6 October 2006

Oh, Mr Internet, you are sexily wonderful. But also? A little bit strange




* So, I wrote about my enamour for Orkut, right? A little while ago? But what I didn't realise about Orkut--or any other social networking site--is that you have to be careful or it can consume your entire life. And, oh dudes, it so has. I am so bouyant with testimonials (which incidentally, I also think are hilarious, imagine arm-twisting your friends to say nice things about you) and like, seeing how many fans I have, and it's doing wonderful things for my ego, but still at the same time reinforcing how much validation I need at all times. And online. Which makes me slightly (but only very slightly) pathetic. And then people are doing strange things like sending me party invites on Orkut! I ask you! Party invites? I still have a cell phone (a new Nokia which I have just acquired, biding my time till I can splurge on another Razr) and people still have my number, so shouldn't I be getting messages? Or phone calls? When did the internet replace my ENTIRE REAL LIFE?

* The answer to that question and many others can be found on my new favourite website, rather underplayed in India but still. Craigslist is here! We have arrived! (Well so have Hyderabad, Pune, Chennai, Calcutta and Mumbai, but you know we're still the coolest). What I like about Craigslist is despite the obvious userfriendly type things (like me advertising for new flatmate) there are sooooooooooo many obviously insane people out there. Granted not as crazy as New York or San Fransisco, but crazy enough. A brief sample, because I was surfing through the site this morning:

i like aunties - 38

hi i am neeraj from hyderabad. 38yrs.single.male. i like to meet matured broadminded married women.
this is in or around hyderabad.


Okay, not from the Delhi Craigslist, but I thought this guy was so simple and so, so straightforward in his requests, that it was almost touching. But, only, he's 38 right? So a "mature" married woman would be? 50? 60? Grandmother sex--it's not for everyone.

What the heck?? - m4w - 88

What is a platonic relationship anyway?
Can a man and a woman ever have a platonic relationship?
What would they talk about?
Tampons and razor cartridges?
Or the middle eastern situation?
Or Reservations?
The Economic boom?
Films? Books? Eating out? Drinking?
Will they do all this and not miss the other person?
Never feel the rush of wanting to hold hands?
Laugh?
Connect with old jokes?
never have shared memories (even if weeks old) of places and things?
Do you want to test it?
Since you know the dangers (most of them anyway) are you a risk taker?
this is in or around Delhi/Gurgaon


That's a lot of things to talk about, no? I think talking about all these things would definitely make us friends. Sooooooo, what exactly am I testing? But, dude, tampons and razor cartridges? Really?

i love womens - m4w - 22

hi to all womens, i love to do massage on your sexy body with littlebit hot oil.
regards
rocker

This one even had a picture. Oh, joy.

One last one, promise:

BRAZILIAN/AMERICAN LOOKING FOR INDIAN BEAUTIFUL MAN - 42
I LOVE INDIAN PEOPLE AND I HAVE DATED SOME BUT THEY ARE RACIST AND NEVER TOOK ME SERIOUSLY,I ENJOY EATING INDIAN/PAKISTAN CUISINE AND I HOPE YOU CAN ENJOY MY FOOD AS WELL. I AM VERY FUN LIKE TO GO OUT AT NIGHT WITH SOME WELL EDUCATED,INTELLIGENT GUYS SOMETIMES,LIKE TO DANCE,SING AND ENJOY OUT DOOR. LOOKING FOR SOMEONE SERIUOS,MARRIAGE AND FAMILY;I AM DIVORCE FOR MANY YEARS AND I HAVE ONE PRE-TEEN (11 y old ) IN THE HOUSE,BUT HOPING TO FIND MY HALF AND START ALL OVER AGAIN.

One preteen in the house, eh? The rest, I'm assuming are out door.

UPDATE, AND ONE I COULD NOT RESIST

small breasts? wow! - 31
looking for small breasted women, any age... you turn me on, and i know what you do with you.... no strings attached.
this is in or around delhi


This one leaves me speechless. But in a happy kind of way. How small is small, do you think, and do you think I qualify for him knowing what I do with me?

* But Craigslist Casual Encounters may not be the very best way to find out about people. And then there was the meme. (Which I still don't know how to pronounce. Meem? Meh-Meh?) The lovely, and recently, rather absent Mint Chutney has tagged me, and though I don't always do these, because some are just boring, this one just pandered to my already ginormous ego. Anyway, so I'm supposed to like talk about eight things you haven't already gleaned about me from this blog, and blah-di-blah and this must be really boring for you, I know, so go take a walk or something. Smoke a cigarette. C'mon, you KNOW you have a nicotine craving. By the time you get back, I'll talk about something else.

Right. Now that most people except for my beloved alcoholic reader (I know statistically I should have at least ONE of those) have left, you just set that glass on a coaster and don't spill it on the keyboard. K?

secret thing one) I love surfing some very topic specific websites. At any given time, three of the windows on my taskbar will be open to a) a product blog; b) a celebrity gossip blog and c) *sigh* a mommy blog. I get the products and the celebs, really, because I LOVE looking at the strange things Americans spend their money on, but the mommy blog? That fascination is beyond my comprehension.

secret thing two) I really, really, really like the song Hips Don't Lie. Despite the "come se llamas, bonita, mi casa, su casa" bit.

secret thing three) While we're on shameful music confessions, I went to Pitampura to see Shaggy live in concert. Dee and I got really close to the stage and yelled, "Take your top off, Shaggy!" AND. He smiled and winked at us. AND. This made us happy.

secret thing four) When I was very, very, very, very young, I used to want to be called Jennifer. And have very long, very gold hair.

secret thing five) When I'm drunk, I get uber-friendly. And, if you're a boy, and we're drunk together, chances are I will drape myself gently around you. This has led to many embarrassing morning-after moments when I'm lying in bed with terrible headache and going, duuuuuuuuuuuuuude. WHY?

secret thing six) I have once or twice, in friendships and relationships, done the fade-out slowly technique of breaking it off, by not calling back or emailing. It wasn't very nice of me, but I'm terrible with confrontation. If someone ever did that to ME, I'd be mortally wounded.

secret thing seven) I am fairly brown, but I have four freckles on my nose. I really like them.

and finally, secret thing eight) I worry about death more than I think is normal.

