24 October 2006

Sex toys, Fun With (subtitled: the post that made even ME blush crimson hues)

(As promised, the 24-hour cross posting here. Originally posted here. And yeah, since this IS job, this is how it's going to be. Although the content stays unchanged, so, frankly, I don't really see what the big deal is. Really.)

I have debated about putting this post up into a public domain. I mean, toys, the way they're used are really just for me. And my personal pleasure. Buuuuuuut, sometimes I need to step out of my comfort zones, to reveal just a little bit more into the internet, to sort of like bungee jump, you know? Or do a strip tease. Like the more vulnerable I am, ironically, the stronger I will be. Anyway. Whatever the reason, this post is about my new favourite thing.

Sex is fun, sure, but if you're at a certain stage in your life and/or you're a little bit picky about who you allow to see you naked, there's only so much action you can get anyway. And though (whisper) masturbation (unwhisper) is something everyone does and no one talks about, it just makes you feel sadder and lonelier and a little bit more like a loser, if your Saturday night involves a Bacardi breezer and Anais Nin. It's a little bit closer to admitting to old age and death and the fact that eventually you're going to be huge and obese and your butt cheeks are going to meld into your leather arm chair and they will find you, with Cheetos spilt everywhere, an inquisitive cockroach on your nose, dead, with your mouth hanging open and your underwear around your knees.

I bet everyone has a 'first time experimenting' story. The first time you realised ooooooooh-if-I-touch-THAT-I'm-exploding. And then, with the years and the abstinence, you perfect what moves work best for you. Hand showers, for some people. Sitting up for others. That sort of thing. Sometimes, if you're REALLY lucky, you find someone who likes the same sort of stuff, who knows what buttons you push to make yourself feel excellent, and give you a little help. Why is it okay, well, not okay, but okay-ER, to write about sex but people think writing about masturbation is like risque and not something you mention? I mean, I know very few people who admit to like doing stuff, although they lay on the deets about their sex lives. Hmmm. And mainly women too, they seem to think it's DIRTY somehow to get pleasure and doing it on their own? Oh, I would never do that. Bullshit. You would think though, that you'd admit to masturbating (and even I, fully of hypocrisy, cannot write this word without blushing deeply) over sleeping with many people, because hell, at least you're disease free. And it may not clean up your SKIN or anything, but it will make you happy. Like a cup of coffee.


Toys, though, have never been my cup of tea. I improvise with other people, this ONE time, I had access to a whip, I flourished it with great glee, cracking it over my head and almost took my by-then-not-so-willing partner's eye out. Then he took away the whip. Damn. I was having such a GOOD time, too. Handcuffs, meh, though they've always fascinated me are a little bit scary, I once saw this Baywatch episode, where this chick tells the guy, "Kiss me underwater," and when he goes into the pool to do that, she handcuffs him to the railing of the pool and leaves him there TO DIE. This is clearly what happens when you use handcuffs. Dangerous things. I was fourteen, and scarred for life, I tell you. And THEN, I read this one Stephen King, I forget which one, where this guy ties up this woman and he's getting too aggro, right? So she kicks at him, only she kicks at one of those spots they keep telling you about in self-defence class, you know, the ones that can kill you? And he dies and she's still handcuffed to the bedpost and then this DOG comes in and starts eating the corpse and she can't get free and oh, HANDCUFFS are BAD. Blindfolds are good fun, and they don't require too much preparation either, you can just use any old thing. Gags, I would not recommend (see handcuff reasoning above). But while I'm all for the imagination, at the end of the day, plain vanilla just appeals to me way more than anything else. Which is why I was not a full on vibrator supporter. Why spend money when you can do it on your own, she asked sensibly.

But then, Ragini returned from the UK bearing presents and she got me mine, demurely wrapped up, hissing, "Don't show this to your mom, or mine!" and when I unwrapped it, there was this red box with a cutesy little red girl devil on it, looking over her shoulder and smiling. And when I opened THAT, there was this thing--looking like, well, you know, only white! With sparkles! I love the sparkles. "I couldn't find pink or purple," Ragini told me regretfully, "And this is only a very basic one." "I like the white," I assured her, "I think it goes with my virginal type soul." And basic or not, duuuuuuuude. Fucking hell.

It's called the Rabbit, apparently, made famous by Sex and The City and known so because right underneath, you know, the thing, is something shaped vaguely like a fork, only with only two, very small, round tines, which look a little like rabbit ears, but are actually, well, you know. It's not very large, only about the size of my hand, from the tip of my middle finger to the base of my palm, but since I don't use it for (again) you know, it's all good.

And while I wait for the blood supply to leave my face and start moving normally again, tra la. I recommend one to everybody, because there's nothing like multiples right before you go to sleep. I mean, it's one of the cool things about being a woman, right? Like one of our advantages, etc.

