3 October 2004

A Personal Statement

Let me say just one thing now, and then forever hold my peace. I'm NOT looking for another relationship right now. Hell, I'm open to dating 20 men at the same time (except that it might get a little tiring). I guess I like being in control, of knowing what's going to happen next, that's the writer in me. I don't enjoy being taken aback. Really, I don't. I also don't enjoy going with the flow.
But, let it also be said, that I expect nothing beyond, perhaps, a little walking around in my shoes. A little realisation of where I am, the baggage that has created behind me, the scariness of being newly single and not knowing what to do. I can't play games.
Maybe two months down the line I will be able to compromise my essential honesty, that I've been so used to, even taken for granted that whoever I was doing whatever with, would appreciate the honesty and repay it in kind.
Till then... what? I mean, am I supposed to lead a nun-like existance, not seeing anyone, not dating anyone, because heaven forbid, they "get the wrong idea"? I hate this whole get-the-wrong-idea concept anyway. You can only get the wrong idea about someone else if you want to. The other person definitely isn't shoving their misconceptions down your throat.
Aargh, this is a ranting post. But it needs to be said. It needs to get off my chest. There are times when I wish I was the author of my life, reaching with a huge eraser to wipe out things I didn't like or didn't need, re-writing stuff that I wanted changed.
A little lesson, dah-links, when writing your own life, always use a pencil.

4 comments:

  1. i dont think you shouldnt do 'your own thing' and keep worrying about people 'getting the wrong idea' as long as you are honest to yourself and them.

    dont worry, eM, and live life on your own terms. *not just meant as a metaphor*

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  2. I, too, detest the playing games thing. I refuse. So, I am not and will gladly remain unpopular with the average Joe's in the dating pool. I don't mind that. But if I really like someone, that he can't step out of talking the date talk-behaving the date behavior...cuz I know that there must be more there, and I will claw at seeing it sometimes...makes me incredibly sad. And then mad. Because I am different from the norm. And when someone doesn't recognize that and still tries to "act" the way they would with that kind of girl with me...the disconnect is pretty irreparable. Does that make sense?

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  3. Hima: Yes, I know I should go on "being myself" but sometimes being myself means not being able to compromise on a lot of things, ergo, not being able to date your average male.

    Fuego: What you say does make sense, and it makes me very upset as well when someone I respect and like is reduced to playing 'dating games'.

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