26 April 2007

Remainder pile



* I have an excellent blog post all about "Are you trying to mess with the messee?" and mixed messages and signals and all that, but I can't post it because too many people I know read this blog.





* Which is why, as I mentioned on the comment section earlier, I'm going to shortly turn this blog into invite-only readers. If you still want to keep reading, I'll let you know when to send me your email address for the invite.





* In the meanwhile, it will be a fairly bland post I'm afraid. Although, I could, I suppose, talk about my cat. He's spoilt rotten, will only eat one brand of cat food, which is also, lalalalala, the most expensive one, won't eat cooked fish or raw shrimp or anything that is unfamiliar, thinks my cellphone charger is his new toy, and likes to crawl under the cover with me in the morning and dig his teeth and claws into my ankle, as well as climbing all over my boobs as a gentle WAKE UP AND FEED ME ALREADY reminder. He has this one game he loves, we call it "Let's make the bed!" and I swear he has sonic hearing when it comes to my bed, because even if he is curled up fast asleep somewhere, he will hear me shake out the sheets and come running to sit on my bed as I make it. And then he lies there as I toss my counterpane over him, and he does a few experimental, "Mmmmm..reow?s" as he stalks around underneath the sheets before he emerges, so triumphant. My cat is a little psycho.





* What are your I-would-never-dates? Mine are a) non-smokers b) non-drinkers and c) vegetarians. Not that there's anything wrong with these kind of people, I just wouldn't be able to date them, what with worrying about cigarette breath, how much more coffee we could drink and having to always order mushrooms or paneer. The list used to be longer and included d) people who don't like animals; e) people who don't read; f) people who don't drive, but as age catches up with me, I'm getting less picky. Although I would never marry someone who doesn't read. Because my bookshelves are my best decoration, what else would I stack up randomly around the house?





* This weekend I am being a good granddaughter and succumbing to filial duties by going to Cochin for my grandmother's 80th birthday. I will, no doubt, be gritting my teeth through it all, because this will be a nonsmoking weekend. A nonsmoking, nonnaked weekend also. Smiling at old uncles I haven't seen in years and answering inane questions about my life. I think I'll have a t-shirt made that says, "I like it very much, thank you for asking." Does anyone from Cochin read this blog? Will you meet me so I can chainsmoke and blame it on you? And I don't know any Malayalam. Sigh.





* Although it would not be as bad as going to meet my mom's relatives in Hyderabad. There I have to fend off questions about when I'm getting married. Either the Malayalis are more liberal and forward thinking, or they just don't give a rat's ass about my marital status. Either way, it means that much less teeth gritting.





* I would like to get married though. I mean, not desperately, but it's in there, with the rest of my to-be-done-eventually list. I'd like to have a court wedding, not too much fuss, and then take everyone to Neemrana or Dharamshala and party for two days. And I will be stunning and all grown up, and he will be stunning-er, and everyone will say how awesome we look together. I like being in a couple, I realise, it's good fun, even though singledom has its distinct advantages.





* Many months ago, I got an email from this guy I met once asking me to link to his blog, and his friends. Which I promptly ignored. But then, we became friends and when we met on Tuesday night, he said, "Now that we've known each other for so long, do an entire post on how awesome my blog is and how more people should visit it." He hasn't linked me AT ALL, so there will be no entire post, but I do enjoy his blog (and his comments) soooo, I'm putting it in big block letters. Go read Leo's blog now. Happy?





* I have not been to a new place in so long.



* And my MSN status says: Master And Commander Of Awkward Situations

* Which makes me wonder whether it should be Mistress?

* And Commandress?

* Commandrette looks better, I think.

* But also it makes me look like the kind of person who dots her i's with a heart.

* Or a circle.

* And I feel fat.






* Not to mention hairy.





* Which doesn't make me feel particularly attractive.





*And when I wear cleavage-y tops at night, my neck and face are a completely different colour from my boobs.





* So I look like I've borrowed my torso from someone else.





* The best solution to this is to wear low cut things in the day as well, so I tan evenly.





* Which I did yesterday, when I walked all over town for a story I was doing.





* Which is not such a good idea, because the daytime? It is HOT.





* And a pool of sweat gathers in my bra.





* And when you go out after work, people recoil from you, their noses wrinkling.





* So I'm going to henceforth stay indoors while the sun is up, and do all my interviews on the phone.





* And not be cleavage-y till the winter.





* When it will be too cold to be cleavage-y.





* Oh wait, I live in Bombay.


39 comments:

  1. I dont date

    1. Non drinkers
    2. Vegetarians
    3. Guy who cant cook
    4. Anyone who thinks F.R.I.E.N.D.S is not funny..

    .Period.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh well, I would have been happy to chain smoke with you in Cochin but I am flying down to Chennai today. and if there's an invite only thing - please invite me!

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  3. I wouldn't date girls that say 'ya' fifteen million times in every sentence. That mannerism drives my through the roof.

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  4. 1. Don't think I'll be dating shek anytime soon.

    2. I really can't date anymore anyway.

    3. But you cracked me. Big happy grin in middle of dutty irritating day.

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  5. thank you. you are most kind. would you like me to get you something from antipodeland?

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  6. Somehow I feel good that girls have sweat-in-undies problems too. Even cool ones.

