My latest book is The One Who Swam With The Fishes.

"A mesmerizing account of the well-known story of Matsyagandha ... and her transformation from fisherman’s daughter to Satyavati, Santanu’s royal consort and the Mother/Progenitor of the Kuru clan." - Hindustan Times

"Themes of fate, morality and power overlay a subtle and essential feminism to make this lyrical book a must-read. If this is Madhavan’s first book in the Girls from the Mahabharata series, there is much to look forward to in the months to come." - Open Magazine

"A gleeful dollop of Blytonian magic ... Reddy Madhavan is also able to tackle some fairly sensitive subjects such as identity, the love of and karmic ties with parents, adoption, the first sexual encounter, loneliness, and my favourite, feminist rage." - Scroll



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20 February 2008

eM is hanging by a moment

* I exist in a vaccuum: Well, not quite. But, almost. I have only sporadic access to the internet these days (hey, it's the end of the month and I have bills to pay.) So I'm writing this between work at Kalyan's house, where I arrived with laptop to throw myself at his mercy. And to play with his brand new kitten. He's a cutie. (The kitten, I mean, but Kalyan isn't so bad either.)

* Public appearances: Shall actually be made this week. I'm speaking at the Kitab festival this year, Friday, 4 pm at the Asiatic Library. I'll be talking about being a Young Writer In India and though it's all very fun, I'm also stricken with fear. This time it's not a comforting panel discussion where I can choose to be quiet if I want to. This time I'm actually going to be talking ALL ON MY LONESOME into, what I suspect, will be an indifferent audience. You should come and watch me, just for the entertainment value.

* New friends and one new word! Akshay and I have been hanging out quite a bit these last few weeks. We both live pretty much in the same suburb, and we both don't have 9 to 5 jobs that take up our time. This in itself, mixed with other common personality traits, is enough of a foundation for a friendship. We have, of course, also been consuming De Booze quite a bit and in one of our drunken moments of wisdom (Bloody Mary, Red Box, Sunday, 5 pm) came up with the word Platonic. Yes, I know it's already a word, but we were using it to define the men and women in our life who we hung out with constantly but with whom we have no romantic entaglement. Now we use the word a lot, as in, "Where's your Platonic tonight?" and "Oh, I saw that with my Platonic." See how it works? And much much more resonant than just, say, close friend or something.

* Entertainment: We went to watch August Rush the other day. I had read a review and I thought it said Katherine Heigl (from Grey's Anatomy) and I thought it was a chick flick, so when we entered the theatre and it began I was convinced that we were in the wrong theatre. But it had the delectable Jonathon Rhys Meyers and that little kid from Finding Neverland and Robin Williams so we stayed and watched it anyway. Sweet movie. All about music and finding music in every day things which reminded me of a guy I met last week who told me he was a sound engineer. Cute guy also. Hmmmm.

* Hate mail! I received this little gem last week:


from: Sreejesh Sreenivasan (suv100@gmail.com)
to: thecompulsiveconfessor@gmail.com

date: 15 Feb 2008 21:19

subject: butt ugly


Haaaaaai
I was really excited after reading ur blog. I told my self.....now here was a real polayadi mol of our generation, very much like kamala das or suraiah or whatever (the old hag keeps changing her name all the time) who gave perverts like me some thoughts to jerk off on.....Well the excitement only lasted till I saw ur damned photo in vanitha mag. The first thing I said to myself was "CRAP". The Cherummi who used to sweep my house when I was a kid... thats u. Honestly I think the cherummi was better looking.

The guy who humped you, was he fucking blind or was he too stoned to give a shit? Anyway it would have been better if u remained anonymus or used a photo of a hot model instead of your own. Just hope nobody scans it on to the net for ur sake.

Wow. Who stole his testicles? I was going to edit his email address, but then I decided not to. For one thing, it's probably fake (I mean, come ON, suv100? Really? Very 1bruce1 of you, Shree, ol' pal) and for another, hey, this guy needs to get some and really fast, so maybe I'm actually doing him a favour by leaving it up there. I'm gaining karma points here.

103 comments:

  1. hey eM, i am the one who asked you that honesty question. nice post, all i can say is that your work is inspiring and even i have started blogging. comeheretravis@blogspot.com
    check it out sometime
    regards
    shantanu srivastava

    ReplyDelete
  2. Har har. Wonder what exactly suv100 was trying to achieve by sending you a mail like that. Plus, that Platonic thing is a good idea. A very convenient word to describe most of the women in my life now :(

    Good luck at the Kitab festival. Do you want a cheering squad there? :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. 'Platonic'....aah, yes, I forgot about that one...

    ReplyDelete
  4. I came to know about this blog thru vanitha. And today was checking it and saw that hate mail. I thought about sending you a mail and then thought about writing a comment. You are famous [notorious?] and you are bold and sexy [sexier than the cherumi i suppose..] ;) go on!

    ReplyDelete
  5. HAHAHAHAHA. I just had the longest giggling-fit because of that platonic thing. I sounded like a hyena for a while there. brilliant. I'm using it now.

    and.

    you're most pretty. i like. and that's what matters. because i only talk to hot people.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh, gah! A TALK? Why did I miss that? For some reason I thought it was a reading.

    Listen, am going to stick around in the audience and anytime someone asks you something dumb, just point to me and say "why don't you ask her? She's young and writes about sexuality too." And I shall proceed to devour your detractor. *grin* I am much better at shooting down other people's detractors, anyway.

    Our pre-event.. writerly thing (ahem) will help. But so will scripting your speech. Done?

