3 August 2005

The Seduction Of Men

Have been re-reading Old Possum's Book Of Practical Cats by T.S Eliot and so I decided to attempt a parody, based on recent and not-so-recent experience. :)

By the way, the original poem is The Naming Of Cats, over here, set to music by the marvellous Andrew Lloyd Weber which you should totally download.

Anyway. Ahem.


The seduction of men is a difficult matter,
It isn't just one of your holiday games,
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter,
When I tell you to focus solely on your aim(s).



First of all, there's the make-up, applied slowly, applied well,
Such as Yves St. Laurent, or Revlon, or Maybelline,
Such as Lakme or Gerda Spillman or Chanel,
All of them guaranteed to make your face look clean.



You can use some perfume to make yourself smell divine,
Such as Tommy Girl, or Cool Water or Escada or Isis,
Such as Pleasures or J'Adore or Bvlgari or Calvin Klein,
And all of them available for fixed prices.



But (and this is tricky) a man needs attention,
More than your perfume or your make-up brands,
So be assertive, ex-boyfriends do not mention,
And he'll soon be eating out of your hands.



I may have stretched the truth and the rhyme,
But really, I have nothing further to say,
These days I have very little, sometime no, time,
And blogging simply can't be done every day.



Parodies are not something I do well,
I'm the first to admit it, but don't too heartily agree,
I wish the race of men whom I encounter would burn in hell,
Or at least, think twice, think three times, before they fuck with me.



[Oof. That was harder than I thought it would be. Really. I'll stick with prose, now, thank you very much. Prose is totally the way to go. Oh, and please don't take my advice in this poem, I was experimenting with poetic license. I never wear make-up, except for a little kajal. Be yourself (actually, that's crap because if everyone GOT everyone else just by being themselves, there would be no single women in this world. I hate this whole "be yourself" bullshit.) Let me rephrase: be smart, be sexy and be comfortable. Okay? It should work. Either way, let me know how it goes :)]

24 comments:

  1. *Clap clap*
    Good show ! You are better than you think at this. Me, I couldnt do a parody to save my life.

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  2. Once I tried my hands at limericks. It's fun. Why don't you try some?

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  3. looked up the original. intriguing! most poetry is so miserable that these ones were a refreshing change (dont get me wrong i love ones in which people wallow but still...). good job!

    ab check this out...bit geeky but really cool sample from APS website (http://www.aps.org/apsnews/0397/11855.cfm):
    The first law of Newton I sing
    My voice has a relevant ring:
    "An object left free
    Of hassles will be
    Engrossed in just doing its thing."

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  4. Excellent blog! I give it an A+ with a Gold Star!! I'll be creating a blog on corvettes soon, in the meantime if you want to review my website on corvette stingrays, i'd really appreciate it!

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  5. Good one! And I have to agree... ALL that makeup can do you no good...especially when worn altogether! Kajal is def. the way to go!

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  6. Aha, but what if you look like a hideous old troll without make-up?

    A touch of touche-eclat and lashings of mascara is esesential for the blotchy-faced piggy-eyed pale-faced Irish women out there...

    Men really don't like TONNES of make-up though

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  7. hey compulsive...

    u not in your form these days. where are all those interesting blogs...it's been boring for a while now.

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  8. Hmmmm.. trying to wriggle out of not blogging with poetry huh !??!

    Damn, if only I could do that too ;)

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  9. "be smart, be sexy and be comfortable".
    i agree whole heartedly, but where are the men who'd appreciate this, eM?
    *grumble*

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  10. vibhu: Thanks! I'm sure you could though, just give it a shot :)

    ab: Limericks I have NOT tried. Christmas carols for singles though.. hmmm :)

    adagio: Ooh, nice limerick. I usually like wallow-y poetry too, but this time I chose not to.

    christopher: Thanks! I will definitely check out your blog, only I don't know much about corvettes! I hope that's okay.

    mitzie: Thanks! I don't do this very often, so I'm glad it turned out okay.

    lavi: Well, kajal and a leeetle rouge :)

    spinster; Oh, trust me, if I wore mascara every day, by the end of the day I'd look like a racoon. Seriously.

    rahul: Appreciated!

    itsucks: Well, gee, I'm SORRY if my life just HAPPENS to be uneventful these days. I've let the universe know about your request for interesting blogs, and someone up there is working on it.

    vignesh: If I was trying to wriggle out of blogging, I wouldn't post at all! :)

    ashanka: There will be men! Keep the faith and all that (I hope!)

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  11. Hehe, Kaajal and Pleasures will do very nicely I am thinking.

    Men burning in Hell conjures up some good imagery! :D

    I think you ought to try some more of verse/ parody/limerick. Is fun!

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  12. a clever young lady called eM
    once thought to herself 'ahem..
    writing is swell, and blogging is as well
    but verse? let me try - what the hell!

    okay, i should stick to normal comments, but could not resist. that was a fun post - i *love* old possum's book of practical cats - i used to be able to recite much of it, but i fesr i've forgotten. macavity used to my favourite, a befits someone who loves detective stories. but makeup has never quite been my thing when in the mood to seduce men ;) ok, later. take care.

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  13. *Applause*
    Pretty good parody. You should do this more often :)

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  14. This is a lot better than my attempts at poetry. Now that probably does not mean much, but still...

    Now hurry up and write another one on how we are to woo women!

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  15. nice poem. unfortunately it goes wrong right at the first line.

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  16. Awwww.. you guys are so kind! *gets all misty eyed*

    primal: They sound like superpowers don't they... Pleasures and Kajal? :) Mild Mannered eM by day, Make-up Lady by night! Fighting for justice against the fuckwittage! :)

    someol'guy: I confess, I only know most of the verse thanks to the Broadway show. Wasn't Macavity "Macavity's a mystery cat, he's called the hidden paw, coz he's the master criminal, defier of the law" :) And I'd love to know what YOU use to seduce boys ;)

    kumari: Oooh, thank you! I thought I sucked! :)

    senthil: Oh, that's a fantastic idea! I should totally do one on the seduction of women, no? :)

    anand: Hello. And ahem right back atcha.

    hwsnbf: No actually it's not wrong. Open both windows side by side and have a look.

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  17. hey...u've taken it too seriously. apologise if u found it offensive.
    may be we can meet...u may get stuff for an interesting blog...(jus' jokin. hope this doesn't offernd u).

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  18. Dear person whose comment I have just deleted: I don't care if you like my blog. I don't care if you hate my blog. Just please leave me alone. I don't want you here. I don't want your comments here. I don't care if this is an attention getting thing to get more hits on your site.. whatever, dude. Just leave me alone, okay?

    And itsucks: No, no offence taken. Just a jangly mood and responding to that I guess. It would be great to meet you and yes, "something exciting" to blog about! :) Email, baby, email.

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  19. Good parody indeed but as you mentioned "seduction" is no parody. Many things have to be learnt and as "Seduction" is a mind game, it becomes all the more difficult to understand and act accordingly. Learn these! Visit link: http://www.easyway2heart.blogspot.com

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  20. and here comes the canned claps( for the very simple reason, I don have many hands)....hey i hav becom ur compulsive fan after being enchanted by ur blog....even i hav a blog...but obvious...it is nowhere near to urs...lol....good luck...keep singing and writing 2

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