleeful dollop of Blytonian magic ... Reddy Madhavan is also able to tackle some fairly sensitive subjects such as identity, the love of and karmic ties with parents, adoption, the first sexual encounter, loneliness, and my favourite, feminist rage." - Scroll

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29 August 2004

Unsent-- Inspired By The Song By Alanis Morissette

(To read the lyrics of the song, click here)

Dear Arjun, You were my younger man. You were always around when I needed you and when I outgrew you, you stepped away gracefully. You introduced me to calling someone in the middle of the night, our hushed laughter over the phonelines making me feel adventurous. You were pretty in the way no other guy has been. It was fun knowing you and I respect the fact that we have different lives now.

Dear Akrit, You were so nice to me. You treated me like I was the 'good girl' of your dreams. You made me feel good about myself and my appearance. You understood we could never have more than we actually had. You taught me about kisses under the moonlight and the sweetest parting I have ever had.

Dear Sharik, You didn't mean to hurt me. You taught me about intellectual conversations and flirting overseas. You made me learn that I had to be able to "talk" to someone in order to have a relationship with them. I was hurt when we split, but it's okay now, because I have moved on and so have you. I am open to having a conversation with you about the Iliad in the future.

Dear Sanjeev, You were so confused. You kept "drawing me in and then pushing me away from you". You didn't know what you wanted and neither did I. You taught me about heartbreak and how things are never as they seem. I will always remember your kisses---tasting of bubblegum and the first joint I ever smoked was with you.

Dear Karan, You were my first kiss. You were my first "real" boyfriend. We were both so young and playing at dating. I remember the scent of your car mixed with your aftershave, I remember holding hands on the gearshift, I remember you wanting to beat a guy up for flirting with me. I'm sorry we had to break up on your birthday. I hope we can catch up over coffee someday.

Dear K, I still love you and I know that somewhere within you, you miss me. I wish things could be the way they were, but I know that's never going to happen. But because I love you, I'm willing to let you go. Good luck with the world and the rest of your life.


  1. This is how I broke up with my ex-boyfriend--who was, incidentally, my first real boyfriend--by thanking him for teaching me the things he taught me...for what was really good between us. And I did it because I really like him, I still love him--but I know that we couldn't be a couple, so I ended it. I still want him in my life because I like talking to him. He doesn't want that, though, and I don't know why. Oh well. Your post reminded me of how I'm in the same sort of place in my life right now--negotiating what there can be between two people who used to love one another in a particular way but were never good for one another. Usually, I don't want to have any contact with someone I stop seeing...with him it's different, but it looks like I'll have to get used to not having him in any way, no matter what I wish. Interesting post, writing out your closure for past relationships here...will any of them read this, though? So, is it really closure? Will you ever actually say these things to them? which would be my natural have the actual conversation. Guess I'm a glutton for punishment. :)

  2. Hima: Thanks! :)
    Fuego: Okay, no, I don't think any of the guys I wrote to are going to read this. But it was important to me to get it down in writing, for myself and not for anyone else.
    April: Ah yes, "moderation" is the key word here!

  3. Babe, it's Ash, and that party story was HILARIOUS... and where have you been??? One email month ago and then nothing. *grumble* But now I've found the blog I'll know what's happening with you.

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  5. Your post took me back to thinking of my ex-boyfriends.
    Plus,I recently got an email from one of them I didn'nt expect it at all.

    He was one of those types who wanted to break up (due to 'family pressures') but doesn't want to take the decision.Now I think- how irritating- say it and be done with it.But back then-man,it was so damn distressing,especially when I thought I loved him immensely ;-)
    Even now his email was so politically correct,as if an extra word word on the mail would give out some sinister message only he is aware of....sometimes I wish people were more chilled out and not take themselves so seriously.

  6. Mynna, I didn't mean that you should or shouldn't say these things to all these, no, no. I wasn't offering advice...I was just wondering. But lots of people have all their friends or acquaintances read their blogs and they write things there they might never say in person. That's the only reason I was asking. I understand exactly what you were doing and why. I was just saying that I--who sometimes goes seeking for my heart to be re-broken, it seems--actually say the things I have in my heart--even though I know the guy may not even be worthy of receiving me or my words. That's all. The way you and Alanis have done it is...1,000 times more healthy and self-preserving than I ever am. You've got good sense:) I could learn from your temperance.


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