My latest book is The One Who Swam With The Fishes.
"A mesmerizing account of the well-known story of Matsyagandha ... and her transformation from fisherman’s daughter to Satyavati, Santanu’s royal consort and the Mother/Progenitor of the Kuru clan." - Hindustan Times
"Themes of fate, morality and power overlay a subtle and essential feminism to make this lyrical book a must-read. If this is Madhavan’s first book in the Girls from the Mahabharata series, there is much to look forward to in the months to come." - Open Magazine
"A gleeful dollop of Blytonian magic ... Reddy Madhavan is also able to tackle some fairly sensitive subjects such as identity, the love of and karmic ties with parents, adoption, the first sexual encounter, loneliness, and my favourite, feminist rage." - Scroll
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4 October 2006
In which one realises one's life is not so bad after all, and this is mostly because my cold has gone. Hallelujah!
Anyway, excellent weekend. Saturday spent on furniture shopping (well, sort of, we looked at furniture) with the flatmates, and then for very fun housewarming party of friend, and then Sunday went for concert at the Qutab (Minar, not Hotel) with the qawwali, which was all cultured etc and then quickly degenerated into dance party when Shankar Ehsaan Loy took to the stage and sang "Where's da pardeeeeeee tonight (somewhere down the road!), where's da pardeeeeeee tonight (on the dance floor!)" Which was fun, I admit.
I was thinking about being single this past weekend, mostly because there's this new book of essays out--my mother is one of the contributors, on single-marrieds, which is nice--on singledom. I can't find the link now, but as far as I remember, it's called On Living The Good Life. But. BUT. My one grouse with it was that all the contributors were old people, talking about failed marriages-blah-blah-Suhel-Seth-sex-bathrooms-alone and all that. And by the time I reached the last essay, I was, well, rather depressed. This was not what I wanted my life to turn out to be, a sort of rant against the system, oh poor me, I'm a single woman, but I have friends, and my ex and I still sleep together and you know? If this book was meant to justify that singledom was cooler than coupledom, it didn't really serve the purpose, because the first thing I wanted to do was go and get married.
"You make me miss being single," said an old colleague to me, when I staggered in one morning, still a little pale from the night before and drinking water like it was going out of style. But, not really. For her, missing being single, was missing the all night binges, the possibility that lingered in every evening, the gal pal bonding, all that. But at the end of the day, you receive no validation for being on your lonesome, for running your household by yourself and so on. Another ex-colleague said something once about how we (the single girls) had no excuses for not getting more stories. After all, we had no responsibilities. And, sadly, though I looked daggers, though she took it back etc, I'm sure she still thinks that. Oh, look at her breezing in at noon, all perfumed and low waisted jeans and hungover and oh look at her leaving, all excited about some night out when I have to go home to kids and husband and responsibilities.
Another thing I get a lot of is, "How come you're still single?" It's not that I don't meet boys. I do, really. After a bit, after college anyway, where the only criterion for dating someone was you thought they were hot (seriously, ask most people about their worst relationship ever, and they'll point you at a college/high school romance), you realise that sometimes it's better to be alone than to be with someone you can't talk to. Or hang out with. Or can't imagine introducing to your friends. And so on. It's gotten really complicated now, and mostly, yeah, I prefer my own company, or the company of the smart, intelligent, funny people who I have a platonic relationship with, ya know?
So, there are many things about being single I don't like. It's true. But, as the years go by, and I see that this year, 2006, marks TWO WHOLE YEARS of being pretty much, more or less, on my own, I was thinking this morning of all the things I will miss about being single. I will miss coming home tired and not having any plans, and having the only whisper in my bed from my comfortable lilac flowered comforter which snuggles up to me and lets me sleep without worrying about whether I'm supposed to do a little snogging or, even worse, whether I'm sleeping with my mouth open and there's drool all over my pillow. I will miss watching television in my nightshirt, eating something, and just chilling and knowing my phone isn't going to ring in a bit. I will miss dressing up for me, because that's what I do now, and don't tell me I can still do that when I'm with someone because I know subtly or otherwise their tastes will somehow influence what I wear. I will miss (okay, perhaps only a little) getting to places on my own, and (a LOT) making my own agenda with what I want to do with a free day, and not feel guilty etc about spending time with someone else. I will miss not agonising about someone else, not playing games, feeling grief free and guiltless at all times. This last one, I think I will miss the most.
