24 October 2009

I begin all angry and rant-y but then I walk the talk

Soooooo tonight I'm straight shooting from the hip, also in not a very good mood. I should be in an excellent mood--nice wine drunk (we named him Max), nice company--but then this ASSHOLE shows up, tagger on with friends and then proceeds to mouth off about all sorts of nonsense. To which I'm like okay, everyone deserves their own opinion. Then he recognises my name (wheee! sorry, it still pleases me) and then he's like (imagine this next bit all drunk and slurry) " I thought your book was shit." To which I'm still like, eh, can't please everyone. THEN in total overstepping of personal boundaries, he says, "Oh. you're not as sexy as I thought you would be." And then I think I spent the rest of the night trying not to cry from fury. Not that I care so much that he didn't think I was sexy--I'm a very your opinion is your opinion and mine is mine and live and let live etc and plus, I wasn't feeling very sexy anyway, and it's kinda a compliment to think your writing is sexier than you are. It was just the way he said it, this entitlement he felt he had, all BECAUSE I AM A MAN AND BECAUSE I AM THREATENED BY YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE YOUNGER AND A WOMAN and it was very not nice. Then later he weaves over and--I shit you not--pats me on the head and he's lucky he didn't lose his fingers, coz I would have bitten those mothers off. It was like seeing my Internet Troll with a face. Aargh. Depending on whose side you're on, you'll be happy/sad to know I didn't engage with him, but let him sit there, stewing in his own juices, just thankful I didn't know him in real life, and thankful I was me and not anyone else.

But you guys were nice and tonight, in post-Max stupor (we decided since wine had so much character we might as well name the bottle. It was a lovely Pinot Noir. Yeah, I watched Sideways too.) I'm going to answer questions one through five. (Don't worry, I will answer them all, just not in the same post.)

Question One asked by Rajvi: "how did you meet the love of your life?"

Well, the way you phrased it sort of threw me for a loop there. Where I can tell you, where is easy--we were both at a party, I was lonesoming by myself in a corner, batting away the stray boys who aimed towards me, asked me what I did and then turned it into a conversation about themselves, but this one, a bonafide cutie, all Jesus looking (but hotter) actually started talking to me about writing, how his favourite writers were Terry Pratchett and Oscar Wilde and before I knew it, my eyelashes were batting up at him and he was asking for my phone number and everything is awesome. (Except for the long distance, but then, no one likes long distance.)

How on the other hand, would require me to backtrack a little, go through my love life of the last four years, tell you how nothing really seemed to work for me. When I met JC, I was a little low, cynical as all hell, convinced that no one would really ever want to be with me and he treated me like I was special and perfect and now, almost two years later, you guys, I feel special and perfect. I feel cared for, I feel loved. And I am able to once again be the girlfriend I was at 20, giggly and playful, nurturing and considerate, knowing that I have his back and he has mine and we are a team, a TEAM, the two of us. It's brilliant. I recommend it highly; love.

Question two from Thresia: I like green eggs and ham. Do you want some green eggs and ham?

I'm not sure. I might be hungry, but, BUT, I have this new awesome cook and I've been eating most of my meals at home, which is a major achievement for me (not to mention much better for my figure) but I do like ham. Eggs, meh, not so much.

Question three from Yachna: So, do you miss delhi...how did life change from delhi to mumbai ?

I miss Delhi intensely right now. Winter is my most favourite season, and I love feeling the first nip in the air, the first night without the fan on, the first smell of mothball-y clothes, the smell of woodsmoke in the air, hot coffee and a cigarette. Things I love and I rarely experience anymore.

On the other hand, at 2.30 this morning, I lurched into a nearby auto rickshaw and made my way home alone. Good? Good.

I am more confident in Bombay, a Bombayite as much as I am a Dilliwaali. I know the streets of my neighbourhood, I wear a dress to casual Tuesday dinners, I can say "boss" with the best of them, and yet, I miss some things. I'm homesick for one city when I'm in another. I'm a nomad these days, based somewhere, heart somewhere else. Bombay turned my world around, but Delhi was where I learnt what a world was, so I'm really here and there.

Question four from Glox: What's your current FB status?

Ooh, easy question (good thing, considering it's nearly 4 am). Mine is inspired from the song Sweet Dreams (and on days when I'm lazy, my current status is just a song I've been humming) so it's eM travelled the world and the seven seas, everybody's looking for something.

And, inevitably, when you post a lyric as a status, one or more people will complete it for you, and they did.

And my last question for tonight from Lucie: what have you learnt in those 5 years? How much do you think one grows up in that time?

Oh boy. This is going to take some effort. Right.

Five years of blogging has been beyond wild. I went from random internet chick to not-so-random internet chick, which is pretty cool, considering I was only aiming for a higher random anyway. I received both bouquets and brickbats. I had some great validation for my writing from total strangers and I learnt how to tell the truth. (This is an important skill.)

But, mostly, I suppose, my blog has given me a certain amount of confidence. An internet persona is a wierd sort of thing to have as all my readers who blog will know. You're different when you have a keyboard, wiser, less prone to mistakes but also the editor of your own biography. THIS, in short, is my LIFE. I can see what's been going on for me, year to year, what I've been sad about, what I've been pissed about, even, sometimes, days when I've been drunk. I can see the graph of my life, the way it curves, the ups and the downs, and while it's an odd sort of feeling, having all that information out there, it's also poignant. My very first sentence on the internet, for instance, the one that goes: "First off, this was not what I was supposed to do. I am technically supposed to be working, but it's one of those days when all my work finished early and here I sit at 6 pm, trying desperately to look like I'm working... I'm a journalist, so typing is a good thing!" I look at it and I think, oh my, I used to have to justify what I did with my day, I used to want to please someone, anyone. And I also think awww, look how sweet I was! (Also, I seem to have eleven comments on that first post, to which I'm all WTF? I know I didn't have eleven comments when I began!)

