These are the things I don't get about sex.
a) So you know when you're making out with someone? And there comes this bit when you're all heavy breathing and you go, throatily, "So, um.. do you have something?" and he goes, "Yeah, give me a second." Now I never know whether I should be insulted that he came prepared, or thankful, because now it means we can get on with it, instead of just putting our clothes back on and playing Scrabble. On the whole, I'm always a little bemused sorta teetering between insulted and grateful. It's not a good sort of emotion, bemused. I'd much rather he didn't have any protection and we went on this gigglesome Middle Of The Night condom adventure. So much more fun.
Of course, then there's the guy who carries condoms ALL THE TIME. I'm talking constantly equipped with the red and black Kamasutra* packet nestling next to his change. Sometimes when it's hot, you can see the outline of the condom in his wallet. He thinks it's saying, "Ooh. look at me. I'm getting some" when clearly it's saying, "Help! I've been in here since 1993!"
*Durex rips. Trust me. I know THREE people this has happened to. Which sorta defeats the purpose of a condom in the first place.
b) You know sex in the shower? How does that work exactly? See, I've tried it, only the water kept getting into my nose, which wasn't sexy because every two or three seconds I'd resurface sputtering. I know some people have managed great acrobatics in the shower but HOW? Do you wear scuba equipment? Do you hold your breath? How do you avoid constantly spitting out the water that's in your mouth?
c) So yeah, I know I'm going to write this and post this and certain people who shall remain nameless will either cackle furtively into their morning coffee when they read it and/or post a dirty comment or email me telling me what a slut I am for talking about sex. My explaination for those people, (coz I'm a fair kinda gal, I like everyone to have their own points of views) is that they've been watching too much Bollywood. So, yeah, in a country that's grossly overpopulated, our one medium of sex education shows us a) nodding flowers b) a roaring fire or c) butterflies. So it's really not that surprising that most people who grew up in the Era of the Nodding Flowers thinks sex is a like a nature documentary. ("Mummy, mummy, where's my pistil?")
On the other hand, even school didn't do a very good job with their sex ed. In class 7, they taught us about zygotes and x and y chromosomes (I aced that test by the way) but nothing about from whence they originated. I mean, I had all these books about how the man plants the seed and all, so for the longest time, I thought the guy had this actual seed (that looked a little like the cotton seed) which he put inside the chick's bellybutton.
I'm sorry, this was supposed to be a list for boys wasn't it? Oh dear. But I realised I didn't have very much to say. I mean, how to make a list for boys? You may think women are these mysterious creatures etc, but I swear, guys are ten times more confusing. Really. We never know what they're thinking (and when I say we I totally mean me)
And huzzah for this ongoing Bloggers vs. IIPM thing. I don't have anything new to add, so I'm just going to stand admiringly at the sidelines and clap. And say, really loudly, "Fuck the corporate world, biatch!"