Hi! How are you? Fancy watching the football at mine with a bunch of Brits? Promise a sociologically interesting evening---and to keep the hooliganism in check.
Sounds fun! Not a big football fan but all about the sociology.
Hmmm. I wonder who’s playing. Let me call Football Savvy Friend.
Oh, Germany and England. What fun.
Right. Assuming everyone in the room is supporting England, am going to make a completely arbitrary decision and pick Germany.
Methods I Use To Determine Which Team I Support:
1) Which team has better looking players.
2) Which team has a national product I really love (eg: picked Mexico because of the TEQUILA!)
3) Which team looks sadder about losing.
4) Which team has better looking players. (I’m an equal opportunist like that.)
Rudyard’s house is full of people all sitting and staring at the television. I assumed it was going to be a football party, you know, with football on in the background and people talking and mingling but not really paying attention.
Football Savvy friend and I are ushered to our seats. He is given a Place Of Honour in the thick of things, I am exiled to a chair by the side. All the better for me to send messages from and update my Foursquare.
Football Savvy Friend is also supporting Germany, but not letting on, seeing as he is surrounded by English people who are taking this match rather, um, personally.
They changed colours again! What’s with you, World Cup? Out of all the BILLIONS of colours out there, you can’t stick to one for one country?
I’m so confused. I think the red guys are Germany, but the room is very excited whenever they get the ball. I try to lean over and ask, but no one is paying attention to me.
Go Red Guys! Wait, there’s a GREEN guy! And a YELLOW guy? And one in BLUE! I will never figure this game out.
Jesus, I don’t think I can take it. I don’t even know which colour is whose. Although I think Germany just scored judging by the reactions here.
Hmmm. Maybe will go smoke cigarette in the balcony to make time pass faster.
Someone very kindly (albeit impatiently) explained that Germany is the white team. Go white team!
Half time! I can has mingling? Oh no, everyone looks too sad.
Lalalala.. will make Bloody Marys instead. (Secret Cocktail Tip: Use tomato puree watered down with water, much less sweet, and less expensive than tomato juice.)
Oooh, this is a good Mary.
I got vodka, it got a lot more interesting. Footballers have nice bottoms.
EUREKA! ALCOHOL + SPORTS = FUN! Why does no one else know this? I must tell THE WORLD.
Oh. Everyone already knows. Oh well.
Aww. Look at how happy German dude is because he scored.
Look at me, totally supporting the winning team. HAH! IN YOUR FACE! I AM THE FOOTBALL TEAM CHOOSING CHAMPION!
Err. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that last bit out loud.
Yay! My team won! My team never wins.
OH. MY. GOD. They are taking off their shirts!
Mmmm. Footballers. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
DON’T TURN OFF THE TV! Shirts! Off!
Okay, I’m going to go get drunk now.