Wow, can't believe I'm actually posting on two consecutive days. Actually, being the closet nerd that I am, and encountering several traffic jams on my way to work, (Here's a question: Why do they call it "rush" hour, when traffic doesn't even move?) I planned out today's post carefully in my head.
Bless me father, for I have sinned. It's been 22 years since my last confession.
The basic subject of my post is a guy who I'll call Ronny. Ronny was my best friend, he called me every day, he rumpled up my hair, we sat around and chilled together discussing the mystery of the sexes. Sure, he had a crush on me once, but that was way back when. Now, we were nothing more than platonic. Why, Ronny had even fixed me up with his friend. All right, so that was a disasterous relationship--- me winding up not trusting guys for a LONG time after being cheated on twice.
Anyway, so I was finally happy. I was with Z. and he made me feel special. Maybe not as special as I would have liked to have felt, but he was a nice guy and I knew I could trust him. Love wasn't really in my scheme of things.
But then, four months down the line (my longest relationship till I met K.), Z. and I started having problems. Oh, perhaps it was my imagination, perhaps I was PMSing, but all of a sudden it was like I never saw him anymore. Z. was a pro-golfer, so he spent all day on the grounds and usually, spent his evenings with me. But it seemed of late he wanted more and more 'guys night outs' which usually meant 'guys-and-single-women' night-outs. I thought perhaps I was reading too much into it and called Ronny for some advice.
"Yeah, you should break up with him," was his response
"What?" I said, shreiked actually. I was pretty much hoping it would be no big deal, that all guys went through phases like that, that I was overreacting.
"Trust me, Mynna. Guys are bastards. This is his way of getting you to break up with him so that he doensn't have to do it."
"Um, in that case, shouldn't I not dump him?" I was genuinely confused.
"Nooooo. Because then he will dump you and it's better if you do it first. Trust me."
I trusted him implicitely, so I said thanks, hung up and called Z.
And it turned out, he didn't really want to break up with me, but since I had brought it up, it must be something that was bothering me and ergo, we should 'take a break'.
Ronny called at around one in the morning from the nightclub he was in. I thought, Oh how sweet, he's thinking about me even when he's out partying and picked up the phone and went 'Bwaaaaaaaaa-aahhhhhhhh'.
"You broke up?" he asked, all gentle concern.
"Right, I'm coming over."
My mum adored him so I knew she'd be cool with the fact that he was dropping by so late. In any case, I opened the door before he rung the bell.
We sat down, I aching and wiht swollen eyes, proceeded to start crying again. I laid my head against Ronny's shoulder and he made me laugh. He was good at making me laugh.
Then he took my hand, looked deep into my eyes and said, "I've always been attracted to you."
My jaw, I'm sure, practically touched the ground.
"And I know you've been attracted to me too. I want to make you happy."
I'm not going to put in the 'gory details' here... use your imagination. Reader, please remember my state of mind. I was too unhappy to be offended, in fact, somewhere in me, I was thinking, "Okay, so what if Z. doesn't want me, other people do." But when he kissed me, my brain screamed, This is not right. I want Z. NOT Ronny!
*A couple of months later*
We never talked about that night. Ronny told me, quietly, sweetly, "I'm only thinking of your reputation Myn. Why should this go any further?"
Of course, since it was 'my' reputation I told a few close friends and left it at that. Somehow or the other, the news got back to his ex-girlfriend, who apparantly wasn't his 'ex' back then. She confronted me, her lips chapped from biting on them and beady tears on her lower lashes.
Yes, I told her the truth. I was fully prepared not to, but by then my loyalty to Ronny had waned, since he hadn't called me since then.
And Ronny sent me threatening text messages and phone calls, but after a good talking to from some of my 'manlier' guy friends he stopped.
I still feel guilty though.