I'm not making much sense anymore and I suppose I should go to bed. But, to answer the second half of the question, I think it's possible to grow up more in five years than your entire lifetime. I think Original eM, if told about Present eM's lifestyle and what the future held for her, would probably laugh and tell you that wasn't possible. 22 to 27. Just out of college to OMG I WROTE A BOOK AND PEOPLE HAVE READ IT! Jesus. Do you believe it? Is this just a dream? Am I there yet?

IMPORTANT UPDATE EDIT: A bunch of us are getting together and having a gigantic garage sale tomorrow (Sunday, Oct. 25) at Zenzi, Bandra from 1 pm to 5 pm. There will be cheap awesome things (clothes, books, accessories, shoes etc), and you should come. (All the brainchild of this brilliant blogger.) I'd come early, if I were you and bring change and shopping bags. Eeeeeeeeeeeee! So excited!

25 comments:

  1. :D

    But don't you hate it when people stalk you, as in when you go from RandomChickISawAtTheBar to OOOh, Writer chick I can get lucky with?

    That, I think is ew.

    And whoa, you aren't sexy? For seventeen year olds trying to grow up and not get fucked on the way you are a goddess. So he can just stuff his stupid comments and go die.

    Word verification says disizz. Like some french guy high on something. :P

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  2. And you know the question-er of the week? Raghav, from the last post. Actually, eM, where does the actualism lies? I'm in an hyperbolic mood. :P

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  3. dont beat urself up :) congratulations on appearing in yesterdays newspaper...and from a girls POV u r prettttty sexy :D so chin up. and ur a smashing writer...i only wish ud write more@!

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  4. oh u shud have n him taken that shit-mouth apart em..

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  5. Well, drunk-guy-at-bar has story to tell at the office pantry.
    I wonder if he reads your blog. :-)

    Anyway, Max seems a nicer memory for you to have.

    BTW... I didn't realise that the questions had to be about you. I just asked the first thing on my mind. (sheepish smile)

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  6. "I thought your book was shit."

    "My book tells me the feeling is entirely mutual."

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  8. Hurray the Q&A scheme made your post random and exciting.
    Tell me did you feel all important {like celebrities} when you pick questions and answer them and offer to answer the rest in next post?;)

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  9. Good to know that Bombay infused more confidence in you..& I can so relate to this nomadic feeling...I have a sense of belonging for Delhi now... feels like home here.. but then Chandigarh is the city where I was brought up and I, everytime, look so forward to going there.The air smells still the same & manages to bring out a nostalgia in me everytime I go there :)

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  10. ok.see,have you watched 'gulaal'?the girl who plays the guitar and who the hero falls majorly in love with.she reminded me of you.esp. the nose ring and all.and she's verrah hot.ergo:)

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  11. so now i know how the story of u and JC began..
    btw ive too come across such guys who dont think much before humiliating others..i dont think u should bother much about them.. you rock gal! love your writing it is soo sex and the cityish

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  12. Oh my God!!I saw Gulal yesterday and I absolutely agree with Shruti Ravi that you resemble the girl(especially because of the nose ring) with whom the hero falls in love and while watching it I was mentally composing a comment where I'd tell you this :).

    eM,tsk tsk,you get perturbed by guys who think you are not as sexy as you sound in your blog...f@#$ them!!
    By the way,I saw your developing site's layout!Ooh,just who took that picture of yours?It's fabulous.You look most fetching.Love love your nose ring.

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  13. Blogging gives self-identity. I too can vouch that I can relate to myself much better since jumping on to the blogging bandwagon

    And yes, on the way you also discover certain dormant facts about yourself

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  14. okay, so you KNOW that the insecure asshole has a reeeeally teenie weenie, right? tsk, some people shouldn't be let out of the house without a muzzle.

    loved reading of the where and the how you met j.c. :)

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  15. Do you have any more Garage Sales? or do you know of any? I have never been to any!

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  16. Missed you guys' garage sale. The one weekend I wasn't in town :(
    Loved reading about you and JC. Modern day fair tale-esque, I kid you not!
    Strange how insecure MCPs have motormouth syndrome, na? I really wish you would have torn him apart - verbally, of course.

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  17. oh ...Tom jane is the guy designed your site ....

    http://twitter.com/account/profile_image/kodemonki?hreflang=

    http://www.kodemonki.com/meenakshi/

    Your newsite looks good ...

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  18. Love the Q & A session..... maybe I'll ask something too.. :)

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  19. One very minor point... you may want to reconsider the Bombayite part and swap for Mumbaikar. Someone less famous may escape the wrath of those that care...

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  20. Damn..Misseed the sale. Looks like. Did yo have lotsa nice books?

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  21. Grrrr I missed the garage sale(Zenzi/Toto's)but pretty annoyed with that thing happened with you.

    It's just you were not posting much lately so didn't check your posts much hence paid for it.

    we learn.

    You Take care...your post is always worth dude not matter whether you are posting at 20-27-127

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  22. "You're different when you have a keyboard, wiser, less prone to mistakes but also the editor of your own biography."

    Wow, I cannot agree more.

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  23. Thanks for answering my question!

    "I look at it and I think, oh my, I used to have to justify what I did with my day, I used to want to please someone, anyone."

    I'm still doing it. I think I need to grow up.

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  24. heres the news flash : the fuck was hitting on you...i think u know it...its a classic move taken from this crappy book called 'the game'...show disinterest and then insult...sure to be remembered...the woman in u will want to find explanation, justification and other such nonsense..then the game is on..

    ignore it...

    u , my dear, are sexy..and u dont need some prick trying not too hard to be a prick telling anything else...

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