I’m broke AND broken hearted. Yes, it’s true, October, usually my favourite month of the year is now turning into the shittiest. The broke thing is pretty easy to explain, spending lots of money in great excitement when I had it, and now having no big cheques winging their way to me (I don’t think). But it’s like explorers, right? There’s always one brief moment when you ration out your remaining goods and wait (with a hurricane lamp) for the plane to come in bringing you new supplies. I’m just waiting for the plane.
Broken hearted, now that is a different story altogether. Now, you remember I had said that JC and I were going to try and figure things out? So, he came back to India, and we began to cohabit again, except, I don’t know, maybe it was that I was still so ANGRY with him (I didn’t realise I was still upset until much later) that we kept having fights. Not helped by the fact that we still didn’t know if our relationship was going anywhere.
Then, somewhere along the line, the tide began to turn. Suddenly, we were sweeter to each other than ever before, affectionate and loving, and tiptoeing around the elephant in the room (we became friends, I called him Toby and fed him peanuts.) And, long time readers will know how much I love my little bubble of denial. I think if they sold denial as a drug, I’d be snorting that shit. That’s how much I love it. So it came as a shock when a couple of weeks later JC told me it would probably be for the best if he moved out. I KNOW, RIGHT? I am an idiot.
But here’s where the weird thing comes in. We’ve broken up, but he’s still in the house. He’s off travelling shortly, so he thought it didn’t make much sense for him to look for a new place, and here we are. An ex couple, who just happen to be sharing a flat. And a bed. And worse, a bathroom.
Of course, I have my moments of pure and utter despair: will I ever meet anyone else? will I be very lonely? will I be able to navigate being single once more? but you know, I have good friends, I have a city I absolutely love, and eh, I’ll get over it. I will miss him though, it’s hard not to miss someone who has been such a part of your life, and changed you in ways you probably can’t tell, but I’m hoping to take the good and move on.
(ETA: The creative writing workshop is now on October 10th. A few spaces still open, email me if you want to come.)