My latest book is The One Who Swam With The Fishes.

"A mesmerizing account of the well-known story of Matsyagandha ... and her transformation from fisherman’s daughter to Satyavati, Santanu’s royal consort and the Mother/Progenitor of the Kuru clan." - Hindustan Times

"Themes of fate, morality and power overlay a subtle and essential feminism to make this lyrical book a must-read. If this is Madhavan’s first book in the Girls from the Mahabharata series, there is much to look forward to in the months to come." - Open Magazine

"A gleeful dollop of Blytonian magic ... Reddy Madhavan is also able to tackle some fairly sensitive subjects such as identity, the love of and karmic ties with parents, adoption, the first sexual encounter, loneliness, and my favourite, feminist rage." - Scroll



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6 October 2010

Time goes by, so slowly, so slowly

I’m broke AND broken hearted. Yes, it’s true, October, usually my favourite month of the year is now turning into the shittiest. The broke thing is pretty easy to explain, spending lots of money in great excitement when I had it, and now having no big cheques winging their way to me (I don’t think). But it’s like explorers, right? There’s always one brief moment when you ration out your remaining goods and wait (with a hurricane lamp) for the plane to come in bringing you new supplies. I’m just waiting for the plane.

 

Broken hearted, now that is a different story altogether. Now, you remember I had said that JC and I were going to try and figure things out? So, he came back to India, and we began to cohabit again, except, I don’t know, maybe it was that I was still so ANGRY with him (I didn’t realise I was still upset until much later) that we kept having fights. Not helped by the fact that we still didn’t know if our relationship was going anywhere.

 

Then, somewhere along the line, the tide began to turn. Suddenly, we were sweeter to each other than ever before, affectionate and loving, and tiptoeing around the elephant in the room (we became friends, I called him Toby and fed him peanuts.) And, long time readers will know how much I love my little bubble of denial. I think if they sold denial as a drug, I’d be snorting that shit. That’s how much I love it. So it came as a shock when a couple of weeks later JC told me it would probably be for the best if he moved out. I KNOW, RIGHT? I am an idiot.

 

But here’s where the weird thing comes in. We’ve broken up, but he’s still in the house. He’s off travelling shortly, so he thought it didn’t make much sense for him to look for a new place, and here we are. An ex couple, who just happen to be sharing a flat. And a bed. And worse, a bathroom.

 

Of course, I have my moments of pure and utter despair: will I ever meet anyone else? will I be very lonely? will I be able to navigate being single once more? but you know, I have good friends, I have a city I absolutely love, and eh, I’ll get over it. I will miss him though, it’s hard not to miss someone who has been such a part of your life, and changed you in ways you probably can’t tell, but I’m hoping to take the good and move on.

 

(ETA: The creative writing workshop is now on October 10th. A few spaces still open, email me if you want to come.)

18 comments:

  1. Heartbreaks are unwelcome, but this is your shot at breaking out of the bubble of denial.

    :)

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  2. may be you could tell yourself, you're lonely because you're alonely. Helps create another bubble, but works for whatever it is worth, till you find your way through :)

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  3. I'm guessing that the new experiences will turn into a new book, which will be fabulously well received. The heartbreak is unfortunate, but you will take the good and move on... in time.

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  4. Just please don't become one of those couples who've 'broken up' but keep having sex. That's the ultimate denial bubble.

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  5. Awww ... really feel for you! Hey, but at least you're being enterprising and you're organizing this writing workshop to earn yourself some cash, when many other people would just want to sit on the sofa and cry all day. Well done.

    Your ex ... well, frankly you should just kick him out (or you know, politely ask him to leave). Cruel, maybe, but if you've really made up your mind to break up, then this is just making the denial longer. You won't be able to properly process the whole thing until you know that he's out and never coming back. Also, if he's there then you can't invite your friends home for those post-break-up bitching sessions over alcohol. :o)

    Take care of yourself, reclaim your space, go enjoy the world!

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  6. Hugs, bebe. You were the coolest of all the single people I once knew. Scant consolation that may be so I'll just say anytime you feel like a chat or a coffee or just need a girlfriend for a drink, drop me a text or call.

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  7. For your sake, you need to stop sharing a bed and a house. See if you can stay somewhere else for a bit, with a friend, or you can always come back to Delhi. The nip in the air's started :)
    Be strong *hug*

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  8. I offer a virtual hug and a beer. take whichever you need. Hell, take 'em both. :)

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  9. tell him to leave, please! this is ridiculous. i know its your life and all that, but from the outside, this story is becoming more and more crazy. you don't need this man or his indecisiveness lady (or his presence in your room and bathroom).

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  10. This happens with most of us if you think you are alone, you are!

    e\m/ - few songs reco. for you :

    "Sometimes you can't make it own your own"

    "Hey Jude"

    "Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough"

    "Bhool Ja/ Tanha dil " - Shaan

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  11. Every day that passes I'm surprised more about how some mans can be a piece of %$*@#. If he has no feelings to be broken, since he is attending your house, at least he should think in your feelings, in your heart which he is breaking...my GF said: " if I could I would punch him :)

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  12. im sure when u hear this u will feel better and appreciate the place ure in...it will be a tab long but trust me...i found out that my woes actually help people...
    was living with my bf for a yr.usual ups and downs when u live together.after a yr he said he needs to go back to his hometown to help his family out due to financial issues.we moved out.he would come during the weekends.spend lovely days together.one day he says he wants to break up cause he couldnt handle the pressure from home and stuff but he wants to be with me when he moves back to the city. for 9 months this went on.till two months ago, on my own..found out..the boy never left the city (in fact has been living 20 mins away all this while) and has been sleeping with my best friend for a year. after i confronted him he still lied and till date keeps lying. i dunno why i still want to talk to him when HE has told me to get out off his life after i found out!! anyhu, all i can say is..be glad u had a decent man in ur life even if things didnt work out. heartbreaks will happen...at least yours was a normal one...i still dont know where im going cause two ppl i trusted the most turned out to be low lives...and u are right..take the good and move on...at least u can do that..

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  13. "..And time can do so much..".it will do its thing...you will be back with a bang...all smile and sunshine...u will

    take care

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  14. I doubt if anything can be more complicated than new-age relationships. Read my new post to have a chewing gum perspective

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  15. You will meet someone else. That's just how it works.

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  16. Em :) I visit your blog everyday, hoping to see a new blog post, but end up disappointed. Please do blog :) You have a faithful reader in an Indian girl in college in fucking Kentucky. Waiting to read another witty, very Em blog post :)

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