27 September 2006

WARNING: This post could be contagious, seeing as I have coughed all over the keyboard

(Polls are OPEN over at these wonderful, discerning people, with lovely taste, and you should all go and click on the little thingies that says The Compulsive Confessor, and put me first. Okay? No pressure or anything, you understand.)


Anyway. I'm DONE with being all upbeat and la-la-la and oh look pretty fairies. I have a cold and a cough, blocked ears, which make me feel like I'm under the fucking OCEAN, and a fever that comes and goes as it pleases, and then BREAKS and then I'm all weak and sweaty and chapped lips and dehydration and my CHEST sounds like I'm FIFTY and oh, it's all very notnice. I hate everyone. I want to spin cocoon and lie there for seven hundred years and have NO human contact. I want to be Beast in Lair, emerging every now and then to growl at people who come too close. Right now, though, I'm closer to being Linda Blair in The Exorcist, what with all the green goo, and the gravelly voice of hell. Next my head will rotate on my neck of its own will, and I'll start masturbating with a giant cross. Meh. Phlegm. (And oh, do you think this is too much information? DO I LOOK LIKE I FUCKING CARE? If I suffer, the whole world must suffer too)


You know why else the world sucks? Because, on Saturday night, I DRAGGED myself out of bed, despite the ear ringing and the head spinning and put on pretty clothes and drove to dandiya event and it was all very like you know, no alcohol, and everyone very traditional and everything and good fun. I even learnt how to dandiya without poking myself in the eye. And then (and this STILL brings tears when I think about it) someone STOLE my phone! My Motorazr v3i! The love of my bitter old life! The one thing that kept me sane! The beauty! Just because I thought oh, how nice, tradition and religion and wholesome fun. I HATE WHOLESOME FUN. I declare a war on wholesome fun. No one at TC would've stolen my phone, but even if they HAD, at TC, my guard would be up and my bag would be at my side, and I would've been wearing JEANS and my phone would be in my pocket. This universe is out to get me.

And, I was just congratulating myself on getting through this entire year without being sick, and how the days of falling ill were in the past, and really, I am as healthy as a horse, and then! Like payback! I am struck down in the prime of my youth. My oldest and dearest friend in the whole world, Leela, is getting married. (Only, hmph, I had to find out through ORKUT and really, if she is reading this, she should know THIS would be a good time to call me). So I had dinner with her younger sister Maya and we sighed, and talked about the Days That Were and I'm never going to get married. No one will marry me. I will be that strange lady everyone knows, who grows old alone, with her cats, and children will point at me in the streets and LAUGH. And Leela will no longer be Leela, and we won't be all single (except she hasn't been for a while, but still. It was a POSSIBILITY) and then. She'll have kids! I'm too young to have kids! Even by proxy!

Thank you, by the way, for listening to me whine. It's been dreadful.

44 comments:

  1. When you have chest congestion, the best remedy is to get your chest rubbed with Vicks. If you are alone with no one to do it for you, just let me know. ;-)

    As far as the pinching of your phone is concerned, I am sure the gal who stole it must be banging her head as your phone book is most likely to have numbers of boring females. (We don’t have to assume always that a thief is a guy as 90% of world’s kleptomaniacs are females, and the ‘sweet mates’ about whom you write often in your posts are invariably boring females.)

    Besides, if you keep yourself ‘mobile-free’ for sometime, you will learn that losing a cellular phone is not such a bad thing after all.

    My suggestion to get a genuine smile now is turn on the TV, surf through the channels mindlessly or turn on your PC and read Beau Peep online – whether it is my blog or the comic strip. Both are incidentally free for sweethearts like you. You must thank your lucky stars for the small favours. :-)

    P.S. The comic strip makes much better reading. Now you can't tell me that I didn't tell you.

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  2. OK, so I stole your phone. I feel guilty. I"m sorry. I'd like to return it to you. Where can we meet?

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  3. I laughed and laughed at that post. Could almost HEAR you going nyah nyah nyah what will ALL the CAPS !! My sympathies though , all will be well.

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  4. I think i cot what you got :)
    And the air-conditioning in office makes it all much worse

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  5. i thot i came to barbie's blog
    refrence to the pink..
    cute blog !

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  6. Okay, okay, enough with the moaning already. I'll vote for you - happy?

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  7. Aww..*HUUUG*I'm just recovering from a cold myself,so I know how you feel.Get well soon.
    And some moron flicked my 3 month old phone in the bus about a month ago,so I know how that feels as well.
    I'm voting for you:)

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  8. u've become so boring, i dont even read ur blog anymore.

