15 August 2012

Texts from TC

(My cat isn't half so charming as Dog, but he is equally annoying.)


He isn't half as posh as he looks



girl
girl
girlllllllllllllllll
girl

WHAT?

whatcha doin?

working.
whats working
is it when you sit and stare at your screen for hours
do you look at other cats
i know you do
girlllllllll

don't be stupid.

i saw the cats
you cant lie to me girl
the cats were on your screen

oh THOSE cats.

yeah those cats
are they sexier than me
would you prefer if i was black
or a grey tabby
girl

i like you ginger, okay?

so it isn't true that you only got me because my sister, a grey tabby, was killed by a dog?
i heard you talking
i know it's true
you can't deny it

i might have wanted a girl cat, but then i got you, and i have no regrets
except for when you poop on the floor

that's not poop girl

it's not? if it looks like poop, and smells like poop..

hellz, no
that shit ain't shit
that shit is a way of me expressing that i'm the man in this relationship
i'm the boss cat
you have to clean it, coz you're the girlllll

that's not very feminist of you

it wasn't very masculist of you to cut my balls off
i know you left me with the sacks though
thank you
thank you for my sacks

i really am working though, so i'd rather not discuss your *sacks*

i've been napping all day
i like napping
you should try it
now i'm hungry
hungry
HUNGRY

there is food in your bowl, you stupid idiot

no one told me there was food
where's the food
where's the food

it's.. OH MY GOD.. IT'S RIGHT THERE, SEE FOLLOW MY FINGER? SEE? RIGHT THERE

you don't have to shout
oh there's my food
hi food
i'm gonna eat you now

you're welcome

you need to stop texting me so much, girl
that's not cool
it's kinda needy
i'm gonna eat
laters girl

4 comments:

  1. There there, what a charming pooty!! I also want.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Inspired by melis's posts on the hairpin?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yup, Havoc & Marmalade - my kits (by kits, I mean feline overlords) do this too. It's just their way of keeping their slaves (by that I mean, us) on their toes. They reward me with pieces of wood veneer scraped from my door and dead beetles in my bed. How do you get paid?

    ReplyDelete

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