My latest book is The One Who Swam With The Fishes.

"A mesmerizing account of the well-known story of Matsyagandha ... and her transformation from fisherman’s daughter to Satyavati, Santanu’s royal consort and the Mother/Progenitor of the Kuru clan." - Hindustan Times

"Themes of fate, morality and power overlay a subtle and essential feminism to make this lyrical book a must-read. If this is Madhavan’s first book in the Girls from the Mahabharata series, there is much to look forward to in the months to come." - Open Magazine

"A gleeful dollop of Blytonian magic ... Reddy Madhavan is also able to tackle some fairly sensitive subjects such as identity, the love of and karmic ties with parents, adoption, the first sexual encounter, loneliness, and my favourite, feminist rage." - Scroll

Sign up for my newsletter: The Internet Personified

22 September 2006

Boys don't cry and other stories

> Boys don't cry and they seem to have a fairly good time not obsessing. Not wondering where stuff is going or whether they'll still be loved and respected and wanted in the morning. So, I have decided to be-the-boy. Well, not LITERALLY, of course. Still hanging on to the boobs. And the uterus. (Though what use THAT'S ever been, I don't really know. Still.)

Operation Be-The-Boy involves me (surprise!) basically thinking with my metaphorical penis. I will search and conquer. I will be bold. I will take what I want and screw the consequences. (Hee) I will be the first to roll over and light a cigarette. I will not offer emotional coddling. I will be this ice queen/sex kitten type person who will not do Relationships. Of course, if along the line someone fabulous enough DOES come along, who thinks I'm super etc, then that'll be excellent. But seeing as men like that are few and far between (if they exist at ALL, ie), I think I should not waste my youth, supposedly the one time in my life where I can eat all the chips I want and still retain a fairly flat stomach. Or go out all night and look not quite ready for my grave the next morning. Youth is to be SEIZED, my loves, seized with both hands and a knee grip. Anyway. I won't give you regular updates (for obvious reasons) but wish me luck anyhow at being able to separate sex from emotions. And then I'll write a book about it and EVERY SINGLE WOMAN IN THE WORLD will buy a copy and I'll be rich.

I only hope I have the balls (hee, again. Dude, I'm on fire!) to do this.

> So trauma in the Confessor household. Yet another flatmate has abdicated. I'm beginning to wonder whether it's us--Small and I--secretly torturing these women, being the worst flatmates ever, but really, we're not! We're neat (well, relatively) and clean, we're seldom grouchy, we're friendly, we make a genuine attempt to get our flatmate integrated with our friends. AND we're attractive. What's not to love? But Lily left us anyway, and after placing ads everywhere, this time the process was surprisingly short, and we have a new flatmate come this weekend.

She's Canadian and very nice and like an Amazon compared to the two of us, so, ta-dah, I'm going to call her Tall. I'm so glad she's tall, I've been wanting to do a Small and Tall thing for quite some time. And the best part is, her family's in Canada, right? Sooo, she can't just move back home. Living alone is HARD, dudes, and I know there have been several times when I've just wanted to pack up my stuff and go back to Mummy. (Especially since we don't have an A/C and the electricity kept going and I wanted to die.)

> After much resistance and deflecting several invitations and saying, 'Oh that's for losers', I've finally succumbed to peer pressure and *sigh* gotten myself an Orkut account. And it ROCKS. No, really. There's nothing like a social networking site to make you feel popular (or unpopular, but that's not my problem). Every day I get friend-adding thingies from men with names like love_me, or pictures of them bodybuilding and happily I say, "No, they AREN'T my friends." Almost every day, a blast from the past thing happens and I see people I haven't seen in YEARS, see how they turn out and where they live and then they can write in your scrapbook and it's all very addictive. Especially if you hop from friend to friend to friend and see how many people everyone knows and it just confirms the whole it's-a-small-world theory and the six-degrees-of-separation theory and so on. I guess it DOES make me a loser, but it's such fun. Wheee!

> And I have a cough. Which sucks. And I can't turn it into a funny story yet, but I will try later.

Muah muah dahlinks, be good and enjoy your weekend.

Oh, and don't do anything I wouldn't do. Which leaves you with QUITE a few options.


  1. still hating orkut. got on because the supposed powers of the site to suck anything and everything from pre-college, pre-puberty (hell id add pre-birth years) is astonishing.

    ho-hum and a bottle of rum. the fact that it asks me what my style of humour is, still irritates me:)

  2. WHAA? identify yourself right this instant :)

  3. Just caught up on this blog after a month or so. And getting this strange sinking feeling that nornmally happens when a dear female friend gets all 'I'm strong and can face anything' types, while probably feeling max vulnerable inside.