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  9. don’t worry dear be an optimist ...the worst is yet out to get to you ...for instance i could vote for dear "jabby", one of those mammary glands you took for granted (while i assume they (or should I say it) was a feast for may on either side of the divide ) could do a la kylie, hmmm....what else...TB, dengue, hiv, cancer (ouch i repeat my self) etc etc.. u get the point...
    Thank god for google....there's "anony" otherwise hell hath no fury this demented Vesuvius.... all in jest dear in jest....oh did i mention Alzheimer’s……

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  10. Best wishes from NY....feel better:)

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  11. maybe it's me who brought you down.....i'm going to try and stop ranting and embracing reality. grudgingly. :)
    feel better dahling, diwali's round the corner. i never got into the taash party scene you know, it just isn't my thing BUT The Benefactor and i are giving poker a go this weekend. abraham (from The Bubble) and he insist it's a sport. i'm game ;)

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  12. I'll marry you, just lemme get back in town...

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  13. what nonsense. i'll marry you. but please, no bachas

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  14. Well if you must be a lonely old lady, can you atleast have dogs, instead of cats? Lonely old ladies with dogs are cute but lonely old ladies with cats are just a tad creepy...

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  15. dunno who all these people are but didn't i tell u few posts ago that people wud be falling over themselves to marry u? see!! get better... festive season ahead :-)

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  16. I voted, yay!

    So here's an idea. If we're both 36 and single, let's get married, legality be damned. And move to Amsterdam. (I thought of Amsterdam when I typed 'damn', but anywhere in Scandinavia would work just as well.) I think you'll agree that it's better than the cat plan.

    And get better. Beat the evil phlegm, em!

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  17. you're so fabulous that the comments on here should be
    "will you marry me?"
    NOT
    "I'll marry you"

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  18. It's totally that time of year for colds and whatnot. I'm in the midst of one myself. It's taken my sense of taste hostage and can't be bothered to send me a demand letter. Bastard rhinovirus.

    Get better soon!

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  19. *points at rickety old em and laughs*

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  20. lovely new template :) you virus spreader!

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  21. I really like your blog. And i know others do too. And I also know that others like the template with the bright pink but eM, babe, it looks like a bottle of pepto bismol fell the blessed thing...and I mean this most respectfully...oh dear...

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  22. oh eM, with all the shock value in your blog already, don't you think this is a little redundant?

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  23. My brother-in-law is an engineer/architect who designs cell phones so my sister always gets the newest prototypes. While they were on their honeymoon her sleek phone that looked like the dashboard of the Starship Enterprise was stolen. She's still in mourning to this day.

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  24. bebe, i love the colour combination but it's too bright. it's blinding. it's so......disco! i like disco but so did bappi lahiri. kapisch? no worries if no kapisch i don't quite know what point i was making either.



    ah.....yes, DO SOMETHING! i wanna keep reading this blog but not like this!

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  25. ARGH. WHAT IS THIS WEIRD OBSESSION WITH BLINDING COLOURS! GOOD GRIEF!

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  26. I long time reader of your blog. Wanted you to know that your new template really hurts the eye.

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  27. I've been sick too :-(

    I'm getting better now though. :-)

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  28. see, that's why when i go to one of those gujju-involved/infused events, i let everyone know beforehand and leave my phone at home, taking only with me my evil pack of cigarettes, which no one touches because i'm an evil 17-year-old and they might get all my evil teen cooties.

    before you yell at me, my pet, i got hacked. which wasn't nice. my email accounts are all eghhhy so i can't particularly reply to emails, but i did manage to go through yours. i bet you totally hate me, but in a while after exams et cetera i think i might come to delhi for the fuck of it, on the serious, SERIOUS and not joking on the internet kind of way, on the SERIOUS condition i get to crash on your couch for a few nights.

    cale here, btw, although HAH ain't nobody kin tawk lak me kin they, debra mae ma dawl? kin they now.

    will get back to you zoon as pozibl. i zwear.

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  29. nice colour scheme for your template:) all the best with the new job

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  30. Here's something to cheer you up:

    http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/

    Always good to get a new number once in a while....see who you'll take with you into the new you. Then you realise who you really want to keep....and those who need to keep in touch with you will find a way if they really want to.

    More power to you.

    io

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  31. 40 comments???
    You're stealing my thunder!
    Grrr...

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  32. Get well soon...

    Hope you have a back up of your friends numbers...

    Jay Sun

    (http://moirealitybites.blogspot.com/)

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