Tanya, sitting around in my room with Priya and Kabir. Much Old Monk and Smirnoff was being consumed, the smoke in the air practically touched the floor.
Tanya (taking a contemplative drag of her cigarette): So the other day, the guidance counsellor at college asked me to give up smoking.
Tanya: Ya, he said, you shouldn't smoke, because then later when you get married you will have (dropped voice) pregnancy problems.
Priya: You're not serious.
Tanya: Ya, so then I said, 'Sir, I'm not planning on having kids.'
Me: That's telling them! There are enough kids in this country anyway. I plan to adopt. Anyway can you imagine a belly ring on a huge pregnant stomach?
Tanya: Listen, na, I'm not done with my story. So then he goes, 'How can you not have children? You're a girl! It is a gift!'
Me: (by this time cracking up) A rare talent!
Priya: We should put it on our resumes. Skills: Can write. Extras: Can produce babies.
Me: Ya, but the boys have to help too.
Tanya: A little.
Priya: Very little.
Me: Ya, but the human race can't get propogated without the men.
Priya: I'm waiting for the day that men will carry the babies. I will have children just so I can see that.
Kabir: Like seahorses.
Me: Yes, very good Kabir! Exactly like the seahorses.
Priya; So.. um... do the female seahorses have penises?
Dee in my car. We just finished watching Million Dollar Baby. Oh, the boxing. Oh, the sound of gristle against fist. Oh, the blood. Oh, Hilary Swank's perfect body. And oh, the depression.
Dee: Now why would that win four Oscars?
Me: Coz it's sad. You know, like Titanic.
Dee: I'm going to make a very depressing movie. It'll have a dog that dies.
Dee: Ooh, and kids! Lots of kids.
Me: That's already been made. It's called Old Yeller.
Dee: Well, one of the kids in my movie will have cancer.
Me: Ooh, and the other one should be handicapped. And all they have to live for is their dog.
Dee: Who dies.
Me: Run over by a mean man.
Dee: Run over by their father who is mean and beats his wife.
Me: But he learns the error of his ways, too late, because by then the kids are dead.
Dee: And the wife kills herself.
Me: But there should be some kind of sport. Like baseball. Or, ooh, sailing!
Dee: The last shot will be of the boat. Adrift. Because the man jumped off it. And he set it on course before he did, so now it's heading straight for the Statue Of Liberty.
Me: And he used to work at the WTC, and just as he kills himself, the tragedy happens. Which will symbolise how pointless his suicide was, because he would've died anyway.
Dee: Okay, I want to make a depressing movie, not a bad one.