After all that detoxing, I'm retoxing, and it has totally taken a toll on my skin. I'm trying not to obsess or touch my face too much, but it IS rather ridiculous at 29, to still get a zit. I should be over this by now! What doesn't help is remembering that at sixteen or whatever age you are when you get all pimply, my skin was as clear as.. er, a baby's bottom? Is that a thing? But my body should get used to all the pollution in the air and the fresh poisons being poured into it, sooner or later, and I have high hopes from this October. Not least because I'm going off to the Jodhpur RIFF once more this year, last year I went to nurse a broken heart, and such is the wonder and magic of the place, I returned (almost) healed. This year, I'm looking forward to being a bit less broken hearted, and much more cheerful. No More Tears, like a Johnson and Johnson baby shampoo tagline. Plus, there's jazz and dancing and all sorts of fun things. I didn't get to go to Goa this month, like I had planned on, so Rajasthan it is. And live music is so much more superior to any other kind of music.
You know what else October means? This is the month when I can stop being all cool and casual about it and be all like Birthday! Birthday! Birthday! I know, I know, it's two whole months away, but I feel like the festive season kicks off with Diwali and ends with my birthday. Yes, yes, Christmas, New Year's, blargh, but they're all just foils. Really, this winter is all about me turning 30. A big birthday means a big celebration too, and now I can start planning. Two months too soon? Oh, who cares? I'm actually looking forward to turning thirty, in an odd way. I feel like 29 is like a year of WAITING, and it'll be nice to have 30 here and over with. I remember turning 20, my friend and I had a joint birthday party, and there was lots of drinking, and I basically only remember it because of the photographs, one of which had another friend dipping me backwards, so my hair touched the floor. Twenty was the year I discovered both death and sex, which is like a plotline of a bad literary novel, but it's true. It happened to me. I promise you, though, that it won't be my bad literary novel. But a learning year. And now a new decade, what a very long time to have been alive. I'm not displeased with my lot though. Sure, at twenty, my visions of thirty included marriage, babies, etc. But they also included books, which I have done, and friends, which I have. I'm beginning to rethink my stance on marriage, as more and more friends get hitched, it's inevitable that you wonder what that aspect of your life is going to look like. But here's what I learnt in this year of waiting (which means they're useful after all) that I'd ultimately rather be happy than with someone and unhappy. Does this sound like a very single cheer-yourself-up kinda thing to say? I don't understand why we have to be so rah-rah about the singleness. Some days it does suck, and you're lonely and sad. And some days, it's pretty awesome. Much like any other relationship. But, see, we're brought up to believe that marriage is like one of the tasks we have to check off on our Life Goals list, and here's the thing about being alone , it makes you rethink your Life Goals list. Simple as that.
The one sad thing about turning thirty? I'm finally going to have to change the "About Me" of this blog to thirtysomething instead of twentysomething. Sigh.