6 November 2008

Make that Sir AND Lady Grumpalot

Because I have been stricken (struck, even) down in the prime of my youth (oh, who am I kidding? 27 is ollllllllldddddddddddddddddddddddd!) by some nasty bug and the fever comes and goes and it's most annoying. Especially since last night I had to go say bye to BB who was leaving for New York for a month and I felt like complete and utter SHIT. Gah. Being ill sucks.



So, to make myself (and you, loyal reader) feel a little bit better, I feel it's time to revisit Craigslist and make fun of people seeking romance over the internet. Because I'm in the mood to pick on other people. And... it might get ugly. Just so you can't say I didn't warn you.



All posts are [sic].



hi am a single lady in usa loking for a rich indian boyfriend or a man that has lot of money. Easy there, no need to pull out ALL the charm in the first sentence.



My name is Phillip. Er, I'm not familiar with foreign names and customs, so MAYBE Phillip is a girls name somewhere in the world.. NOT.



I am 5,6 i weigh 125 lbs and i have curly hair.i love to be a lil sexually naughty and have fun.i dont smoke or drink.i love to dance and go to the movies and i love to go out to restaurant.i finish school.i work at the embassy in NY to help immigrants get their visa to come to America. Isn't English as a first language a requirement to work in ANY embassy?



So if u are interested Email me ok.send em you pic and i hope i find me a bf that can help me financially. Honey, I thi nk the word you're looking for is an EMPLOYER.



Hi..i am a 33 year classy guy from Mumbai...looking for dating, friendship, romance with interesting lady folks out there...write to me for a good time...looking for serious relationships only... And that's the story they'll tell at your golden wedding anniversary, "Kids, your grandma was horny and surfing Craigslist and has a weakness for ellipses."



i am experienced yoga master from india, i am available for my sex with different kind of yogastyle for woman in mumbai, safe and secure, interested female only message me.



One has heard of Tantric sex before, but yogastyle sex? Internet, I stand confuzzled.



OH MY GOD CANNOT EVEN COPY PASTE THIS NEXT ONE HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S GRANDFATHER!! MY EYES! MY MENTAL IMAGE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!



Seeking Gujarati Lesbian for marriage of convenience - w4w - 27

I'm an Indian gay male living in the US. My parents are preasuring me to get married and would like a marriage of convenience to make them happy. We'd ideally be great friends but live our own lives.



The most amusing thing about this post is the "Gujarati Lesbian". Wow, this guy has deeper parent issues than I thought!



Ok.. here it goes..am no escort needing money...or a desperate guy seeking sex... Well its mumbai and u do find a variety of human beings in here...well am d rarest...a spoilt townie to da core... Do I KNOW this guy?



well in d first place i would state dat d young ladies of yore..i hav had my fair share of experience...so kinda bored wid em... I found the oldies or atleast by age...to be ones with knowledge and worthwile to be in a relationship... Well again am not in it for money or sex... Well i would state it as makin love...rather not sound grosse..and hey if we strike a chemistry den ofcourse it would follow suit... Well so even if ur 50 its not an issue if u can keep me interested..winkwink... Well wad r u waitin for hit me ASAP...chance of a lifetime ofcourse...u really dont find 25 yr ols askin to be dated by someone ol?? (and ladies termin it as ol...doesnt mean dat i consider so...its juz dat u guys maybe by age...but in d mind..it aint so...RITE??? This might in fact be THE most insulting sentence I have ever read.



well mails widout pics wont be even considered...and yaa am choosy so i take time...winkwink.. Au revoir Ma chere amie... And that is the extent to which those foreign language classes paid off!

I don't have the energy for anymore, even though I thought I did. It's the next day and temperatures within my body are soaring. This fully sucks. AND I have two deadlines. Grah.

32 comments:

  1. get well soooon eM!

    and i thought i was desperate for a relationship! huh!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. get well soon!

    and i had allegedly seen some very similar posts on a matrimonial site....will send u the link for it soon

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was in mumbai for about 4 days and i fell sick, came back to where i live and speard the virus, trust me its not u getting old, its the freaking pollution in the city.. and 27 is NOT old.

    The young ones calling themselves old makes the older ones older..if u know what i mean....