As for not having reponsibilities, I may not be dealing with family type shit, or parenting, but I do do stuff. I make sure, for instance, that the maid cooks in the morning. I make sure she doesn't make anything the other two don't like. I keep an eye on the groceries and see when we're low on stocks. I check how much water we have in the fridge and always make sure our reserves are okay, when we run out of boiled water. And so on. Small does the technical stuff--getting plumbers, electricians, reminding me when the rent is due and the maid and car cleaning guy need to be paid, remembering at Diwali time that everyone needs to be tipped and all that. Tall has no responsibilties yet, but she's quickly doing grocery type things. And furniture. She's making sure we have more to our living room than just two beanbags. We look out for each other, my flatmates and I, and we may not be married or have given birth to each other, but still, we're, you know, family. And in a single person's world, family is important.
eM, babe, had a kinda crappy day yesterday because of ghosts of the Ex...read your post and it made me smile, so, thanks...i think i need to write something along the same vein...ReplyDelete
you know what i would miss? i would miss the excitement of thinking that 'The One' could be just around the corner. i would miss the lack of complications/attachment that comes along with a single person's life. i would miss having my pick of boys at a party - of thinking that someone is hot and actually being able to DO something about it.ReplyDelete
so yeah, now that i've quantified it, i'm going to go out there and make the most of it.
ouch, u make me momentarily sad that am no longer that which seems so much more cool... single... boohoo!ReplyDelete
A family by any other name would smell as sweet- I'm glad you're sounding cheerier. Unfortunately, I dont like the template either. Pls change it-it hurts my eyes. This is still one of my fav blogs nevertheless.ReplyDelete
Bad jazzy template eM, but anyway i am sure ur post is only a little better than those essays...u make ppl want to get married too...singledom is more fun than that.ReplyDelete
Get a life honey
Loved your post! makes me think about how much i (mostly) enjoy being single - so every time one of the huntress match-making aunties pounce and I think "am i desperate enough yet to marry this guy?" ill have my list ready on hand. BTW the whole orange and purple thing? It just makes it harder to hide from boss/ work mates cuz im SUPPOSED to be working.. :)ReplyDelete
fallin fr ur blog sista...read almost all the recent posts in one go. me thinks that either ur actually this good or the jazzy template has secret hypnotic powers (hmmmmm...)!!ReplyDelete
Bebe even though a break-up spawned my blog,it's singledom that fills the pages not the memories of lost love so to speak. I haven't been blogging lately because I've been having way too much fun. Last Friday night,well the weekend ensured that I realised that even though He isn't around and even though I thought all I am EVER going to feel again is SORROW.... (o boo hoo)....I am actually having a blast! It helps being in London. :)ReplyDelete
And I once wrote about my views on Singledom, they haven't changed much. I haven't been in an office as a single woman so I don't know what's in store for me but it can't be worse than a bad relationship. :)
I like being single as much as I like being in relationships.
Say how does one insert a link in a comment?
just noticed am in the list of blogs over there to the left side in, what I am sorry to say, is still a pepto bismoled blog template...but here's a question for vous -- how do you get those captions to show up when you leave the mouse hovering over the name of the blog...and for the love of god, what does the caption over mine say? i cant read it because it gets lobbed off! and incidentally, flattery will get you everywhere!ReplyDelete
I like the new template. Bit hard on the poor eyes at first, but the font's bigger, yay. :)ReplyDelete
As a dorm dweller, I for one can say that being single is good, and family is important. Nice post.ReplyDelete
Oh wait, is this for the Pink for October thing? The breast cancer awareness project? Though it's more purple than pink.ReplyDelete
Beautiful post! So much I agree with. I think what I would miss about being single is the possibility of not being single :)ReplyDelete
Template...just when I was getting used to the pink one :), although I do love the colors!