    ReplyDelete
  7. platonic as a noun!!! what an awesome concept!! if u don't have a copyright on it, can i use it too?? hehe..i can just see..websters dictionary 2010...will have a new entry. Platonic (noun):a person or thing personified, of a friendly nature, without the sexual attraction. lol...
    anyways........ur not butt ugly. but u already knwo that. i would, however, like to see suv100 present a picture of himself so we can, as an audience, get a good hold on who this judgemental person is.

    ReplyDelete
  8. poor guy!

    just realised that he likes to jerk off by looking at hot models in the vanitha mag!

    u stole his thunder, or should I say mojo!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Really eccentric Bacteria......I think mail ID belongs to Aadivasi..person got Hysteria when read this Blog..we sadly advice u better take 14 year FOrest-Arrest..can expect or marry good SEED-aaa-Devi

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi Em,
    I am confused what the guy has against you...And model's photo... Watching you on that show... I thought you looked pretty and sweet...
    Anyways strange are the ways of strangers! Let love reign!

    Sathya

    ReplyDelete
  11. :O..im horrified...
    hmm..how do u actually take such nonsense..i cant say im a great fan of u..but ur not bad either..
    and hey..the snap in vanitha is actually kinda not do good..from wat i saw u in ndtv..ur far more better lookin than dat..sue the vanitha foto op man..:P
    anyways..keep writing..and all d best for ur book n all those public speakings..

    ReplyDelete
  12. somebody sure stole his balls! all that matters is that u be hot, no?

    i can imagine how it must feel finding that in ur inbox on a monday morning but u always put a humorous spin on hate mail. becoz u r cool like that :-) rock on!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hey eM, I've been following your blog for a while and decided to finally write in.
    While you certainly should not be troubled by some ranting hate mail from a cretin who publicly admits to jerking off in his Vanitha magazine, I do think that you should take a step back and understand exactly what it is that makes you so controversial.
    If you wrote this exact same blog, but set it in Wisconsin, it is unlikely that you that you would generate anything close to the readership that you now enjoy.
    Your popularity is based largely upon the unusual sexual frankness of some of your blog posts, set against the backdrop of a largely conservative country.
    Your reasons for being so provocative are unclear. Are you doing it for the publicity, or for the political cause of advancing female sexual boundaries in a repressed society, or simply because this is just the way that you are and you see no reason to hold back?
    If it's for the publicity, then your book deal has proven that you are successful and I'm sure that you're thick-skinned enough to laugh at your critics as you walk down to the bank. Although I wonder if you won't look back at yourself some day in the future and wonder if it was all worth it.
    If you're some kind of feminist crusader, then I think that's really admirable. But I'd urge you to remember that India is no longer the land of the Kamasutra. Centuries of Islamic and Victorian English rule have turned us into a nation of frustrated prudes. Your writing is more likely to provoke than it is to enlighten or inspire.
    Finally, if you have no desire to be provocative, but are doing so simply because you are too blasé to care about your baser readers then I worry that your attitude may come back to haunt you eventually. Some of your readers are friends and well-wishers of yours, some enjoy the titillation that your blog often provides but a large number of us follow you closely with the same intensity that an audience watches the trapeze act at a circus. It’s the thrill of a disaster waiting to happen that enthralls them. It is fascinating to watch an Indian girl speak of her sexual yearnings, techniques, detailed encounters, use of vibrators and trips to the gynecologist because a good many of us know that you are putting your future on the line when you do so. Most Indian men can’t handle being with a woman whose intimate life is on permanent public record. I am sure that some of your family, friends and co-workers whisper and giggle about you behind your back. A good many people who have never met you will have pre-judged you before you even shake their hand. There is also the more sinister matter of stalkers and predators that you have exposed yourself to.
    If, however, you have weighed all these factors carefully and decided that you will blog on and let the rest be damned. Then good luck to you is all that I can say – you’re going to need it.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Detailed verbose heavy and very very very interesting comment rite above me which'll prolly make my comment luk pretty foolish..lol


    Let the rest be damned indeed..
    Every generation needs its heroes
    and you are not one of them..you are just a normal chick...:)
    and this shytz normal..:)
    and yeah
    wuz hukd on to da hate mail frm the opening "haaaaaaai"...a lil disappointed wen he din turn out 2 b as dumb as he first struck me..:P

    anywayz wen alls said nd done..sweet post em
    rock on!

    ReplyDelete
  15. eM, you are a hottie, an unconventional one at that. I'd do you anyday! Without dope. Unless you want to be my platonic.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hey Em !!

    I am a Mallu , and you know what , i have been arguing with every other women i know in Cochin ( who reads the good old shites like Vanitha) .

    It seems they all have read the interview you gave (that was the worst thing you ever did , i mean you know mallu's are a bit too educated that they never like any other mallu getting recognised) .

    And btw , do you know the meaning of 'POLAYADI MOL' and 'CHERUMI" ??

    LOLS LOLS !!

    Forget the funny asses like suv's , but dont thing that all mallus are like him , there are a few who loves reading your blogs and are proud of you being a Mallu !!

    Cheers !

    ReplyDelete
  17. any publicity is good publicity, hated or loved they (readers) do assist you existence (as a writer), nothing is as bad as no emotion evoked, a certain duty fullfilled, hail the angry malayali..
    no comment on the use of platonic..

    ReplyDelete
  18. eM,
    Just one comment.

    You ruined it with that line about the hate mail guy wanting to "Get some really fast".