    ReplyDelete
  4. god i am so drunk
    and i have a bad headache

    wonder how i feel in the morn. ive been drinkin a lot of water, but i dont know what else to do to make my self feel better.

    my boy fell asleep on me on the phone... sigh. life sucks..

    sorry to leave this off topic comment here....but im in complete despair
    with love always etc

    ReplyDelete
  5. i wish u a double speed recovery......

    may i prepare for a "kashaya"....

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh dear the BAD grammar, the horror, the horror, the horror!
    The sad part is that these poor, gramatically challenged bastards, actually probably end up with more dates than some of the people I know.
    Where is the justice in the world I ask! :P

    ReplyDelete
  7. first of all... Get well soon. You need extra TLC to get better from your viral bug! And thanks for the craiglist:) I had such a long week and just when I started getting drunk from Saturday afternoon... I was in splits reading the desperate peagent nominations ...
    You tc

    ReplyDelete
  8. Get well soon. If anything, the temperature doesn't plunge at night in Bombay, the way it does in Delhi, and make you feel worse :)

    And seriously, how desperate are these people who put up personal ads on craigslist? But then again anybody who reads 'em and replies must be pretty despo too!

    Plus, it might just be a spelling mistake, but I think the guy who put up the 4th ad wants you to get involved in the selection process! :D

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh my goodness, I cannot stop laughing! These are hilarious, I cant believe people actually post these!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Shows you have been sick :)

    seriously though, craigs has always lived up to the wierd stuff reputation.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi...came here through your "troll" post last year..you write really well and I pity the poor folks who have to face your sarcasm..

    ReplyDelete
  12. ugh, but u know what, Bad english is in. No kidding. People at college ask coolly," Hows you?" "Where you goin'?". The question i cant stand Hows you?(How is you? ew). People lurve eating articles.

    ReplyDelete
  13. it was just boring. Bitterness was not even near by miles :(

    ReplyDelete
  14. I hope u are feeling far better by now.. you did find a way to change ur mood from fever!! and boy reading this particular comment below, i was laughing out loud.. :)

    Hi..i am a 33 year classy guy from Mumbai...looking for dating, friendship, romance with interesting lady folks out there...write to me for a good time...looking for serious relationships only... And that's the story they'll tell at your golden wedding anniversary, "Kids, your grandma was horny and surfing Craigslist and has a weakness for ellipses."

    Tc

    ReplyDelete
  15. may be thats what makes one do it.. to get back together after breaking up.. the feeling that one is becoming olllllddddddddd..

    honestly eM, if u are 21, do u think u would have got back together again.. i just dont think so..

    do not settle for less eM.. more importantly do not try to fool yourself that u are in love and thats the reason for getting back together..

    on second thoughts.. above stands valid only if u are not in love.. k..

    P.S
    Broke up twice and got back together? i told u about Puddy and Elaine in 'Sienfeld' remember..

    ReplyDelete
  16. Did you know that 90% of the posts on CL are by escort services. especially the relatively decent ones.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I read similar post in ur blog, some monthes ago....

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dude, you used to write so well!

    I started reading your blog earlier this year. It was lovely to read about how life changed over the last 4 years, but why did the quality of writing dwindled.
    And seriously, quit the Mumbai Mirror column!

    ReplyDelete
  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  20. hmmm... get well soon... gng thru something similar.. in a very dull weather i might add.. rain n cold... neither can d self smoke in the rooms!! downright deplorable existence.. i tell u...

    ReplyDelete
  21. lolz.. these despo guys! i once read one where the guy was 40 and divorced and fat and he wanted a "fresh homely girl who has never been married before".. what a description i say! get well soon by the way :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. http://www.vebtoday.com

    hi friends - here this is very good site for all types of entertainment and excellentwebportal. cinema gossips, wallpapers, telugu news, baby names, hyderabad news, andhrapradesh news,Videos,Beauty Tips, Baby Names, Interview Tips,Ladies Special,Real Estate, Matrimonials,Latest News,Telugu Movies,Andhra People, Politics, Assembly, AndhraPradesh and movie news reviews...

    ReplyDelete
  23. Reading the CL ads has become a sport of mine, I must confess it has broguht me hours HOURS of laughter. Try the "best of" the nest time you need a good laugh. Some very very good stuff on there. In the Sattes, CL has become somewhat of an outlet for literati. You'll see poetry, great prose, and some other wicked stuff.

    Feel better. Don't go "friendshipping" anyone on CL.

    ReplyDelete
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