6 August 2015

There are a few things I want to say to young people having sex

Which is not don't have it, because duh. Sex, when done well, is everything they say it is.

Which is how you know it isn't done well: pro tip, btdubs.

Which is there is a point in your life when you feel like all everyone talks about, all everyone is doing, all everyone EVER seems to give one good goddamn about is sex.

Which is true.

But then, you need to have all that sex so you can move past it and be in your thirties and occasionally talk about other things.

Because the people who only talk about sex and getting laid and how many and for how long are probably the people who didn't get it out of their systems when they were in that phase where everyone else was.

Which is--OMG SO IMPORTANT--ladies, pee before and after, if you can. Otherwise you will know the wrath of the angry vagina.

(Which is seriously the most painful thing ever, unless, I assume you have given birth, which you probably have not if you need this advice, but at LEAST at the end of labour you get to go home with a baby and with a UTI all you want to do is sit on the pot and try to pee even though there's nothing left in you to pee out.)

Which is you might think it's easier to have unprotected sex, just because you're DRUNK and HORNY and the person you want to bang is right THERE, and even though you don't have a condom you might go for it anyway, but DON'T.

Which is, waiting for test results is a pretty nerve wracking experience.

Which is, there's a point when all your partners start asking you if you've been tested and you have to tell them something.

Which is, you should start asking your partners the same thing.

Which is try everything once, because that's the way you'll figure out what you want.

And--eh, if you're feeling squeamish about something, you can skip it, but don't skip it on your partner's account because you think they'll think it's weird.

(They might think it's weird.)

(But that's okay.)


Which is blue balls are not a real thing.

So say "stop" whenever you like, ladies.

Gentlemen, please stop.

Which is talk about this shit with your friends.

Which is porn is not real sex.

Which is touch yourself often.

Which is it doesn't matter who you're attracted to.

Which is be all of you and the sex will be five hundred times as good.

Which is a promise.


2 comments:

  1. I am loving your daily posts! Please keep at it, if possible :)

    -Nutty

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beautifully said! And each word making more sense than ever!

    ReplyDelete

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