Really nice! and hey it's pretty ok being single! :)ReplyDelete
being among roomates is fun... i dealt wid a roomate who was a model and had all kinda kinky sex etc happening all around da place...ReplyDelete
but it was fun to see all hot guys.. lol
Well now. Deep thought and all that? You'll lose your Image, bebeh.ReplyDelete
This template looks like it was designed by Uma Bharti. WHen she had PMS.
ahhh...you didnt tell me about the qawwali turning into disco party..sounded like fun.ReplyDelete
great post btw...the honesty shines through.
ive always wanted to believed that being in a relationship doesnt necessarily have to take away the fun/individuality and devil-may-care of a single life, especially at such a young age. the trick (which im trying to perfect:))i guess is to really REALLY believe in the 'lets let it flow' mantra....
i continue to try.
Let's TRY, okay, to like new template? Please? To make me happy? :) Just give it till next week, if it doesn't grow on you, I promise I will revert to the previous pink one. I swear.ReplyDelete
Anyway, ahhhhhh, margarita binger last night where I expunged on singledom and got all my brilliant points shot down. Hmph. I realise I sound so much wiser online, and this is probably v. sad and pathetic thing.
zaphod: thinking about exes is never a good idea, especially when ghosts continue to haunt you. the best remedy? read good book, watch empowering movie, or just do what i do and get mindblowingly hammered. :) oh, and blogrolling offers the hover text service, which is how i manage my links--www.blogrolling.com.
fivefeetzero: i can't believe i forgot to mention that! i LOVE the flirting, the anticipation, the little back and forth dances, the flutters in my stomach--such fun :)
sirisha: awww, no, you do realise this list is only to make myself feel better about eventually dying alone, eaten by alsations. :)
jane: noooooooo, just like reduce contrast on your screen, it works! really! (or wait, let me see if i can make the shade a little less)
november's child: LOVING the username by the way :)huntress match making aunties, luckily, i do not have. :)
all meshed up: yay! one person likes my template! you're my new best friend!
jasmine: the three of us must now form top secret society! with a password!
hobo: i wish I was in london. hmph. must be a lot funner being single there. and, yeah, my OWN blog only got fun once a relationship ended two years ago, so know exactly what you mean! and nope, don't know how to put link in comment. there's some code, i think.
menagerie: and then there were FOUR. *sticks tongue out at everyone else* but thank you. i didn't realise so many people were single, and just yesterday i was going, hmph, i know NO single people. :)
zarreen: i'm going to ASSUME really nice was for template, so see FIVE WHOLE PEOPLE. Hah bloody hah.
preyanca: i'd rather not live with a model, personally, but you poor thing! kinky sex, all over the place? that must've been tough!
aqc: deep thought? really? on post about being single? WHERE? :)
chitgo: well, you KNOW my opinion on let's let it flow :) that and take things as they come, go with the flow etc all are on my personal hate list. but it seems to work for boys though. i wonder why that is. hmmmmm.
Being Single, Its got its sunshines and darknesses. Guess the best thing is to enjoy each state one is in, single or otherwise so that they could look back at the great memories from themReplyDelete
thanks for the headsup on blogroller...but you din tell me what the caption for my own humble corner of the webby world reads!!ReplyDelete
well, vanity has nothing to do with it, just curiosity and we all now know what's going to kill this cat...thank you thoughReplyDelete
Liked your mom's piece a lot (get her to start blogging now), but the book isn't as downbeat as you make it out to be. The contributors weren't all old, and even the older ones were clearly having a lot of fun. Besides, I don't think the idea was to "justify that singledom is cooler than coupledom" – it was just a collection of perspectives by people who happen to be single. The only times where any of them gets defensive about their status is when they are pointedly asked why they are single, as if it were a disease or something.ReplyDelete
Err.... not quite....that comment was for the post.... ur template is well....umm...interesting??ReplyDelete
eM: I couldnt agree with you more...Singlehood and managing your own life entails difficulties which people living at home would never fathom. Its like being mom, dad and yourself all at once.ReplyDelete
And experience says, its best not to rely on the 'boyfriend factor'. You never know whe they will be gone and then there will be the additional pain of the heartache along with all the responsibilities.
what about missing being able to flirt/make out with ex boyfriends whom you still find hot(and who are single of course) without feeling guilty.....and letting each one of them think that he was the love of your life :). it is wicked funReplyDelete
haha eM... what can I say? you're my inspiration :) What! You have no huntress match-making aunties? That's like being a starving refugee without jimmy choos to walk in!!ReplyDelete
darkness has befallen, the old template rocked so much more...ReplyDelete
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