So yesterday, I learn from Jezebel was Blue Monday. Which would explain many things, especially the general aura of gloom and doom that lay bubbling over my head. Blue Monday was in great danger of turning into Blue Tuesday too, I've had Creep by Radiohead on repeat. (I wish I was SPESHUL, so fucking SPESHUL!) But then I thought why not send some cheer into the internet, because writing happy things gives me the illusion of being happy and because, hey, perhaps you're having a Blue Week too and deserve cheering up.
(Edited to add: See? See how much of a Blue Week it was? My poor Heath Ledger. My celebrity freebie person. Sniffle. And also the star of one of my all time favourite chick flicks, 10 Things I Hate About You. Wasn't he just delectable in that? The world is one piece of eye candy less and the Blue Week continues. I will miss him on screen.)
Also off Jezebel, I learn that Esquire is having a little survey where they want to know 10,000 things they DIDN'T know about women. 10,000? Easy peasy, I say. I mean, well, I'm sure I can get it up to thirty at least. (This is another one of those interactive type posts, by the way. I think I'm just getting lazy in my old age. Indulge me, please?)
So, here goes. eM's quick guide to thirty things you didn't know about women.
(Other eM's quick guides here.)
(Ooh, I almost forgot the disclaimer. Before anyone gets all boring and moany in the comments, please bear in mind a) yes, we are aware that we're generalising and b) most of these should be taken with a pinch of salt and not as the gospel truth)
1) We spray our cleavages with perfume. And, if we like you and we're on our third date and wearing a skirt, chances are we've sprayed the back of our knees too.
2) That thing you like? Not spontaneous. In fact, it took loads of practice and probably a conflab with our girlfriends using *ahem* pints of beer.
3) Most of us want babies. Even the ones who say they don't--they just don't KNOW they want babies. Some actually don't though. You figure it out.
4) WE'RE not taking so long in the loo. OTHER women are.
5) Nothing is sexier than a guy who can fix stuff.
6) Inside every woman, despite her balls of steel is someone who wants a little bit for you to think of her as a girl. This means a) not thumping her on the back and b) opening the door for her every once in a while.
7) If you've been with one of our girlfriends, we know what you're like in bed. Sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) we even know your penis size. Sorry!
8) We all have a thing we do when we're flirting. Pay attention and you'll know what it is. (Note: for me it's an eyelash dropping, big smile thing, especially when I'm drinking)
9) You're not cute when you're drunk.
10) You're cute when WE'RE drunk though.
11) Looks really really aren't that important. You've heard this a million times, be prepared for a million and one: all women really want is a guy that can make her laugh.
12) Not when you're fighting though. Hiding behind humour is the best way to head towards messy breakup.
13) We know the power of our breasts and we're not afraid to use them.
14) It's really hard balancing being tough career women and soft and gentle girlfriends/wives. Give us a break every now and then.
15) Once upon a time we've all liked Backstreet Boys/NSync/Boyzone etc. They're pretty.
16) Mmmmmmmmmm.... Musicians.
17) We're using granny panties and unwaxed legs as excuses so you won't think of us as sluts when we sleep with you on the first or second date.
18) Most of us can't cook. But it's fully bonus points if you can.
19) We can do many, many things, however. We just don't like to show off about them.
20) Like bargain. We are genetically engineered to be able to knock off the price by five to ten per cent at least.
21) We hate that we get 'slut' and you get 'player'.
22) We also hate that you're stronger than us on an average.
23) On the other hand, sometimes it's kinda sexy.
24) We are not opposed to kissing other women. Also we know it's a turn on and it's fun to manipulate you like that.
25) We know when you've been bad. It's true.
26) You're a lot like our dads. Creepy, but fact.
27) We're not going to tell you this though. And if you tell us we're like your mothers, we WILL run.
28) We're pretty much always judging you, if you're a romantic prospect.
29) We would really really like to know what happens in the minds of men.
30) And heh, inspired by an MSN conversation with scout, the clitoris is not a toy.
Go on for the afterparty in the comments. Boys, you can play too, with things we don't know about you.