My latest book is The One Who Swam With The Fishes.

"A mesmerizing account of the well-known story of Matsyagandha ... and her transformation from fisherman’s daughter to Satyavati, Santanu’s royal consort and the Mother/Progenitor of the Kuru clan." - Hindustan Times

"Themes of fate, morality and power overlay a subtle and essential feminism to make this lyrical book a must-read. If this is Madhavan’s first book in the Girls from the Mahabharata series, there is much to look forward to in the months to come." - Open Magazine

"A gleeful dollop of Blytonian magic ... Reddy Madhavan is also able to tackle some fairly sensitive subjects such as identity, the love of and karmic ties with parents, adoption, the first sexual encounter, loneliness, and my favourite, feminist rage." - Scroll

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30 December 2005

Yet another year-end post

I'll miss you, 2005.

You were a good year. You were a fast year. You sped along at all the boring moments, at all the depressing moments, but you slowed down just about enough for me to take a breath and look back with wonder, and sometimes anger.

You were, without doubt, a year of discovery. You were the year my "creative outpourings" happened to the hilt. You were the year I made new friends, with people I wouldn't even have considered 'like me' in the past. You were the year I learnt to tilt up my chin again, to hold my head high, and finally, to be able to be okay with being by myself.

You were the year of independence. Of learning that I can, in fact, do this. That I can live alone. That I can have fights with once-beloved friends, and not break. The year that I learnt to just let go, and how marvelous, how liberating letting go can be. You were the year in which I partially unclenched my fists and let down some of the walls surrouding me.

You were a weird year, 2005. You were the year when happy things and sad things coexisted. You were the year that moved me from a rut to high places and back to the rut. You were the year all my relationships stood on their heads and made faces at me for ever presuming I knew anything about them. You were the year I began to question what it was I wanted and why, even in moments of exquisite aloneness, I felt lonely. You were the year that made me feel at least five years older than I am, but you were also the year that I felt about six years younger.

You were the year of the broken toe, of boys who don't call back, of new offices and new people, of learning that kisses seldom mean promises. You were the year of violence, of several bomb blasts, of the end of some of my favourite haunts, of the end of some of my favourite traditions. You were the year I learnt to listen. You were also the year I learnt to forget.

2005, the one thing that will mark you, for me, more than any other year, is because you were the year of Internet relationships. Of blog meets like this one. Of seeing for myself how minute the world is, especially when my virtual world and my real world collided at several times. The year when people finally began to scratch their chins and think seriously about the power of the world wide web.

How many people have I lost this year? How many people have I gained? How many of my relationships, even now, hang in the balance, waiting for the jury to come in?

But while I will miss you 2005, you superspeedy year, you. And while I will be regretful that yet another year has gone by and now I am faced more so than before with a sense of my own mortality, I am looking forward to see what 2006 has in store for me.

Let it be a good year, 2005, year that I have loved. Let me be happy, happy, happy in 2006. Let me learn how to be loved, how to be wise, how to reserve judgements. Let some of the things that I wish for with crossed fingers and eyes clenched shut come true. And the other things, which you don't give me, let me see why they haven't been given to me. Let me be a good friend in 2006, and let me enjoy good friendship. Let me make good descisions, this year and let me not want to undo a single thing. And in the more frivolous line, let my stomach be flatter and let me be kissed several times by someone I love, before I forget how to do that.

And then I read this, and I say thank you, for making it happen. Pretty please, make it happen for 2006 also? Please?


  1. That post was beautiful. Makes me want to forward it to everyone in my address book saying that I wrote it.

    (random decrepit person)

  2. Happy 2006, and hope it is a great year for u.

  3. u know what i love about your blog... is that you are so unapologetically HUMAN! i love how ur not afraid of saying things which we're all thinking. i wish you all the best for 2006.

  4. Yo Confessor !
    What the hell has happenned to your blog..sounding less like confessions and more like moral science class
    or are you keeping your sex life a big secret from us...?

    c'mon we want to hear whats really happening in your life and not these abstract list and lesson sermons..

  5. -sprinkles fairy dust and little sparkly bits- Here's to a good 2006 for all of us.

    And yes, to flatter tummies too.

  6. tu to senti ho gayi re...
    all sorts of nice wishes for you in the new year eM

  7. i dropped in here a few times, some posts were good, some nothing great. but this time,
    i just have two words-
    fucking awesome

  8. Happy Happy ! :)

    What a year huh ! And most importantly, what a totally awesome December !! Even though this New Years eve has all the trappings of being one damp squib, I lay content... for I shall always have TC and midnight walks in Saket hunting in the fog for a taxi stand that never existed ;)

    *big Nooyeeear hugs*

  9. But what we all really want to know is what is up with you and TTG. That guy is keeping it all quiet. I saw you with him the other day...

  10. Amazing post. Want to say 'ditto' at my space :)

  11. Wow. Fantastic post. Thanks for having the ability to express things of your own and along with it, some of the everyone of us. Thanks for ringing true.

    Keep it up.

  12. hey good writing its almost like ed tv of the net ,graphic true and melancholic at times but as real as it gets .
    wish a gud resonable mortifying agreeable year ahead . keep writing

  13. Somewhat there already, aren't we? And doing fine.

  14. Just got in yest. thru Rhapsodic/Hemlyn/ahem. Looks like 2005 has been an eventful year for not just me ;-) Well, I haven't learnt to let go as easily as you - and wonder if I ever will. And I'm not even sure that is a good thing. Think that is something that has to come and can't be learned. Hope 2006 treats you way better than 2004!


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