I got a new phone on Sunday. It’s been a while since I treated myself, so I went all out instead of opting for that Nokia which everyone has, the kind that has a basic camera and all that, but still makes my old phone look like a piece of shit. I decided to push my budget to ten and buy myself something REALLY fancy. Only, fancy phones come with fancy prices and everything was like eleven at least, or fifteen at most. I was being reasonable as well, though I was lusting after the N-series, that was much too much out of my budget.
But then Small, who got a MotoRazr v3i on her birthday, decided she wanted to switch back to Nokia. This phone was complicated, not as easy to use, and she just wasn’t that into it. So, she sold it to me, for ten thousand, and it is beautiful. It still smells new also. And the plastic screen sticker is still on it. I devoured the user manual, from cover to cover and I’ve figured it all out. It’s not as user friendly as the Nokia, no, but it’s so worth it, once you’ve mastered it. I love the shape, the feel of the sleek metal under my fingertips, the ringtones, the way someone’s picture flashes when they call, the way the iridium flat keys light up, the way I can close the flip and take my picture, the way I look and behave around it, like it’s natural for the girl-who-nobody-noticed to be going out with the most popular boy at school.
But, I had a problem. My phone has this wonderful way of dividing people into categories, so that you can assign a ringtone to a particular label, or just send messages to people at work and so on. It was, as you can imagine, an arduous task. Motorola gave me only a few labels to work with—personal, business, VIP, family, best friends and general. No options. No way to figure out whether friends at work would count as business or personal. And who would I call my best friends anyway?
K, now, his number is stored, but there’s no category for ex-boyfriends. No special ringtone telling me that this was a good time to put a smile on my face, no matter what I was doing, and to sound super busy and important. There’s no category for boys you hooked up with in a drunken moment but wished you hadn’t. People you had a tiny crush on. People who were attracted to you. People you were attracted to. People your friends had dated so were no-nos, but there was still some sort of spark that left you feeling very guilty after you spoke to them.
And friends. How do I divide my friends into “best friends” and “personal”? What about my drinking buddies, who I see only once a month or something and we get very smashed? How about old friends who you sorta lost touch with in the middle but are in the midst of rediscovering? How about people who used to be your best friends several years ago? Friends you lived with? Friends you had a big fight with? Friends you went on a trip to Goa with, many years ago? Friends who knew you since you had braces and braids, should they rank higher than the ones who thought you emerged out of your womb looking the way you do now? Even if the latter knows you better? People you meet on the internet, or through blog meets. People you’ve never met. Ever. But they still know who you are, thanks to your voice. People who used to date friends, but once they broke up, you’re not sure whether you’re still obliged to talk to them. People who used to date friends, but who became better friends of yours.
Work is even worse. People in my direct team should get a special listing right? And what about my friends from work, good friends who know stuff about my life, and vice versa and whom I meet out of work as well? PR people who I want to avoid versus PR people I really like, who give me good stories. The boss’s boss’s boss?
You might want to think about that, Moto guys.