15 October 2012

Three really sexy books I've read recently

Being monogamous to a person who doesn't always live in the same city as you means you sometimes got to help yourself, so to speak, know what I'm sayin'? etc. I combat this with sexy reading and having a fully battery-ed up helper. (I now can't buy batteries without blushing deeply. Worse than condoms.)

The Kindle is your friend, ladies who love smut, because you could be sitting on a plane, innocently crossing your legs, eating your cookie, and the gentleman next to you thinks, "Aw, how sweet, she's so into her book" not being able to hear all your heavy breathing over the whirr of the aircraft. Here are three books you must get for yourself, Kindle or not, because they will leave you heaving:


1) The Everyone Told You It Was Dirty But You Took A While To Get Into It Book:

Yes, yes. 50 Shades Of Grey. I mocked. I scoffed. I moffed, even. Here's what my friends said:
"Oh. My. God."

"Couldn't stop reading it."

"It really worked, you know? It worked!"


And so, I got it for my Kindle and began and at first I wanted to roll my eyes as much as Ana. Is this what the feminist movement has become? Here's the thing; it's a really, really terrible book. There's no plot, the writing is terrible, the characters are one dimensional, but... the sex scenes are really sexy. I mean, even as someone who is fairly vanilla about these things, the description of a riding crop one evening *rowr*.

The problem is in the next book, Christian Grey stops being a sexy fucked up person with a Red Room of Pain and becomes very vanilla AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN DESCRIBE THE SEX ANYMORE. It's all, "we finished and rolled over and smiled with love." Yuck. Get a room. I'm  not even bothering with book three because they'll probably be picking out their kids names. Stick with book one for maximum satisfaction.

Buy here.


2) The Unexpectedly Sexy Read Which You Thought Was Historical Fiction But Turned Out To Be Historical EROTICA Book:


 Um, yes. This book starts off all very well with a young man in Amsterdam going to seek his fortune as a tutor for a rich family. But almost immediately afterwards he seduces the kid's mother, and that's quite rollicking.

Then, just as you emerge, breathless and gasping from those encounters, there's some homoerotic stuff which is seriously knee shaking. And then it all ends with a very vague To Be Continued. It helps that the story is engaging, the language genuine and you get invested in the characters (unlike a certain E.L I could mention). The to be continued business is very annoying though.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH, RICHARD MASON! I WANT MORE SEX!

Buy here.


3) The Classic Always On My Kindle In Case Of Emergency Book:

Anais Nin is generally a really good beach/holiday read because her languid sensuality suits sand and sun and nothing to do. But! Delta Of Venus is tantalisingly sexy, prying you open, turning you inside out, each story complete in and of itself and by the end of it, you want to just close the book and lie down, thinking about sex, sex, sex for at least forty minutes. Also, it leaves you feeling beautiful and goddess-like. What other book can do that, I ask you?

Buy here.

7 comments:

  1. I am in a monogamous with someone who doesn't live in the same continent even...its freaking frustrating!!! I hated Grey but you are so on about the sex scenes... I'm gonna get the other two :) Thanks eM :D

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  2. Book three of Fifty Shades trilogy is actually better than book two when it comes to sex scenes. But ya, the end part is too fairy tale-ish and soap opera-ish. I wish she was a bit realistic.

    Must.get.a.kindle.

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  3. I'm doing the long-distance thing too, I feel your pain, and while I'm still skeptical about 50 Shades I think the second one sounds absolutely delicious (I've already devoured Delta of Venus :) )

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  4. What a beautiful cover for "Delta of Venus" - haven't seen this edition before. Who published it?

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  5. I personally think it's way better to go to a dating site than read fifty shades. Though I have to admit, the "action" is real good.

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  6. Lace by Shirley Conran. Try it :)

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  7. In any literature, the tantalizingly possibility of sex is infinitely more preferable than the actual graphic description of the act itself. So, from that point, John Updike's Rabbit series of novels are my favorites.

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