    I would have expected a much better come back from you.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Further to use of Platonic as a noun, I give you the concept of Immoral Platonics. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  20. im ur platonic? as much as u would like to change that tho :P. friday night party? something happening at poison. i shall let u have the honour of joining me.

    I like what that random dude has written. I would give my 2 cents worth on why i think u write what u write, but i think ive already told u that in person, and wouldnt want to say that online.

    i read ur blog for entertainment, tho i must say u in person are more entertaining... and annoying :P.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hey meenu i am saying sorry for the bloody sreejesh. Never mind he must be a crack. Let him fuck his mother or sis or his daugher. This is the main passion of mallu guys hurting gals for no reason. His dick must have some prob...may not be functioning. {"To sreejesh ....eda polayadi mone poyi ammana pannu"}.Never utter a word against Meenu or i'll fuck you assole.

    Meenu ....You please goahead...God bless...Muuuaaahhhh !!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. hahah! You know em, I had been reading the blog for say an year or so but not leaving any comments cos I get to be lazy! But now that you mentioned vanitha mag, I remember in an old post you writing that you would not be giving interview to THAT Malayalam mag! Did I somehow miss the post in which you agreed?

    Anyway,the interview was good..And you almost look like the em in the blog..! Hot and mysterious!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Aha... August Rush! This might be of interest then... http://www.filmsite.org/chickflicks.html
    Otherwise awesome site.

    Oh btw... must thank you for helping me overcome the proverbial block with this:

    http://livingfornothingnow.wordpress.com/2008/02/15/st-valentine%e2%80%99s-day-special/

    T.O.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I completely can relate to platonic..
    hmm..
    almost..

    sometimes we do get pretty platonic..
    but the extent to which we get unplatonic leaves me sad thinking of the level of plantonicity left out after the very little un-what ever.. :P

    good read.. will keep coming back..

    ReplyDelete
  25. Hi, I read your blog off and on and you write well. I'm just simply amazed at the level of misogyny direted at you...just amazed...I can't believe you have to deal with this...whoever wrote that is beyond help...

    Best
    Dharini

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hi,
    I started reading your blog when I saw an article in some other malayalam mag a few months back.

    I do really like your writing style. It doesn't matter if people like you or not, It's all a matter of how we perceive it.

    About the hatemail. For one thing, we must appreciate him, at least he was righteous enough to declare he is a pervert and likes to jerk off at models in vanitha. And whether he reads your blog for ticklish satisfaction or anything else is his issue, so carry on with our work.

    Meanwhile, we male folks are sometimes aware of our emotional and sexual insecurities, that's why we protest at times when a girl goes around talking about it. But it's our problem and the wisest of us do know really know how to take care of it. Any information is education, and please do write, and let the less privileged among us learn a bit.

    Meanwhile, I do have a blog. Not much in there now. Only few film reviews. I'm not sure about what to write about now. We males do not actually have the privilege to write so boldly like you. If we write like this, we'll be called porn authors, while they call you 'liberators'. So this can also be one reason male folks protest.

    Thanks
    Christy
    http://www.towardsMoksha.com/

    ReplyDelete
  27. while i respect the right of everyone to express an opinion on public domain writings, i dont get how ppl can be judgmental about a picture of you. thats not on. why is it so tough for most ppl to just like or dislike your writing and get on with life? does WHY you write what you do, really matter to ppl other than you? do you want it to matter? i hve a qn.... why do you blog? not "why do you blog abt x/y/z topic?".... why do you blog at all?

    ReplyDelete
  28. To the “Random Passerby”

    What a pity that such an analytical and intelligently written piece was written by such a narrow minded person! Wow! There are so many points you’ve raised in there that got me thinking, but the only one that I’m responding to is the line where you went “a good many of us know that you are putting your future on the line when you do so”. I’m assuming the “future” you’re talking about (and what all Indians mean when they talk about the “future” of unmarried girls) is a husband, marriage, kids, et al. Is that the only meaningful future out there for a bright, talented, confident, attractive woman? While sharing your life with someone you love and having children, etc, is wonderful, why should that be the ONLY way to fulfillment? Assuming for a moment that it is, I can assure you, Em, that although there are men like the brain-dead one who wrote you that hatemail and men whose brains get the better of them, like “Random Passerby”, there are men out there ("mallus" included!) who are intelligent, interesting, and confident enough in themselves to love a woman who has a mind of her own. I know, cos I married one of them (and we're both "mallus"!) So, Random Passerby, keep watching Em’s blog for “the disaster waiting to happen” and who knows, people like you may just be the ones who have to eat their words!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I like mean girls giving it back to mean guys! Way to go!!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Am new to your blog.....just browsed through the previous ones only last week. bold enuf and well written- may be u don't like compliments, still :)

    have you ever heard anybody criticising a fool?................ and this comment seems to be like:- if thr is nothing else, let it be your pic :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. i used to read your blogs.

    now i could see your pics too.

    eM, you are bold and a beauty with brains.

    handsomdark@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  32. nice! i like platonic although i'm pretty sure i've used it in a state of drunkedness at some point of time.
    and WHY the hell are you posting an email from some hate-sending slave on this awesome blog?

    ReplyDelete
  33. V and I thank you for your compliment!

    ReplyDelete
  34. I visit TCC from time to time and thoroughly enjoy it. Platonic as a noun. Awesome ingenuity! No matter who says what eM, you're inimitable and that's the secret of the success of your blog. Much as we all find the email disgusting, quite honestly, in a country like ours its the very least you can expect. Sad, but true.

