19 May 2005

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease, I'm a goddess on my knees

> Some people, said Bridget Jones, are like jellyfish. They look perfectly harmless and all, and you're all unprepared and going, "Oh, how cute, a little translucent ball of gelatin-like substance!" and wham! they get you with a little sting. And only little stings, which is what annoys about the jellyfish. Man-o'-wars can at least get you passed out for a while, but the jellyfish's subtle "BUZZ" hurts a lot more. And just when you're least prepared for it too. You're swimming, happily minding your own beeswax and suddenly, "Have you put on weight?" Or "I love the way you get away with wearing stuff that would look so slutty on other people." Things like that. I forget real life examples, but you get the general drift.

>Aargh, aargh. WHEN did the transparent shirt for guys make a comeback? I counted three whole grown-up people, people who should really know better, in transparent shirts. One tonight at TC was wearing (wait for it) a transparent WHITE shirt, with embossed FLOWERS and a set of black strings around his neck. And sitting at the Cafe Coffee Day (CCD to its admirers) in Saket, I saw a girl in a shiny metallic silver top with little sequin thingies around the bottom. God. Is it like being colour blind, having a bad dress sense?

> Here's another thing that I wonder about. Why do people who come from abroad to India briefly for a holiday get so chatty? I've heard loads of bullshit about "Oh you Indians are so warm and friendly!" Warm and friendly, my ass. Most of the time, if you're a firang and you're going on and on and on about the beautiful culture and the lovely people, we're thinking "Chutiyas"*. Or maybe that's just me being uncharitable. Maybe I should be warmer and friendlier.
* If you didn't understand that, trust me, you don't want to know.

> Since for the past few days I've been having an Abhijeet Sawant overdose, I've begun seeing him everywhere. No seriously. I'm driving, and I see him in the next car. I'm window shopping and bam! there he is loitering with his friends. I'm at TC and I see at least five of him, scattered all over the place. And each time I hold my breath, waiting to see if he acts like someone famous, so I can be scornful.

> Ex-New Boy propositioned me today. So blatantly also. "My friend's going out of town and he's given me the keys to his place." I was on the phone with him and narrowly missed having an accident because I was rolling my eyes so much. "Um.. p'raps not, " I told him. "Why?" he asked. Why? WHY? Because your mother's a psycho freak, that's why. Because I'm just not interested, that's why. But I didn't say that. I said merely, "I'm not looking for random sex, thanks all the same." I'm such a chicken.

> And then there are the boys who hit on you, only they're not hitting on you, they're hitting on your profession. They're chatting you up, everything's hunky-dory and you're all flutter-eyed and coy and then, "Hey, you know, I have a restaurant and it's really nice and you should really cover it in your newspaper." Yeah, buddy, get in line. And get a new line while you're at it.

> Yeah, I just needed to get all that bitchiness out of my system. This weather has me all out-of-sorts. Today Iggy and I met many exes and as soon as we smiled and said hello, we turned to each other and made huge "L" signs. Hypocrites, totally, but it felt so good. I've been so angelic for so long, I feel it's time for some bad behaviour. It's like indulgence, like chocolate or tequila, this badness, this bitching inside my head and it amuses me. And I enjoy being amused.

17 comments:

  1. Be bitchy. Be bitchy. be bitchy. It's the best fix in the world. Plus, soooo entertaining! Though other people may think you're jellyfish....

    And though I totally understand the fitang thing, I really didn't get the Abijeet Sawant fixation...??!!

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  2. i support motheather and the whole notion of being bitchy. coz as a rule of thumb most people are bitchy and even if you try to be nice and sweet abt them they are likely to bitch abt you behind ur back - so kick bacj while you can take the first blow

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  3. how sweet you are. you actually feel slightly repentant about being bitchy. bitch away, girl. and shamelessly.

    oh, and i remember when after knph, soooo many guys were strutting about in black transparent tees. eeeeeks!

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  4. As it turns out, dear eM, 'Chutiyas' was an ice-breaker when I first got to know my Indian colleagues. They sat me down and said "Look, man. If you're going to use it, at least pronounce it right." And yes, it's bad ass.

    And about transparent shirts. A colleague wore one to a presentation and totally ruined it by way of distraction. I think he should have been fired on that basis alone.