    You take care,gal.

    - Tara

  4. if i ever shift back to del will u accomodate me ....err n jimbo too?

  5. Milan Kundera said..
    ..making love with a woman and sleeping with a woman are two separate passions, not merely different but opposite.
    Love does not make itself felt in the desire for copulation(a desire that extends to an infinite number of women) but in the desire for shared sleep(a desire limited to one woman).
    So once you replace the word woman with man.. it makes one wonder.. Isn't sex even with THE ONE just sex??

  6. eM -- This is the first time I visited your blog, and I am totally, absolutely, madly in love with you. I have no clue who you are, but, babe, am I glad you exist!

  7. Someone actually quoted Milan Kundera! Yay!

    Anyway, the point is that (and I do NOT speak for all guys, just me), that hook-ups and the few hours romping about, it's so very far completely utterly removed from well, being with someone you love. The morning after is when the difference sinks in (for me at any rate), the difference is who you think about in the morning -- the person lying next to you or someone you wished were next to you instead...and when the person next to you isnt the one you are thinking about, its...hollow

  8. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  9. Bebe

    1. The fling thing is a bit overrated. I know I've been bemoaning my inability to pick myself up from this most recent and most ainful break up of mine but flings are for cheap, empty and very very VERY temporary validation trips. Try Operation-Be-A-Woman instead. Or be all repulsive and manlike.

    2. Facebook is so much better!

    3. And NO! Sex with THE ONE is not just sex. Sex is most fulfilling when there's an emotional connect and when there's complete physical and mental comfort between the two. That's not something you can strike up with just about anyone. On the bright side, he might be THE ONE, just not the only one. :) That's my Bubble and 'Me', stay away from it you prick!

    4. This is something I intone on a daily basis, 'No one died and made me God. So I got dumped, big fucking deal. Shit happens. At least unlike Nicole Kidman I wasn't junked by a dwarfish scientologist. It could be worse, I could still be with him. :)'. There! We al get shafted in love, that's part of the thrill of it. I'm lecturing you but then again you come to my blog and lecture me too. :) Seriously eM abandon Operation-Be-A-Man. We gotta laucnh Operation-Be-A-SelfServing-Woman! Hmmm....I still contend that a self-serving woman isn't necessarily a man.

  10. It's weird how you mentioned orkut and 6 degrees of separation cos I wrote the exact same thing on my blog. Makes you wonder how a million people out there could be thinking the same thoughts at the same time. Like a zero degree separation. Or something like that!

    And on the being a man thingy, best of luck babe! I think it's going to be one hell of a ride!

  11. To the Milan Kundera quote, I respectfully submit that Milan Kundera was a wanker, and obviously highly overrated if that's the level of insight he came up with.

    Hedonistic Hobo, why are flings cheap, empty and temporary validation trips? A fling can be just as intense, emotionally complex, satisfying and fulfilling as a relationship that stretches over decades. It just has to be approached on its own terms, rather than a stepping stone to a long term relationship.

    I think disappointments with flings come from muddled expectations, that's all. Unfortunately, by the time most of us attain this clarity, the fling-worthy pool has dramatically shrunk.

  12. Clarification: What I meant was "by the time most of us attain clarity of expectations...."

  13. i'm ever so glad for your's and hobo's blog (unfortunately i don't have much good advice to offer you..been there, done that and am none the wiser). but i am now convinced that women like me exist - post heart-break women who are still trying to figure it out. i honestly don't know if operation be-a-man will work past its 10 month expiry date (which is how long it lasted for me:)) but it's worth a shot - the gender reversal can often be immensely satisfying.

  14. It's easy enough to capture the essence of being male. They're driven by two great needs, the need to
    a)go out and spread their seed, much like dogs do,
    b)go out and mark their territory much like dogs do.

    Your path is fraught with danger, but all womankind shall benefit! Emotionless and cold as ice is what we'll strive to be.

    Good luck and godspeed!

  15. I was a boy for a bit. 'Twas good. And then I met someone who was, well, the girl to my boy. And then I didn't want to make said girl (boy) feel like, well, like boys make girls feel. So now we're just original boy and girl. But no, moral of the story: being a boy was good.