    - dipti

    ReplyDelete
  35. hi meenakshi,

    Recently i read the interview that came on vanita mag. Frankly speaking i felt that u are mysterious. and your writing hav the boldness to say that you are extra ordinary in this world.
    keep writing!!
    nice to see u in the picture with the blue top..

    regards to your cat

    ReplyDelete
  36. Hahahahaa....
    I'm even more impressed and inspired, you've the kinda sense of humour most of us could only pray for...
    Really enjoy reading everything you write...
    Believe me!, i enjoy everything you write coz you have a great attitude!
    Keep it up!!!
    :)))

    Shishir

    ReplyDelete
  37. I like that word platonic, and your take on it makes somehow more usable. And hey em, I have to agree with random passerby. He just wrote what I have been wanting to say for a while, but been too lazy to articulate it. Its not your marriage prospects I'm worried about, but your own vulernability to jerks and piss-offs everytime you write about yourself. Think about it a while.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Hi,

    I have a few questions...

    Qn.1. Some write for themselves, some for others, who do you write for?

    Qn. 2. Your writing is conspicuous by strains of revenge writing, Why so?

    Qn. 3. This question takes its cue from Qn.1, have you ever thought how would your 'so-called impulsive confessions' impact young minds? Or in other words, are you ready to take responsibility for your writing?

    Qn. 4. Personal, (but for me interesting): Ever tried to figure out what your parents thoughts are about you and your future?

    If you feel like answering, do so...

    regards
    r h!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Kary,
    You misunderstand me. When I spoke of eM putting her future on the line, I did not mean it in the traditional Baratiya Nari sense.
    While I do think that it would be great to see eM eventually settle down with a nice man who really gets her, I think that that would be only a portion of the happiness that life could have in store for her.
    I see blogging about what are normally considered to be personal sexual details as not only getting in the way of a fulfilling relationship, but also impacting her personal and professional life.
    I worry that eM, in her quest for short term popularity or perhaps (if I wanted to get Freudian) a fan base as big as her father's, is not thinking about the consequences of sharing her intimate secrets with the big ugly world that exists outside her own sheltered one.
    Finally, I'm sure that your husband is "intelligent, interesting, and confident enough" to be married to someone with a mind of her own, but ask yourself this; Would he have been equally taken up with you if he had found out that you had written public articles on how you like to smoke while guys go down on you, or details on how you use your twin headed vibrator, or your thoughts on swallowing vs. spitting etc? Would you be happy if you found out that he had done the same?

    ReplyDelete
  40. Hey eM, I'm glad you published his email id. Even if it's fake, whyever not?

    I published the Orkut profile link to one such jerk once. Cheecky bastard comes and says, "married woemn should not do Orkut" whatever that means.

    Mind, the post and its long-term effectes certainly spread a lot of laughter all around. :)

    ReplyDelete
  41. Oh and Random Passerby -- I did read your post through and I don't think you said anything very 'wrong' but I've found there's always some guy out there 'man' enough to take me as I am, blogger and in the real world. I guess eM will find hers yet. The ones who can't take her blog won't be able to take the person she is either, so they don't really count.

    If you know where I'm coming from?

    ReplyDelete
  42. To Random Passerby,

    Nice reply to my comment and I appreciate, once again, your logic and the reason behind it, but I think Sue has expressed what I had to say in response to it, and very well at that! Case rested!

    ReplyDelete
  43. hello dear i m so sad i cud nt c ur talk 4 d kitab fest!i was shuttling between my television nd computer expecting it 2 b either in ndtv.com or in d television.i really wish i cud b there.post a video.how did it go?

    ReplyDelete
  44. It was not necessary to put the hate mail on public……..

    U supposed to give speech on young writer….writing book etc..etc…….. and this kind of diversion does not fit now….neither suits to you nor any taste to your reader……

    Just genuinely waste of time…..

    ReplyDelete
  45. eM,
    Your life seems pretty vacuous to me. It's a little depressing. For you anyway. I don't care to pass judgment on you. But aren't you afraid of waking up at 40 and being one incredibly lonely woman with lots of drunk stories but nothing to show for it?

    -Tripfinder

    ReplyDelete
  46. ഹായ് മീനാക്ഷി
    ഞാന്‍ ജസീര്‍ . മനോരമ വനിതയില്‍ വായിച്ചു ഇന്റര്‍വ്യൂ ഇട്സ് റിയല്‍ കൂള്‍ . നന്നയിട്ടുണ്ട് especially മീനാക്ഷിയുടെ ഫോടോ .. ബ്ലോഗ് നന്നായി നന്നാവുന്നുണ്ട് ഇനിയും നന്നാവട്ടെ നന്നാവും . ഗോഡ് ബ്ലെസ് യൂ‌ .... [ malayalam lang]

    ജസീര്‍ പുനത്തില്‍
    http://www.orkut.com/Profile.aspx?uid=1369150957440436341

    ReplyDelete
  47. Aah. I actually met the Trivial Matters photographer chapz some months back who happened to be a friend of a friend. Tiny world. Btw, 'Platonik' would be a better; to make it a noun. :)

    ReplyDelete
  48. Hey.. wow, you're blog is so popular. I saw this in Vanitha and thought I'd come read. I only typed "Com.." in my G toolbar and this was second.. quite crazy.

    Anyways 'platonic' made me laugh. That was amazing. And as far as the hate mail goes, it's awesome that you could take it lightly. Obviously that guy doesn't have a life (seriously, 'polayaadi' was the IT curse of 2 generations ago).

    Good luck with your book..

