"Don't get too attached."
That's the mantra that's been running in my head since yesterday. Getting attached means getting back to square one, means giving your heart to someone else and means giving them the power to hurt you and the power to manipulate your emotions.
Sure, it's hard. I've never been the 'disassociate your mind and body' kind of person. But in this case, I feel I must. The whole point of a rebound (relationship? Fling? One week stand?) is to exorcise the person you're rebounding from. Right?
Okay, what am I talking about? I spent Sunday (and I'm talking the entire day here, from about 1.30 pm to about 10.15 pm) at Shiva's. Oooh, is probably what you're thinking, and you would be right!
The thing is, with K. I never felt the need for other male companionship, so as of now, I have zero male friends. Which is why it felt so good to just chill out with someone of the opposite sex, to spend an entire day just hanging, ya know?
We managed to talk about everything.. the thing is, he reads my blog, right? So there's a lot of back history I didn't have to go into. The power of words, my friends, works better than the power of a good cleavage--- though that doesn't hurt either!
Of course, me being me, don't like playing games. If a guy has "intentions" shall we say, I like for him to spell it out, and not spend an entire day chatting and pretending like the sexual tension doesn't exist at all. Don't you just hate it when they do that? I swear, men and their mind games! (Though our sex isn't much better either).
So as you can tell, it took a while for him to make a move. By the end of it, I was like "Gawd, this is the Kabir story all over again!" and "Did I just assume he was interested in me, when it appears that all he wants is a platonic friendship?"
But no, that couldn't possibly be the case, because he was flirting, unless my flirting radar has rusted completely from two years of being in a monogamous, committed relationship. (I know my flirting skills have deteriorated majorly, I used to be able to be subtle, I used to be able to convey things with a mere gesture, now it's like I'm practically pasting a huge post-it on my forehead with "Dude, I'm hitting on you".)
Back to the subject, finally at around 8.30, I said I had to leave, but instead of leaving, he showed me his terrace (not a euphemism for anything, I swear, just a terrace, oh ye with dirty minds!) And, well, one thing led to another and *blushes*
I was so amazed that K didn't cross my mind at all, though this morning I feel kind of guilty. Stupid, I know, but since we've only been broken up a month, for Chrissakes, I should be "in mourning" right about now! Then my inner policeman breaks in with "He dumped you, so there's no need to feel guilty."
It's wierd to kiss someone for the first time. I get all blushy after the very first kiss, it's kind of awkward to face the person you've just been chatting with after suddenly, woah, the paradigm's completely shifted. Then there's the whole learning someone's moves thing. Each mouth is different, just like each kisser is diferent. And in order to be a really good kisser, your kissing has to correspond directly with what he's doing. So, right after that first kiss, I was like, "Huh. This is new."
But new isn't bad, either. In fact, sometimes, new can be very good. *winks*
Later, y'all, as I congratulate myself that the depreivation period is finally over!
EDIT: Bad news. A couple of my co-workers took it upon themselves to 'discover' my blog. Therefore, aaargh, I might either have to change this site or censor myself.. I'll keep you posted. Right now I'm skulking behind my desk. I've decided to change the URL so if you want my new address comment with your email address' and i will give it to you. Inconvienience is deeply regretted.