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  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  8. I can't bear hypersonic voices. makes me cringe! your post cracks me up though!

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  9. is it just me or people actually do not mind the 'your-life-is-my-business' types?! If you decide to roll your eyes everytime you come across one, you'll be left doing just that. Sigh!

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  10. not Chennai, but if you wanna chain smoke and drink in Hyderabad, thats something which can happen

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  11. I enjoy reading your posts! Do include me if you're making it invite only..:-)

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  12. Would love to keep reading your posts. Loads of internet regulations in office means I could possibly never post a comment.
    But have been a religious reader for the past 2 months (I read most of the previous posts)

    And you would never date me and therefore, would not never get to write about me as well.
    Reason: I am from Mumbai, am a vegetarian, I don't smoke and I don't drink!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I didn't date
    1. Non drinkers
    2. Non smokers
    3. Vegetarians

    I got married to a guy who's all 3 though, so that just shows you never to tempt fate!

    ps. marriage rocks :-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. despite embracing all vices i have never dated a smoker save for one but he's the reason why i will never date smokers again. given my personal preferences for pot and lethargy, i always end up dating not potheaded athletes. go figure!

    skipped yoga for two days and now i can't walk past the mirror without looking at myself and thinking, 'chheeee!'

    hobo

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  15. I need my too-open button up shirts that allow air to flow through, otherwise I sweat like mad in this weather... Only thing worse than that is lower back sweat as a result of driving with that bloody beaded back massager thingie on the seat... gotta use it though, just gotta use it... damn back...

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  16. ummm - your cat does eat cooked fish - we fed it the last time i was there..

    and how long are you in cochin? bring me some 'kumbel'

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  17. I don't know how I got to your blog, but it's been a great read. I'll keep coming back.
    :)

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  18. @Shek

    a) I say ya all the time ya.

    b) I'm married and I kinda did god promise that i would be faithful.

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  19. when when when to send email asking for invite

    when
    when
    when

    * panics *

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  20. hey, don't forget to invite me! i like reading your blog :D and when is your book out?

    ReplyDelete
  21. I don't date
    a. Non drinkers
    b. Vain men. I want the mirror all to myself

    ReplyDelete
  22. I don't figure in your list as well. Though I am a pure non-veg, I don't drink or smoke.
    And I can never date women who smoke. It'll be tough with vegies as well, but think I can manage that.
    I love your blog. Have been a faithful reader for more than a year now, and have read most of the older posts as well.
    Please please invite annonymous readers like myself when you make it invite only. You write very well :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. I don't date smokers
    (which immediately removes 80% of the dating pool)
    non-readers
    I think I have issues with frequent lapses into the ungrammatical, and
    maybe i'm prejudiced against members of a certain community...
    so won't date those boys...
    sigh

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  24. Hi,
    i enjoy reading your posts...so if u plan to exercise a invite onle rule...please dont forget to add me in it...

    cheers!
    email:elizaajin@yahoo.co.in

    ReplyDelete
  25. hi you write very well
    your post are funny and witty(most of them atleast)
    if you dont like the comments ,pse put restriction on that, why put restriction on reading the blog :(

    ReplyDelete
  26. i am being in cochin sweatey u will visit for me? new mohanlal film is there we can go see if u like. just u give trane timings i will picck up frm raleways stetion via auto.

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  27. er..I read...but I really wish you wouldn't make us grovel so...
    I feel like a person trying to get into a party I'm not invited to.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I wouldn't date someone who wouldn't like me anymore if I stopped smoking (which is a good thing - the quitting, not the cessation of liking).

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  29. I think I'm going to link your blog, even though you clearly live in Bombay.

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  30. You know, I wouldn't not date a non-smoker, but I really wouldn't date someone who smoked badly. Either do it right or not at all is what I think is fair.

    And invite? Oh me me me me me please.

    Shall email then, definitely.

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  31. Invite me please. (After all I voted for you, too) :P (Emotional blackmail!!)

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  32. oh no! if this blog was to become locked and inaccessible, i'd have a nice little heart attack! and you don't want to be responsible for my pseudo death, do you? :P
    nah..I kid. I am a HUGE fan and I would really really really appreciate it if you could add me to the invite only list. PLEEEEASSSE!!!!!!!! sarahak@hotmail.com

    (PS- I'm a smoker too. Does that win me points?)

    ReplyDelete
  33. there's no pointing writing anything now. you're not going to read the 35th comment on the post that talks about making this an invite-only blog!!

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  34. Hey, my cat used to do the same thing with the bed! They're creatures of light and joy, no? Swore I wouldn't date a non-lover of animals, am married to cat-allergic! Sigh!
    Am trying to start him on fish, and move up the scale slowly :)
    love your blog, keep writing.... and please, please let me in on secret readers' society!! Was left out too much in school and assure you that this leaving out will affect my mental health badly :)

    ReplyDelete
  35. um.
    this blog is still open to everyone. and when i *do* decide whether or not to make it invite only, you'll have to put your email addresses down all over again. :) sorry!
    basically, don't bother about it now.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Hmmm..Hi.:)

    I have been a silent reader of your blog and would like to be added as an invite only reader if u allow..

    ~Jewel:)

    ReplyDelete

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