Who shall I tag? Who? Oh, what the hell. You're ALL invited.

Another edit, because I have nothing else to do at 7.24 pm: And technically, this is still covered by the whole internet-theme of this post. So the exboyfriend? K? Who used to be here a lot till I decided not to write about him anymore because I HAVE MOVED ON? Who I suspect reads this blog, but have been too chicken to ask? So, my messenger client is on and I see, whee, he's online, and I see little picture thingie next to his face, and because I'm the kind of person who clicks on little picture thingies next to people's names on IMs, I move my mouse over to his avatar and graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! It is picture of him and new girlfriend! And because I'm all, you know, sadomasochistic type, it's the way I am, deal with it, I peer closely at him and new girlfriend and then call colleagues one by one to my desk to ask whether they think she is prettier than I am. Which, by the way? No one answers. Hmph. Who has pictures of them and their lovers as their avatars I ask you? It's almost like saying, "Ha ha, look at me, I'm in a relationship and you're not, eM, so you must suck."

Yeah. Because, did I not mention? This is all about me.

(And because they pay me and you don't, teeny-tiny word about New Job. Actually, teeny-tiny link. You will find a mirror of this blog, also, but other very cool things too. Go see!)

23 comments:

  1. is that picture/postcard from PostSecret (www.postsecret.blogspot.com in case you haven't been there)

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  2. Nope, it's from allposters.com, the place i usually go to source my pictures, coz i like their vintage posters. :)

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  3. Orkut is the six degrees of seperation (web version). Once again proving the point made by a recent tourist to London - "how can there be 1 billion Indians, you all know weach other!!"

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  4. jennifer?...you skipped this part in the life update miss...

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  5. oh yeah? have me eyes on one or two of their posters for when i get back to NY...though I picked up several already in London...but do check out the site, am a big fan you see and I push it on everyone!

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  6. i sooo relate to the drifting away from people part. i mean what do u expect me to do? go right up to their noses and tell them i don't want to keep in touch for no apparent reason and that i feel iam a total weirdo for saying all these things? actually, orkut has sort of saved me the guilt which i would have otherwise continued to feel for having drifted away. i keep in touch with long lost souls through orkut!! nice nah? win-win situation!

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  7. So much in one post, no?

    Craigslist: SO great if you're looking for normal things (found my son's tutor there) creepy if you're not. ("Hi to all womens"?? *cringe*)

    You asked Shaggy to take off his top? I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that large quantities of alcohol were involved.

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  8. Point 4 about Jennifer and long blond hair is just frightening because I had the exact same wish and Jennifer is like such an eyoo name now and I really like my own name but when I was 7, my god... And I used to wrap my hair in a yellow towel and have my parents take pictures of my "blond" hair to send to my family overseas!!!

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  9. Thanks for the ibibo link. Can read this blog there without the irritating colour scheme :-)

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  10. Thank you so much for changing the template..

    Sakthi

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  11. Lovely post !

    And yes, orkut can be addictive, but still a great way to find old classmates etc...

    btw, i liked the earlier template...this one needs more colur :)

    Jay Sun

    (http://moirealitybites.blogspot.com/)

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  12. me liked the purple orange template better. It helped me finish off the popsicles that hade been taking up so much space in the freezer. I wants old template back!

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  13. thanks for changing the color to black..though i didnt hate the previous one..but reading a blog in office having purplr and orange color does draw stares..so now i can enjoy ur blog peacefully ..

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  14. LOL oh the joys of online dating websites... thought this Orkut sounds more like like a hookup site.

    I still have my page on one of these websites, but that's just to see who finds me attractive, and enjoy a little extra-marital adoration.

    Which NM is fine with, of course, since he couldn't possibly give me all the attention I need to stay alive.

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  15. hobo here, doubt beta blogger's gonna let me post as me. but it's worth a shot.
    firstly, you missed out london.i am beginning to realise that london might be the batcave of battiness for the whole world. over manhattan.....

    secondly, hips do lie.

    thirdly, haven't used orkut but facebook is a major feature of my life. it is my life.

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  16. hobo again....heck i'm a hobo! i aint got much to do. so....craiglist is AWESOME. it's so f-ing hilarious. i didn't notice one for mumbai.

    and oooo i start work on the g-spot table tomorrow

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  17. nice blog

    orkut is addictive,also has put re-unions out of business

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  18. Thanks for responding to feedback about that ... template.
    Must check Craigslist for Bombay.

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  19. hey those secret things are damn cute...cheers, hahah!

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  20. Comosiamo. That's what I call it. And hum the rest. It is a'goood.

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  21. call it a curse of online life... but messenger, orkut, emails and online forums together consume a large part of our time.
    may be we are like roman nobility... who wasted their time in these indulgences.

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