My latest book is The One Who Swam With The Fishes.

"A mesmerizing account of the well-known story of Matsyagandha ... and her transformation from fisherman’s daughter to Satyavati, Santanu’s royal consort and the Mother/Progenitor of the Kuru clan." - Hindustan Times

"Themes of fate, morality and power overlay a subtle and essential feminism to make this lyrical book a must-read. If this is Madhavan’s first book in the Girls from the Mahabharata series, there is much to look forward to in the months to come." - Open Magazine

"A gleeful dollop of Blytonian magic ... Reddy Madhavan is also able to tackle some fairly sensitive subjects such as identity, the love of and karmic ties with parents, adoption, the first sexual encounter, loneliness, and my favourite, feminist rage." - Scroll

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7 March 2007

Keeping My Options Open

A couple of nights ago--Friday, I think it was--I was happily slumbering in my bed in Delhi when my phone rang rather loudly. It was 1.43 in the morning, and I was exhausted, not to mention fast asleep, and since I had lost my phone recently I didn't know the number that was flashing on the screen. It turned out to be a friend of mine in Bombay.

"eM, duuuuuude, where you at?" he asked.
"I'm in Delhi," I told him, "Asleep."
"Ohh, okay, but hey listen, this friend of mine saw you at the Alan Parsons concert and she's been bugging me to get in touch with you."
I opened one eye blearily, about to tell him that I could not possibly talk about work at this time in the night and I would just call him back when I returned to Bombay. But he preempted me.
"Um.. are you, by any chance, bisexual?"
"I'm dreaming this conversation aren't I?"
"No, no, you're awake."
"In that case, sorry, no. I'm quite straight."

That said, I turned over and passed out again.

The next morning I checked my cellphone, and sure enough, this conversation had happened.

Right. Anyway. Last night at Toto's, I was sitting with a friend by the bar, twirling around on my stool, and this girl comes up to me and taps me on the shoulder.
"Excuse me, I'm lesbian, are you?"
I shake my head and return to my conversation.
"There, there," says my friend comfortingly, "They were playing some sort of drinking Truth or Dare, see. she's gone back to her friends now."

I know some homosexuals. Mostly men, but there are the few women thrown in. And the long standing belief is that you can normally tell when someone else is One Of You, making it that much harder for you to be rejected.

Two years ago, I'm very drunk and at a party and chatting with a very friendly woman. I don't know many people at this do, and so I'm grateful to her for being so nice. She twines herself around me.
"I'm sorry," she murmurs, "I always hit on straight women."
Not being equipped for a situation like this, since it has never happened before, I blush and stammer something.
"But you're not straight, are you?" she asks themn, lifting her eyes to my face.
I take a long swig of my drink: Actually, I am.

The point is, therefore, seeing as they Can Always Tell, do they know something I don't? "You're either bisexual or you're not," says a friend in Delhi. "Yes, but I was never a cat person till I got a cat," I say. (Insert obvious pussy joke here). Am I attracted to women? Well, no. The reason I'm attracted to men is because their bodies are different and therefore the fascination. With women, meh, I have the same equipment. On the other hand, if they can sense some sort of vibes from deep inside my subconcious--assuming ie that gaydar IS gaydar and not just wishful thinking--then maybe I should reconsider saying I'm straight.

You never know till you try, right? And god knows, I'm sick of men.

ps: I know homo/bisexuality isn't something you just "try" and so on, and I do know it's a definite orientation, something you're born with or can't deny and so on. I was just *thinking* of perhaps experimenting a little bit. Maybe they DO know something I don't.


  1. :) first one to comment, yeppieee !!!

    I don't think one can ever tell. The supposed gaydar is just an attempt to cover up some serious wishful thinking sessions.

    or as a fellow faggot, I seriously lack em gifted skills.

    p.s:- isn't sexuality the only thing u can truly experiment with !

  2. Well I once got something similar, albeit it was way more annoying. This girl asked me if I was gay. I said no. And she went "Are you sure?" and she asked me the same thing on more than one occasion. Freaking annoying, completely ignored her soon after.

    Well I guess you could try and watch lesbian porn and see if you get a reaction out of that, although most lesbian porn is still catered to guys.

  3. Don't the rest of us lead such mundane lives...i guess that's why we visit blogs that are interesting !!!

  4. why is your cat so thin? what breed is this?

    sorry to say, but he looks like he could really use some food.

  5. anticipating a blog abt a first-time experience of some-kind soon.

  6. I have a friend who needed to experiment... impertinent boyfriend of hers promptly broke up with her, despite the fact that she was still very much in love with him, only with the added bonus of being able to appreciate the female form...
    I helped her experiment, and she found out that she didn't in fact have lesbian tendencies... and the other friend of mine she experimented with ended up hooking up with her boyfriend... so she is a tad annoyed at me... the "hey I didn't introduce her to your ex boyfriend" I tried throwing at her didn't exactly work...