    ReplyDelete
  49. There may be tons of pornographic writing on internet, this is nothing more than that. But we r forced to comment when mainstream magazines celebrate this.Malayalamanorama and its publications are notorious for spreading this kind of junks(they always speak for anti social elements). What the hell this girl has done? Nalini Jameela a prostitute had written better and published a book on her experience. A lot of sluts like this girl are there in every city. Especially Bangalore. This is nothing but a mean gimmick to be popular. You will get a lot of neurotic fans..hahah. You may start a pornographic website and "live video".
    Poor girls may see these kind of people as role model, and repeat Suryanelli, Kiliroor and ...more.
    If one person shits in the middle of city and deliver a speech on his/her act.. nothing bold in it.
    No use of blaming her, but her parents. Fortunately(or unfortunately) all sluts are not writers.
    Madhavan chetta...kashtam

    ReplyDelete
  50. Tom, well said, she had so many other ways of expressing her views.. she could have put everything in an antobio book or a noval. This is just to get noticed by standing out nude in the crowd.. The only thing is this will give confidence to the immoral side of innocent people in a tempting world around.. By the time she is old enough to understand this she will find herself gone too far with it.. You can do what you like. Fine. But why do you want to publish it? To get noticed!! As some one said a pornographic site would be much better to relate than showing off SMARTNESS like this. Pennorumbettaal ennu keettittunde... eM athu kaanichchu thannu..
    This would give a total bad reflection to the rest of the female population who has their slates clean.. Who actually value Indian culture.. But one stale slut will destroy the pond!!
    eM, Dont ever think of coming to Kerala dear.. All your smartness will be in vain..

    ReplyDelete
  51. You are obviously better off staying away from Kerala, eM, if the moronic comments by men claiming to be from that state are any indication! Have been reading you since your "Fat Lady" days, just wanted to say I love the way you write.

    ReplyDelete
  52. what's the deal with malayali men? why are you guys all so threatened by a girl who is comfortable enough with her sexuality to discuss it frankly? besides, this blog is about so much more than just sex - the fact that the sex is all that you can see is a good indicator of where your minds are.
    maybe your loser state will eventually limp out of stagnation if its menfolk started doing something constructive on their own instead of standing on the sidelines and criticizing those who actually make it into the spotlight.
    grow a dick you bunch of ignorant wusses.

    ReplyDelete
  53. what's the deal with malayali men? why are you guys all so threatened by a girl who is comfortable enough with her sexuality to discuss it frankly? besides, this blog is about so much more than just sex - the fact that the sex is all that you can see is a good indicator of where your minds are.
    maybe your loser state will eventually limp out of stagnation if its menfolk started doing something constructive on their own instead of standing on the sidelines and criticizing those who actually make it into the spotlight.
    grow a dick you bunch of ignorant wusses.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Once upon a time, there used to be 25-30 comments to a post, none too high-brow, none abusive. some disagreement, some encouragement, all friendly.

    Lot more comments, but subtract the silly ones, and the rebuttals to the silly ones--and eM is in a mid-blog crisis :)

    what price, fame?

    ReplyDelete
  55. Amen Puranjoy,

    When my internet-illiterate, kafka and marquez sprouting super-highbrow (estranged)pop starts telling my mom about how his old friend's kid's blog should be opened on the comp-contraption so that he can peruse it, one knows eM has moved on to a greater world..

    Here's to your own 15 mins, and to not letting the spotlight blind ya:)

    ReplyDelete
  56. Saw you at the talk on Sunday. You have a really good thing going here.

    Congrats on creating such clear and rather well written (seems almost natural, conversational) representations of what it is to be a young woman growing up in urban india today. Its good to know we have an evolving world. Just not sure I like the way its evolving (or hope it evolves past this).

    But if thats all that urban Indian women have to offer these days it seems all a bit empty. Doesn't this life bore you - the constant drinking, the spending time defining what friendships are and aren't. Not engaging in anything that is a bit more meaningful, bit less flitty, and not at all connected to the world?

    How does any of this touch people? meaningfully, in a way that they can take something away from it that they can cherish, where's the growing and developing that comes from a night at pub getting drunk, writing about coining some 'new' (not really new at all) term, or writing about yet another universal insight that someone or the other has already written about.

    So forgettable.

    I feel like you've got something here with this lovely writing style, and your ability to have insight, and i was reading in the hope that somewhere, at some point, you'd use these lovely skills of yours to talk about something we can all take something away from.

    Its like Bombay, full of really smart people all talking about really dumb things all the time. Where does that leave us? Did we all come here to do that?

    Hope your book gives us more than this. I don't know how much more of this I can consume.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Who was he expecting to see? Salma Hayek?

    Mallu men are JERKS.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Unlike the other commentator here, I feel if you have been in US, like dooce.com or so many others, you could have easily made a living out of blogging alone!

    You write well and this from a reader who was prudish enough to skip your posts on couple of topics.

    - Sachita

    PS: For all those trolls, this is her personal space and she writes what she feels. Don't read it if you don't like it...

    ReplyDelete
  59. Metros: "This would give a total bad reflection to the rest of the female population who has their slates clean..Who actually value Indian culture.. But one stale slut will destroy the pond!!"

