Twenty three isn't that old in the larger scheme of things, I'm sure some of you, who have passed that mark will look upon me as a mere fledgling.
But still, it's the oldest I've ever been, in that, this year I actually feel my age. All these years, I've felt younger than I actually am. But now I'm 23, I feel 23, even if I may not look it. Kinda sad actually, because I would love to revert to 19 or something. At an age where I can still look around and say, "Where are all the grown-ups?" That's not happening anymore, coz, ohmygod, I am a grown-up. *scary*
I had if not a brilliant birthday, a pretty good one, all things considered. Friday night, I had a party where I invited everyone I know, including Bastard Ex and Slut "friend" who proceeded to kiss all over the dance floor. Ew.
I looked quite nice, even if I do say so myself, in a tight white top, tight blue jeans and my friend bought me a peaked hat, the kind I've been eyeing forever. I felt like Christina Aguilera or something! :)
I've actually gotten a good haul of prezzies this year. My parents bought me He's Just Not That Into You which I'm quickly inhaling and memorising. They also bought me Sims 2, which I'm dying to play, but unfortunately my monitor needs an upgrade before I can. And a beautiful Mango shirt in a soft brown, made out of corduroy, which I abosolutely love. And this beautiful pen.
Dee, who I realise, knows me better than anyone, bought me three things for my car---a new hands free for my phone, a purple cd wallet and the best part--a packet of Benson and Hedges Lights! :)
Iggy's birthday was the same day as mine and we gave each other "sex gifts". I gave her a copy of The Kamasutra For Women and she gave me a barely-there-but-just-about-covers-your-cleavage black halter. I can't wait for it to get warm so I can wear it!
This is turning into a list of gifts, which is not what I intended, April after all, depends on me for her night life, so back to the party.
New Boy was gratifyingly appreciative of my oufit, murmuring, "You look really hot" into my ear and casually letting his hand drift to my ass as we stood around talking to people. He doesn't usually give me any compliments, so I treasured it as genuine. There was a funny moment when K walked in on us making out, and the expression on his face was beyond priceless.
But New Boy and I had another of our fights, when he noticed me notice K and Slut-Friend disappear and he said I obviously wasn't over K yet. I objected, I protested and finally, just to end the fight, I asked him to be my boyfriend. (Yes, yes, I know, but I had had the better part of a bottle of vanilla vodka and in the moment, I meant it). He blanched a little at this and said, "Well, we barely know each other and I'll need some time to think about it." He hasn't mentioned it since, and neither have I.
But, oh reader, he's so sweet to me, and nice and he makes such an effort. Yesterday, he was working on a presentation which he hadn't quite finished and he didn't think he was going to make it to my house. I was, obviously upset, it being my birthday and all. But then he called and said "I miss you."
"Really?" I asked unable to believe it.
"Are you surprised?"
"Well, don't be."
And so it wound up that he did come over, despite the fact that his work wasn't finished, despite the fact that this meant he's have to wake up at 4.30 and go back to work, despite the fcat that he'd have to hang out at an intimate family and close friends gathering, which, I, in his place, would be a little antsy about doing.
But then, later at night, we had a conversation and I asked him to define us.
"I think it's a fling with slight added emotions."
Okay. Okaaaaaaaaay. A FLING??? After all this, after all the strange fights, after all the "I miss you's" and meeting the parents etc etc.
I said, trying to be casual, "Um.. okay but don't you think we've invested too much into this for it to be a fling?"
"Okay, so what do you think it is?"
I stumbled a little and then said, "I think its like we're dating without the 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' labels."
Long silence, then: "I guess we'll have to find a middle ground."
Reader, please explian to me what is going on. On the one hand he acts as though he likes me and on the other hand he says it's a goddamn fling. I hate boys for removing my woman of the world demeanour.