It is a truth universally acknowledged that smoking at work isn't just a "break type" thing you do, it's where you make your strongest bonds, it's where relationships can be broken, it's where gossip happens and it's where your boss suddenly becomes your equal when he asks you for a light.
And since it is anto tobacco day and all and I must do my bit to commemorate it (no, I'm not giving up smoking), I think an entire post on the art form should do the trick. (And yes, it is an art form. I'll tell you why also, if you hang around for a bit)
Why smoking is cool
1) It's fat free
2) You can flirt with other smokers. Example: "Um, hi, do you have a light?" Click. Fwush. "Oh thanks. Hey, that's such a cool lighter! Zippo?"
3) There is an entire book that can be written about the way people exhale. Do you do it in short puffs? Do you let the smoke langurously escape your mouth in one steady stream? Do you do a Puff the Magic Dragon thing and exhale through your nose? Do you blow smoke rings? (If you do, please teach me, I really, really want to learn) Do you do the 'french curtain'? (Exhale through nose, inhale through mouth till it looks like a white smoke sheet between the two) And of course, there's the sexy sexy way Ethan Hawke did it in Reality Bites where he dangled a cigarette out of one corner of his mouth, inhaling and exhaling without taking it out. Mmm. Ethan Hawke. Mmmm.
4) Then of course you can tell a lot about the person by the brand they smoke. In college, my friends and I were often called elitist by the Goldflake smoking crowd. We smoked Benson and Hedges Lights, one some days the sweet Godang Garam, clove cigarettes, which after you finished smoking them, left your lips tasting pepperminty when you licked them. I smoked Mores for a while, long thin brown mentholated cigarettes and felt like Simone De Bouviear or someone when I waved them around. Now of course, it's my faithful Silk Cuts--cheap, filtered, mild and small.
5) I have spoken about the post-coital cigarette before, but let me remind you again. Brilliant.
6) They make things taste so much better! Like coffee, or alcohol. Or even when you've just eaten a heavy meal. NOTHING is better than a cigarette after you've eaten.
And you non-smoking types can rant and rave and fume all you like, but all I have to say to you is: simmer down. Relax. Smoke a cigarette :)