    Ummm, excuse me? Slates clean? Sure, depends on your definition of "clean."
    You shouldn't generalize. If your dreams of Indian girls are of pure, virginal, I-shall-not-drink-smoke-or-indulge-in-premarital-sex, then you're in for a really, really nasty surprise.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Hey em, I've been reading you for quite sometime. One question which I'v wanted to ask you,..Were u on indiatimes blog before this? If you were, then we've had a few intersting comments/conversations going. But never thought u'd be so famous..touche'...m happy for you...way to go gal! By the way, speaking of our very own mallu society, the less said about the insecurities of the men around, the better...they would go to any extent to prove their superiority over the women, adopting caveman tactics to get their way.Sad.If nothing helps, they resort to slander,verbal and physical abuse. I've had a bitter taste of it,quite recently and that too @ my workplace.I was harassed for months coz I 'm bold and outspoken and gave my male colleagues a run for their money.They ganged up against me..and did everything in their old books to get me to resign including spreading dirty stories,sending anon complaints to the top management and propositioning me (ugh!!).Finally when nothing worked, I was physically assaulted when I was supervising a night shift.No I am readying up to fight a legal battle against my employer,who mysteriously refuses to admit to any such incident happening on its premises obviously fearing that it would affect it's business!! It's apalling how these men expect you to cosy upto them addressing them as "chetta" and some such endearments,flutter your eyelashes at them and basically play coy even at the workplace.If you don't toe their line, you are seen as an outsider..and a target of their vengeance! Coming back to the point, I thought of confessing back to you (as u like to call it) just to let you know that it feels good to have gals like you around..for inspiration. As for the suv100 mail, it sounds like one of my ex-colleagues (;-)) (un)doing!! LOls...

    ReplyDelete
  61. For long .. i skipped the comments section .. kudos to the random passerby .. a counter perspective worth a reply from eM .. I am sure such comments merit reply(mention in posts) than those by some useless jerk (suv or whatever) .. I am sure .. eM would like to make her posts more intellectually stimulating as well .. read eM's outlook posts as well .. so i have high regards for eM's writing
    As for other replies ..Sue, Kary .. appreciate your thoughtful response to random passerby .. Unlike many a women i know .. who get angry and defensive when their feministic ideals challenged .. your mature replies are a welcome change ..

    ReplyDelete
  62. unlike most of the feminist commentators here, i agree completely with random passerby, and i consider myself a feminist. this blog has great entertainment value, kind of on the same level as "people" magazine. as to eM furthering the cause of feminism in india -- it's a strange claim to make of this blog, and it is interesting to see that eM is not making it.
    this blog reminds me of the father character in maxine swann's "flower children", and as i see it, pooping in public doesn't make you a liberal.

    to the woman who left the anonymous comment about being harassed in the workplace; i'm worried for you, and i hope the assault wasn't too serious and didn't leave you injured. you really should contact the authorities or an NGO to get help with this. get a lawyer! take care.

    ReplyDelete
  63. To the people who worry about eM's future and happiness, all I can ask is why? There are all kinds of people in the world, and many who've done far worse things than eM here, and they manage to find happiness, so why shouldn't she be able to? She has not committed any crime, she has not hurt anyone's feelings, she is writing about and for herself and not claiming to represent modern Indian womanhood (that is something which others have attributed to her writing), and if people don't like her writing, that's one thing, but if they judge her as a person because of her writing, they don't deserve to know her.
    To those who feel deeply saddened that this is all eM has to offer (I think this was a comment by one of the anonymouses, the one who compared it to Bombay being full of smart people talking about dumb things), I can only wonder that they really think they know her and can comment on her entire life.
    This is a BLOG, for crap's sake, and you only get to read what she writes, not get to know her IN PERSON. There IS a difference, and the sooner people realize that and stop giving her moral and life gyan because they read a BLOG POST, the better.

    ReplyDelete
  64. PS - Appreciate the 1BRUCE1 bit :)

    ReplyDelete
  65. getting some is so over-rated & when chicks talk about it, it makes 'em look cheap, IMO. i mean i'm a chauvinist & everythin, so it's cool if i say it, but if a woman says it & then expects the "male dominated world" to treat her fair... u got another idea comin :)

    ReplyDelete
  66. Em! Time for a new post! Too much verbal Mas..b..t..ion already on this!

    "THIS BLOG SPACE BELONGS TO EM" not to the NGO's or government for promoting culture and development of any kind. This is her personal space and if anyone finds it offensive they have the freedom to not log in and read. For all of you guys who find her blog obnoxious and find her writing bad and mistake her sense of humour as sexual innuendoes have the choice to stop logging in here and visiting United Nations,CRY, UnAids,TRAI....etc etc sites where you can grow all you want and take some thing back as u all want!

    As for her being pretty or not is immaterial 'coz none of u are being forced to marry her..neither does she owe u money..neither is she ur sister whose future should be giving u sleepless nites..Besides stop and ask ur selves one question..just one question..how many of ur own sisters and mothers are "Stunning-drop-dead-gorgeous" to look at and what if they were'nt? Wld you be ashamed to have them around u! If looks is the "big" criteria and the amount of culture and value a person has is proportional to her beauty then how cultureless and valueless are most of ur family members?

    If u really get bugged by this blog stop visiting and checking out what's up and stop deriving voyeuristic pleasure reading it..and dont jus comment for the sake of commenting..do that if u have something valid to say.

    Case rested.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Em

    Please respond to all these. I have 5 questions

    1. Are you slightly confused now-a-days relative to your FIRM opinions days gone by

    2. What do you think of stupid mallu guys who seems to be the most perverted lot , Voyeuristic too.

    3. Which one you enjoymore a. the act of sex b. To talk or blog about your sex life

    4. What is your reaction if I make the statement that Indians are the most individualistic...in the sense that they act in the ost selfish manner

    ReplyDelete
  68. This guy can't count. His opinion doesn't matter.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Hey eM,

    First time reading your blog after seeing you in Vanitha Mag.
    Just one word: YOU ROCK!
    keep going.