  16. whats ur orkut id ? :) we are not friends..but just want to read the "about me"

  17. i'm open to flings but not to get over someone. in my experience it hasn't worked for me ever. romance whether shrt term or long term works best when it sneaks up on you. to go looking for a fling to validate oneself just becomes boring and meaningless after a while. but maybe that's the place i've arrived to now.

  18. One WHOLE day and no new comments? What's wrong with this post? Why does no one love me? Is my time up yet? Noooooo, don't play the music!

    *ahem* Anyway.

    chitgo: I know! I had a very hard time choosing between campy/cheesy and dry/sarcastic. Although, in the wonderland that is Orkut, you DON'T have to choose, so I can be cheesily dry. Or drily cheesy, take your pick. :)

    tara: awwww.. thanks, but don't worry. i'm still the new celibacy all on my lonesome, but i'm okay. Friends friend, alcohol alcohols, and you know, life is okay.

    sapphire: for like two seconds i thought you were propositioning a threesome! And then i went to your blog, and saw that ADORABLE puppy and can i just say? Aw.

    anon1: Kundera I like. This quote too, I like. But i'm going with no, making love with "the one" or many ones, is just sex in the act itself, buuuuuuuuut, there are so many other little annoying things that come along with that. The way you know their bodies. The way you like to watch them after. The way neither of you wants to be the first to pull away. Meh.

    anon2: YOU, now, you completely made my day! I love you more :)

    aside to all: Wow, i just realised there were MORE comments! More than what shows on the page! Yay!

    Me: Sort of, but not quite do I agree with you. Say I loved someone. And they didn't love me. And then I slept with someone, not perfect, far from it actually, but in the sleeping together, a little part of me that breathed of him and I, of US would be erased. I might feel like shit the next day, but in the long run, I've worked towards not obsessing. And making memories less sacred.

    hobo: I like operation be-a-self-sufficient-woman. But first, FIRST I need to put myself first. I need to not be all oh-I-suck with each ending. I need to be agressive and OUT THERE. Something I think men know more about, in this country anyway, than women do. It's sad, I know, but it's the truth. And a fling? Meh, sometimes it's just mindless validation that you're sexy, which is something I need right now. To hell with celibacy! Let us embrace nymphomania!! :)

    destination: I know! And someone else blogged about how terrible it was too :) Must have been a shared thought this week!

    thalassa: I like "approached on its own terms and not as a stepping stone." That's exactly what I was trying to say :)

    fivefeet: 10 months? That long? You've given me hope! I'm not exactly post-heartbreak, just a little fed-up of the dating game and the bloody RULES. I thought it was time to change them :)

    raindrop: Thank you thank you! With supporters such as yourself, we shall go far. I met a boy the other day and I chanted, much like my good friend Bridget Jones, aloof, unavailable ice queen. And, oh look, he just messaged :) I rule!

    big wave: you know, i actually followed that story. I surprise myself sometimes. But, nooooooo, dude, elaborate! I want to know how, when, game plans, fallback plans, everything!! :)

    spiderman: welllllll, we have a common friend, so you don't have to look very far!

    hobo again: well, you've just nixed the careful argument i put forward on my reply to your earlier comment. Hmph. Never mind, I still love you, even if you do delight in making me look like a jackass. :P

  19. dThe public polling for Asia Blog Awards - India Q1 has started at

    One of your websites was nominated and you may be interested in informing your readership (or voting for yourself).

    Only one third of the contest is decided by public voting - judges and technorati rankiing decide the other components. In order to have the most accurate representation from the technorati component, we advise withdrawing sites from any blogroll alliances or link swapping schemes (sites that contain such things will be handicapped).

    More details are at the site.

    Best regards and good luck,

  20. "I will be the first to roll over and light a cigarette. I will not offer emotional coddling. I will be this ice queen/sex kitten type person who will not do Relationships."

    I wonder if the above mentioned is as exciting/exhilirating/straight forwardly liberating as it sounds. I have been there, done that and I must admit that in hind sight the idea of being the first to roll over is far more seductive in theory than it is in actuality. Why? I don't know but I do know it really isn't 'all that' as they say in americanish. However, it did feel great for that split second between rolling over and lighting a ciggie ;-)
    I miss my youth but I can see you are spending your's with elan. Enjoy!

  21. Hehe. If this thought experiment works for you, do let us know!

    And congrats on the best Asia Blog nomination. Most cool!

  22. hi..came across this fanatastic blog..i am reading it from the beginning and its simpl gr88...and I dont like the new purple theme of ur blog...plz change it


Thanks for your feedback! It'll be published once I approve it. Inflammatory/abusive comments will not be posted. Please play nice.