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  5. Be as bitchy as you can be eM. Life is a bitch too.

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  6. motheater: I don't think I'd be a jellyfish, coz all these things stay in my head. See, tolja I was chicken! And Abhijeet Sawant coz of his new album and because I've been seeing him in all the papers and all recently.

    sagnik: I totally agree with you.. well, sometimes... when I'm not so jaded, I think the world is full of peace and love. And furry little animals.

    Vishnupriya: I KNOW! And it's back! Like the rising of the undead or something. Or Zee Horror Show.

    The Box: Oh wow! (Or should I say Arre wah, Mr. Linguistic Genius? :)) But I am curious about what they transalated it as :)

    DW: Thanks! Hey, you're new! Wheeee!

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  7. in cal, all the roadside romeos donned transparent tees for a while (in polyester, no less). if they had physiques like hrithik, i miiiight just have forgiven them, but they were closer to hritiks skinny sidekick whose name i cant remember.

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  8. Why if he's a firang guy he might be looking for a fling. The other day I met this cute American with WHO. He wanted to know where we young things head for a night out. I gave him a huge list of names:)

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  9. walk, ass, talks about self. did we share the same boy?? did he call at 2 am with nothing in particular to say but you could hear the telly in the background and there'd just be long silences?? these are BIG MAMMOTH GARGANTUAN reasons to say tata bye-bye. eating style for instance. dance style. oh big BIG big reasons. im getting all annoyed and irritated just REMEMBERING these things. im sooooo glad it's ex-New Boy.

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  10. a) I insist that someone tells me what Chutiya means. I'm not going to ask anyone in rea life in case I get beaten up.

    b) I have no transparent shirts. When I go clubbing, the entire top comes off.

    c) eM, eM, eM. You must learn to appreciate casual, random, mindless, angry, anonymous sex and take it when you can get it. Take it from someone who's no longer allowed to.

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  11. > Are you implying that you didn't get all those remarks aren't from real life ? That too, from the same night ?

    > Shoot em, on sight. Pull out my oozi and fill em with lead.

    > Its called the traveller syndrome. Or atleast, I call it that. When visiting a place, everything seems warm and cuddly. Its when you live there for more than a week, you get to see the choots, as you put it.

    > Don't know him. I would have paid to see Simon bash him up though.

    > That's like the most brutally honest thing you have ever said. Or, rather, I have ever heard you say.

    > You and your ilk, have it sooo easy. I don't see any ladies coming up to software peoples and going... yeah.. blah blah.. can you help me debug this program ?!? Wonder why... :))

    > 'I've been so angelic for so long' - sorry. Can't say anything... am too busy laughing my lunch out...

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  12. "random sex"... hmmm... interesting. but, before i start making weird observations about how sex too can be random and how i love randomness, i'd like to know just what u meant when u said "random sex". :D

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  13. I just went back and read the previous posts on Ex-New Boy and must compliment you on noticing the red flags. I once stopped dating a guy because despite being 22, he insisted on calling his mother "mommy". *shivers as she has a flashback*

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  14. hmmmm. my ex actually had a really sweet mom (and dad and sister). and now i wonder if he was adopted. really unfair, not giving me any red flags.

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  15. Ah, love that song. i once played it for a girl who annoyed me with her bitchiness. unfortunately, she thought it was a compliment. the sex that followed was good, though.

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  16. vishnupriya: I think that was an all-Indian phenomenon. And MOST of my exes had brilliant families. :)

    AB: You should've said, "Why don't you call me and I'll take you around?" :)

    Mangs: I know! And then he called again for a movie or some such and just the way he said "Hallo" if I hadn't said anything for two seconds made me want to kill him.

    Jay: a) Why don't you askthebox? :) b) If you come to Delhi, I must witness this! c) Now I'm looking for something "special" *deep sigh*

    Vignesh: Awww.. cheer up, I'm sure your job has its plus points too (Just not as many as mine! Ha ha!)

    Mandar: Random sex: Sex without any emotions. Nothing to do with randomness.

    Mint: Yeah, but it took me FOREVER to notice the warning signs. I'm soooooo glad that's over.

    fingeek: I think it's the "goddess on my knees" that inspires most women to new levels! ;)

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