  7. when you, like me, work in a lesbian sex shop and fit oversized amazon women in to leather harnesses with a rather zealous appetite for equally oversized dildos, you will decide that lesbianism is NOT for you. EVER.
    they're also a rather sad looking race. you know how the hottest men are gay, the most tragic looking women are always lesbian. i know i should not perpetuate such myths especially after being part of an organization that was at the helm of the lesbian rights movement in UK. but i;ve seen it with my own eyes madam, and it shit you not.

    The Jock.

  8. sex ratio in india is already uneven (less women we have!) plzz dont push it down further(virtually i mean)..hehe..dnt let anyone brainwash u! lol

  9. duuuuuuuuuuude. go for it. seriously. sexuality, very fluid like, etc., etc. take me for example, even. fit guys, shakira-esque lebanese girls, illicit sex is illicit sex. you should probably then dress all ethnicy with huge faux ivory earrings and run a tarot reading business for a while too. exactly why, i suddenly can't remember. this is what happens when you and a friend try to hope the booze in your system will just 'go away' by staying up obscenely late.


  10. got this from "family guy" (which by the way, is not the source for all my info!) - for a girl, it actually IS a matter of choice (atleast to be bi)

    and note to renovatio: sell your script to a soap

  11. i agree with the kid.... your cat is dangerously anorexic so er my cat would kick your cat's ass anyday, only if it had one.

  12. Assless cat? I thought it was only ball-less... or was that another blogger's cat... I'm confusing all the confessions I read it seems...

  13. sexuality is a construct; everyone's actually bisexual. just prudish to different degrees in case of 'straighter' people, and radical to different degrees in case of 'gayer' people.

  14. I agree - everyone is bisexual and that also means that all that meaningful girl talk is laden over with sexual implications. We just need to recognize it as sexual rather than coating it in hypocritical asexual moral terms. Also, on lesbians as ugly, what about Ellen and Portia di Rossi?

  15. interesting... though from what ive been able to tell, guys are usually better at telling who's strsight and who's not...

    on an added note, i dont think its right/fair/politically correct to say youre inherantly homosexual and youre born that way, thats actually one of the big misconceptions... for a large number of folks, they only discover it at some point and just so you know, thats where the experimentation is usually how that happens...

  16. You know the Woody Allen quote I keep referring to.



  17. You really mean that? I'd hate to think that your blog just jumped the shark.

  18. What have we come to when we have to wrap up a posting of even a blog as in your face as this, with a disclaimer. I don't like political correctness. It's such a nuisance and a waste of time.
    - SW

  19. I've come to the conclusion that all women are bisexual whether they've articulated it yet or not. So a woman saying "I'm bisexual" is a bit of a reptition.

  20. i agree wholeheartedly with SW!


  21. @ SW these indian blogger people are basically very very politically correct. they just act out this fantasy on their blogs and their endless rounds of drinking. Their way of escaping the suffocations they have created for themselves I suppose

  22. thank you for your indepth psychoanalysis, Mr. anonymous. Perhaps, you would like to dig deep into that sub-conscious of yours and shockingly realize that your pathetic fantasy involves trying to expose others inadequacies, and you are afraid to do it in the real world, hence trolling around blogs yourself trying to satisfy the virtual version of your fantasy.

  23. hhahahaha that is so cool:)...let me know how that goes for you.

    and hedonistic hobo works at a lesbian sex shop? god damnit i thought my new job was cool!

    and my word verification for this posting is "qtgicyqys" (*holy mofo mother of god!)

  24. confusing. if anon 1 is SW, and anon 2 is me, then whose side are anon 3 and 4 on?

    anyway, rock on


  25. I don't agree with anon 3 (as wendigo puts it) on the generalisation of 'Indian bloggers'. Firstly, a logical fallacy; if they were doing this as an escapist fantasy, here would be the precise place where they would NOT be politically correct, and thus live their 'rebellious' fantasies. Secondly, generalisations themselves are usually wrong.
    Be that as it may, I feel this whole culture of political correctness has achieved such degrees of pervasiveness, that it's almost, if not already reached levels of impeding communication. And it's to a large extent imported from the US (yes, I know I'm guilty of a vauge generalisation here). I do find it ridiculous referring to some as finiancially/physically/(insert appropriate adverb here) challenged to avoid being sued. Take physically challenged; why not handicapped? There is nothing wrong or derogatory about it. Of course you can still perform at par with anyone else, and prove yourself in the world, but you still do remain handicapped.

    handicap: a physical or mental disability making participation in certain of the usual activities of daily living more difficult.

    But we Indians have our fair share of implied restricions on free speech too. Just the other day someone was telling me you could be arrested and jailed for telling a person from a scheduled caste that he/she belongs to a scheduled caste. I kid you not. "You belong to a scheduled caste" could land you in jail. But only if it's true. Madness, I tell you. All madness.
    - SW

    PS: apologies for the longish comment

  26. its your short hair. Its slightly boyish in a gay sort of way.

    Once you have long beautiful feminine locks no girlies will hit on you.
    Unless you flirt, and then you're just being a tease.

    lesbian porn is the most unappealing and unrealistic thing ever avoid unless truly bored.

    I find hedonistic hobo's remarks insulting, stupid and entirely cliche.
    But I've heard them before so I wont rant about it more than necessary.


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