    Lov

    ReplyDelete
  70. Ahhhh!! so.. now trolls come with a first name, last name AND an email ID.
    WoW! Those were a lot of comments and no one is probably going to get to as far as mine - the 76th one.. But hey, gotta ask. I don't get it. Why is this blog looked upon as a 'sex' blog? The write-ups on the S word was very few (come on gal.. you can do better!) and I can barely remember any of them. And puhlease, the one on the gyny.. that was the most forgettable of them all! No one would remember it if every magazine was harping about it.
    And girl.. WHATEVER made you appear in Vanitha?

    ReplyDelete
  71. whats with these mallu men?
    How dare they make such remarks.. stupid assholic jerks.
    i mean whatever will make them mind their own lives..

    ReplyDelete
  72. Hi Minna,

    i ma not here to judge the sanctity in your life or writing, but i sure do admire the guts and honesty in ur writing. I wish i could write the way u do.

    ReplyDelete
  73. a-hem, I appreciate your reply. The word 'clean' can be made to use in ones own interest.. Sleeping with a new guy with changing moods and changing taste and washing the dirt off your body is one way of being 'clean'.. I am sorry I did not mean the word in this perspective.. Drinking, smoking and premarital sex count under ones personal interest.. For what you said "..If your dreams of Indian girls are of pure, virginal,I-shall-not-drink- smoke-or-indulge-in-premarital-sex, then you're in for a really, really nasty surprise..", its never a big deal to toss a drink or to have a puff of smoke or to be in the bed before marriage.. Being a girl I enjoy it all with my husband giving all my heart to it..
    You need it, you do it. Why would anyone want to bring it in public and get noticed? And some appreciate it while others don’t, whichever is their choice all are being judgemental. Why? Civilisation does not mean being a super intellect and having an electro-comfortable life style at one end and being a total animal in terms of basic instincts and sexual needs..
    Where do you think this would lead the world to..? What do you have in your hands to pass on to the next generation..? We have been brought up with stories that our grandparents and parents had to tell us about life and its morals.. What do you have to tell your children.. the stories of interesting sex episodes with noname partners? or the thrill of alcohol rush into your blood?? Well well we don’t have to TELL them, they can learn it by the time they learn to read!! Thanks to all people like Em.. You can do much much better eM, your words can cause a stir among the crowd. Please use it in a much more productive manner. Give something worthy to the world and leave a benchmark with your skills.
    The next generation builds up looking at the previous.. Well if we all want our babies to be one amongst them I withdraw all my statements..
    eM's journey is on the track leading to the fate similar to Taslima Nasreen.. Keep your senses open!

    ReplyDelete
  74. Metros....

    Please dont Bullshit .....

    You r too confused even for that

    ReplyDelete
  75. Have you considered attending Alcoholics Anonymous (http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/en_is_aa_for_you.cfm?PageID=71)?

    ReplyDelete
  76. This is just to pleasing EM!!!


    Hi Sreejesh!(if its your name),



    I found the below mail in EM's Blog.I feel its important to replay to you highlighting some of the points you have specified in the mail.



    1) ...now here was a real polayadi mol of our generation, very much like kamala das or suraiah or whatever (the old hag keeps changing her name all the time).





    2) ...The first thing I said to myself was "CRAP". The Cherummi who used to sweep my house





    3)...The guy who humped you, was he fucking blind or was he too stoned to give a shit?





    These points makes me surprise! How can an individual that too educated enough ( seems like that) keeps ideas like this? Absolutely no respect towards female! You are keeping uncultured impression on Cherummies!You don't have the minimum knowledge of the chemistry of fucking! This one really surprise me! You must read more and understand at least that.



    Kamala Das is a brave lady she was talking about her "fucking experiences" before 30 or 40 years back in a socity like ours, which you or me cannot do even today! in your language " don't have balls to do it"!



    Have you red "God of Small Things"?! There is a fucking in the end....a sister is fucking brother!!!!! Can you accept it?...Can you talk in the same way to Arundhadi????All people recognized her are fools??? Man you need to change seriously!!!You are in absolute wrong track!!!



    Man, you must control your anger(idiotic) and must learn to respect others! EM and Kamala Das has right to live the way they want...you cannot question...the most illiterate in india won't talk in they way you did!



    Regards
    Pappilon dxb.

    ReplyDelete
  77. What does a typical mariner do when the ship reaches the shores? Rush to the nearest brothel. What was our mariner doing? Rush to the nearest post office so that he can send letters to his daughter. Back home, what was his daughter doing? Sleep with guys, smoke, drink, and seduce her friend’s husband. And, of course, she had a lesbian connection too!

    Read this fictional work ages back in a weekly. Never thought that an almost similar story will unwind in his daughter’s blog. Wow! Kudos to you Madhavan!

    ReplyDelete
  78. Platonic is a darn good idea. Why do random ppl use your blog to remove their frustrations..udiots the whole bunch of them :)

    ReplyDelete
  79. Mr svu is just another of those people who formed his own image of you and was deeply disappointed.
    That is why I put my pic on the blog....so as not to disappoint people when/if they actually see me.
    knowing my personality.........I think they'll be disappointed anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  80. These hand me downs were oral until the kind Kottayam Namboodri Syrian Orthodox Thirumeni Bava Brahmin wrote it all down.. Borrowed text all the same interesting thought..

    1 ) NOT KISSING FIRST.
    Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

    2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
    Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

    3) NOT SHAVING.
    You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

    4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
    Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

    5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
    Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.

