I'll miss you, 2005.
You were a good year. You were a fast year. You sped along at all the boring moments, at all the depressing moments, but you slowed down just about enough for me to take a breath and look back with wonder, and sometimes anger.
You were, without doubt, a year of discovery. You were the year my "creative outpourings" happened to the hilt. You were the year I made new friends, with people I wouldn't even have considered 'like me' in the past. You were the year I learnt to tilt up my chin again, to hold my head high, and finally, to be able to be okay with being by myself.
You were the year of independence. Of learning that I can, in fact, do this. That I can live alone. That I can have fights with once-beloved friends, and not break. The year that I learnt to just let go, and how marvelous, how liberating letting go can be. You were the year in which I partially unclenched my fists and let down some of the walls surrouding me.
You were a weird year, 2005. You were the year when happy things and sad things coexisted. You were the year that moved me from a rut to high places and back to the rut. You were the year all my relationships stood on their heads and made faces at me for ever presuming I knew anything about them. You were the year I began to question what it was I wanted and why, even in moments of exquisite aloneness, I felt lonely. You were the year that made me feel at least five years older than I am, but you were also the year that I felt about six years younger.
You were the year of the broken toe, of boys who don't call back, of new offices and new people, of learning that kisses seldom mean promises. You were the year of violence, of several bomb blasts, of the end of some of my favourite haunts, of the end of some of my favourite traditions. You were the year I learnt to listen. You were also the year I learnt to forget.
2005, the one thing that will mark you, for me, more than any other year, is because you were the year of Internet relationships. Of blog meets like this one. Of seeing for myself how minute the world is, especially when my virtual world and my real world collided at several times. The year when people finally began to scratch their chins and think seriously about the power of the world wide web.
How many people have I lost this year? How many people have I gained? How many of my relationships, even now, hang in the balance, waiting for the jury to come in?
But while I will miss you 2005, you superspeedy year, you. And while I will be regretful that yet another year has gone by and now I am faced more so than before with a sense of my own mortality, I am looking forward to see what 2006 has in store for me.
Let it be a good year, 2005, year that I have loved. Let me be happy, happy, happy in 2006. Let me learn how to be loved, how to be wise, how to reserve judgements. Let some of the things that I wish for with crossed fingers and eyes clenched shut come true. And the other things, which you don't give me, let me see why they haven't been given to me. Let me be a good friend in 2006, and let me enjoy good friendship. Let me make good descisions, this year and let me not want to undo a single thing. And in the more frivolous line, let my stomach be flatter and let me be kissed several times by someone I love, before I forget how to do that.
And then I read this, and I say thank you, for making it happen. Pretty please, make it happen for 2006 also? Please?