3 August 2010

Where’s your picket fence, love?

 

Hello, old friend.

 

You and I don’t exist in the same world anymore. The most we get is colliding our boundaries on a social networking site, and even then, your life is so distant, so far removed from mine that it’s hard to believe that once we were in the same book, on the same page, even. You and I were last five calls on each others phones, and now for whatever reasons, I don’t even think I have your number anymore.

 

Even though you have fallen to the wayside, in the television show of my life, you are no longer “featured guest”, but you might pop up on imdb as one of the extras, I still have occasion to look at what you’re doing and where you’re going. Sometimes, I marvel at the smallness and insularity of our worlds, how someone I just met, like completely randomly, is also on your friends list. Someone might mention your name to me, in passing, and I pause for a second, just to think about life the way it used to be. We give a lot of thought to lovers—ex and present—but we don’t think that much about friends, especially the ones that used to be.

 

For the most part, the death of our friendship seemed inevitable. Perhaps it was the wrong choices, perhaps it was just geography, but you, who used to be part of the fibre of my everyday life, have been patched over. Sometimes when I hear a song you used to love, or tell a story that you were a part of, I feel a pang of longing. Not longing for who you are now, in much the same way that I don’t think you give a thought to who I am now, but for who we were then. It’s hard to exist for 28 years without making an equal share of friends and enemies, and while I do think I am blessed in my friendships, having had some for over ten years, I know that it’s not possible to be friends with everyone, all the time.

 

Sometimes, you might have wronged me, at least in my head. That’s when I feel an absurd sense of proving to you how much better off I am. Look, look at me, look at my photos, look at my cheery status updates, look at my life, I don’t miss you, not one teeny tiny bit.

 

But the fact of the matter is, we’re getting older, old friend. I’m edging towards my thirties (and sometimes, so are you). Did you ever imagine that we could be thirty? Did you ever imagine that we’d be here and not with each other? And so I realise, that like most things in life, I have to let you go. It’s a small, small world, and we might bump into each other someday—either at your local coffee shop or at mine. But let’s not play the nothing happened charade. Let’s acknowledge each other, either with a nod or a smile, and let’s live our lives, knowing that the other person existed, and that we were, at one point, richer for it.

 

With fondness,

eM

27 comments:

  1. Wow.. Very nostalgic.. Might be very personal to you.. But I am sure, in one way or other all of us relate to this.. Good one.!!!

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  2. awww! Ya I know. I feel like a dinosaur already. :(

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  3. Nothing is more painful than a break-up where yearning is yet to cede. I only hope whats happening is in best interests of all and both of you get on with life soon

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  4. Lovely. To friends that used to be, and the ones that will always be.

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  5. Way to go eM! Beautiful feeling, beautiful post.

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  6. a very lovely post.. I loved it a lot... very nice composition of blog. I would have loved to write it myself but ur mind stole it..

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  7. I agree!! With all relationships, there is always nostalgia associated with how things were. And it definitely is not possible to keep them constant forever because you are always meeting new people and if nothing else, it just gets too tedious and time-consuming to maintain all relationships. :( Nonetheless, with friendships that used to be really close, there is a special yearning, which only gets worse because you know you can't fix it. :(

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  8. going thru something similar right now. not yet in a position to realize its after effects. Do you feel remorse for all??

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  9. was giong through something similar...it was reading my own thoughts...shared on Facebook :-)...hope some people wil take hint ;-)

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  10. "Perhaps it was the wrong choices, perhaps it was just geography, but you, who used to be part of the fibre of my everyday life, have been patched over."

    Whatay writing!

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  11. And since we are getting older (some of us are reaching thirty just this year!), isnt the whole reason for this fallout seeming pointless now? Nice, this.

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  12. Reminded me of those long-ago days of sneaking out early from work and conversations over coffee and cigarettes at CCD in Saket...miss those days sometimes, and miss the trio we used to be!

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  13. Such a precise post! All of us have felt that.Made me miss the relationships in my life which like you have rightly written made me the richer for them.I miss it , I miss how it used to be.Now of course I could never imagine us being friends.How different we are.It is so sad that we never try to remain in the other's books:(

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  14. Wonderful post eM!!
    Anyone who has gone through this phase can easily corelate him/her self..But I have developed an attitude flowing with the time that every damn thing in this world happens for a reason..and that reason would come before you one day..there is no point in rushing after that..enjoy small things in life..and do not allow Anybody to hurt you ever..Your posts have always been so close to me..great writing..keep it up..

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  15. wonderful post!!! We always run into people who at some point of time in our life completed us, but now become just a memory..Newaz Good one!!!

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  16. Joy often comes after sorrow, like morning after night.. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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  17. What a post!
    So identifiable. Funny how we go through our lives without feeling the need of their presence and then all of sudden just a mere mention can evoke some real strong memories :)
    Loved the writing!

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  18. Delurking to say this hit me hard...I'm about to move out of living with one of my best friends ever and I'm terrified for the inevitable fading out from each other's lives that's going to happen. This captured everything I'm scared of in the most poignant way.

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  19. "But let’s not play the nothing happened charade."

    I always liked this bit of yours honestly you sound more easy when you are left alone and not so friendly otherwise. (yes i am being judge-mental-stupid me ) I mean solitude brings out real you. In fact it brings best and purest thoughts which gets distracted otherwise. Oh god i am not making sense errrr :)

    you know we all love you the way you are no matter what !

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  21. You might not remember this... it was a longtime back... i once sent you the link to my own blog... kinda like if you wud look it over...there was no answer and i hated the great em for it... I stopped reading your blog for some time. Then it blew over.. then i read ur book and then it was tragic...what???? you can write much better. The real, human, broken, tarnished, sad, happy, quite confused em is who we all love and this was not that... you are not some dumb opal mehta girl or some chetan bhagat... You are someone who writes awesome... i am a real fan... and this post prove... it aint a work of great... but it is the reason that human read... to feel...thank you..... keep it going....

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  22. I know exactly what you're talking about! When I was a kid when people used to ask me for my phone number I used to give my best friend's instead! :P

    We're still in the same class. But if we do see each other we just give each other an awkward smile and look away pretending nothing happened. Nothing did happen. We didn't fight or squabble over petty things. We just drifted away. I don't know why but I'll never forgive myself for it. :(

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