    6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
    Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

    7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
    A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

    8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
    Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

    9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
    Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

    10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
    Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

    11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
    Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

    12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
    Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.

    13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
    Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

    14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
    Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

    15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
    You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

    16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
    Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of
    buttons.

    17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
    A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first.

    18) GOING TOO FAST.
    When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

    19) GOING TOO HARD.
    If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

    20) COMING TOO SOON.
    Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

    21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
    It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

    22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
    You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask

    23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
    Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

    24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
    Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about
    three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

    25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
    Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

    26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
    Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.

    27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
    In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

    28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
    Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

    29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
    This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.

    30) TAKING PICTURES.
    When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words” to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

    31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
    Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

    32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
    There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

    33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
    If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

    34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
    Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.

    35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
    It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck,if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

    36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
    Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.

    37) TALKING DIRTY.
    It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900line.If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know

    38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
    You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

    39) SQUASHING HER.
    Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

    40) THANKING HER.
    Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.

    ReplyDelete
  81. These hand me downs were oral until the kind Kottayam Namboodri Syrian Orthodox Thirumeni Bava Brahmin wrote it all down.. Borrowed text all the same interesting thought..

    1 ) NOT KISSING FIRST.
    Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

    2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
    Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

    3) NOT SHAVING.
    You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

    4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
    Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

    5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
    Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.

    6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
    Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

    7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
    A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

    8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
    Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

    9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
    Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

    10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
    Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

    11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
    Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

    12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
    Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.

    13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
    Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

    14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
    Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

    15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
    You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

    16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
    Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of
    buttons.

    17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
    A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first.

    18) GOING TOO FAST.
    When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

    19) GOING TOO HARD.
    If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

    20) COMING TOO SOON.
    Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

    21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
    It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

    22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
    You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask

    23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
    Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

    24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
    Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about
    three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

    25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
    Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

    26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
    Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.

    27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
    In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

    28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
    Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

    29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
    This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.

    30) TAKING PICTURES.
    When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words” to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

    31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
    Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

    32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
    There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

    33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
    If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

    34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
    Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.

    35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
    It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck,if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

    36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
    Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.

    37) TALKING DIRTY.
    It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900line.If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know

    38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
    You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

    39) SQUASHING HER.
    Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

    40) THANKING HER.
    Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Amen Puranjoy.

    i say shut down this page one fine day, quit while you're at the top..blah..and start all over again..New name,New page et all..what say?

    ANd we'll have some kinda secret sign-up ritual which is designed to weed out every lil prudish/hypocritical strain in yer blood..A kinda expanded secret 7..with you as the common doggie:-)

    ReplyDelete
  83. @ one of the anon commentors up there:

    Have you considered attending Alcoholics Anonymous

    heh....I don't think she needs to that anymore ;)

    ReplyDelete
  84. hi MEEN, One lady can go upto the end of World. But wherever u go,there is a GAP between SHE and HE.

    ReplyDelete
  85. hi!!everyone has his or her views, more and more hate mails may comem keep writing..
    ps.i would like to have an interview with you someday, not the one like in vanitha. i work in rosebowl a channel here in kerala, if u dont mind reply in my mail
    suraj@asianet.co.in

    ReplyDelete
  86. i am pushing this to a hundred, come on people. I always defend "mallu men", but here for once I am truly ashamed.

    Also I can sort of see where random passerby is coming from. I am sure she is a middle-aged person who is looking at things from her perspective and has your best interests in mind. The fact that I and most people here would disagree with her can probably be attributed to what is referred to as the "generation gap."

    come on people.....6 more comments for the century.

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  87. i know there are already 94 comments on this post but i've got to say this - moderate your comments. we come here, read an enjoyable post - agree or disagree - politely and move on.

    no one. and i mean no one. needs to take this shit. i'd give you platitudes about how if you're famous any publicity is good yaada yaada, but that is just so much shit.

    weed the f**kers out and hit delete. some of these ppl are so shady that they get their kicks from knowing that their rude comment is up on THE eM's blog...

    you go girl and know that plenty of ppl are standing by you and not in the least bit threatened or jealous.. nothing but positive vibes.

    ReplyDelete
  88. i am very new to your blog,just read a few paragraphs; seems to start liking it.and these hate mails are written those guys who really don't have no confidence in themselves.i did receive one or two when i reject guys.to add not all guys are like him.. :) will mail you in detail

    ReplyDelete
  89. I think most of the guys including me ,visit this blog only and only in search of hot nasty stories
    .So you are much much decent and pure than us ..I am jealous of that man shared night with such a couragious girl like you .I respect your courage.. keep going ..

    ReplyDelete
  90. I just can't let the comments not go up to a century!...so heres number 99.

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  91. Hi! That guy has issues with himself.I am sure I am gonna get some hate mail after this!*laughs*
    How did I come across your blog? Thru Vanitha. I am sorry I don't read mal, but I believe mum read it out to me. She was shocked. I am so glad she doesn't read my blog.I am sure she's gonna have a fit if she knew I left a comment on your blog.
    Wasn't it weird having your blog being post-mortem-ed and dissected by people? Sad thing is, If i ever wrote a tell-all blog, I am sure I'd be the first to blab my identitiy!*laughs*
    One piece of advice though, people accept you in the virtual world as you are. But when it suddenly translates into reality, everyone runs away screaming murder.
    Take care!Ciao

    ReplyDelete
  92. Long back I had a driver who used to say, "On the road, always be careful of lady drivers and sardars." I still marvel at his ability to express both sexism and racism so succintly in one sentence.
    Our man suv100 reminds me of him. If only he had added something about the gay brethren, we'd have the perfect bigot.

    ReplyDelete

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