Also, yeah, if you know me in real life and you bring this up, I have noooooooo idea what you're talking about. Indian girls don't masturbate.

42 comments:

  1. Okay, a few hard questions.

    1. Will the two blogs have different posts or the same? Answering this will mean having to read either one or two blogs.
    2. Two maybe too much effort.
    3. As nice as ibibo is, having to register to post comments just fair sucks. Big time.
    4. Blogger misses you.
    5. Come back here you rascal!

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  2. no fun. i like this blog better. the interface is more mature. not stupid smiley faces staring at you from the 'fans' section.

    isthe toy tipped at the end. given i work in sex shop allow me to make a sales pitch. it oughta have a slightly crooked top for maximal g-spot stimulation. ideally be made of a jelly or sillicone product, used with a water-based lube and for chrissake please use a lube with it.also even if it says waterproof donot take it in to the bath.

    handcuffs are very good bebe. handcuffs and blindfolds. chocolate body paint. the shop has a pair of very disturbing bondage tddy bears. regular paddington teddy bears done up in faux leather bondage gear, arranged on the table in fellatio-like repose. disturbing. that, and the sister sin, nurse costume. :)

    happy diwali bebe!

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  3. 1. as of now, the same, but that could change whenever, on which i'll keep you posted :). only, that gets updated first.

    2. oh come on :) it's not like you're DOING anything anyway!! :)

    3. this is true. but comments can still be left here, pwomise.

    4. awwwwwww... but i haven't LEFT! Really! i'm just two timing!

    5. see above.

    i hope this answers everything!! :)

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  4. apologies, so many typos in that comment. oh deah..........

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  5. Two timing you say? I can turn off the Google-Juice you know...

    The Rabbit? What a dopey cutesy name. If it were a guy's toy it'd be called the Total Anihilator 5000 or something like that.

    Mutliples, yeah right. Next you'll be a squirting fountain. I call, Urban Legend.

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  6. you're answers, vague and uncertain as they are, will do for now.

    be warned, we readers are fickle but you've had a good run of posts. we're not leaving. just yet.

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  7. *sigh* tomorrow, this blog will be updated too. again, it's just updated there FIRST, but the blogger one will be updated too in 24 hours. goodness. aren't you all slaves to custom? :)

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  8. What if you posted on *both* blogs, huh? Original and independent content for each.

    Hook. Line. Sinker.

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  9. I want to make a romance inside you

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  10. So late in discovering th new toys. surprising

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  11. simpely you r ignoring good man who is loking 4 ur intrest only. y 2 use the rabits? other ways to njoy r there. i am not making dirty coment but only want ur hapiness. next timefeeling urgent please make prayer to swami aiyappa. only god can give satisfy. pls email to my dineshk4u@rediff.com. waiting ur reply. ok c u l8r qt.

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  12. this place's sold out... nothing to see here guys. move on.
    doesn't ANYONE write for the freakin' love of writing anymore??

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  13. i am thinking you should call this dinesh k chappie. he is sounding quite nice

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  14. hey....have been checking out your blogs for quite sometime now.....love to read them......God willing .....would like to know you in person.keep blogging..:)

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  15. hi,

    so how does one land a JOB like this one?

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  16. women have to face a lot of things guys dont (heck, im all for empancipation, up the skirts! wait, that didnt come out right) like eve teasing, having them babies, the glass ceiling at work. and while i am glad to be a guy, i will allow myself to be selfish and say that i do envy the fairer sex multiples...

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  17. "The characters in Sex and the City were all scrambling for a man-I don't call that a good message for women. Couldn't just one of them say Look, I prefer to masturbate than go out with another one of these jerks?"
    -Betty Dodson

    someone just did. :)

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  18. Hmm, whips...were you wearing a black leather dominatrix outfit? I'm not vanilla..

    And you silly girl, of course Indian girls don't masturbate! We also stay virgins even long after we've had grandkids! Sex is a disgusting western habit that we'd do well to refrain from emulating!

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  19. normally i love reading your posts but this time the post is facing some tough competition from the comments - wow! Talk abt subtle propositions :)) It's funny to see how many anonymous commenters are more than willing to offer you a helping hand - oops that didn't sound right!!

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  20. Carrie: I'm not going to replace a man with some battery-operated device.
    Miranda: You haven't met 'The Rabbit.'
    Samantha: Oh come on, if you're going to get a vibrator, at least get one called 'The Horse.'
    - Sex and the City

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  21. Carrie: I'm not going to replace a man with some battery-operated device.
    Miranda: You haven't met 'The Rabbit.'
    Samantha: Oh come on, if you're going to get a vibrator, at least get one called 'The Horse.'
    - Sex and the City

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  22. My. Very very good. Its refreshing to see an Indian girl being bad. For a change. Publicly. Ish. Thumbs up.

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  23. I feel so so bad I don't have friends like this!

    Incidently, last weekend, on my evening walk I got some duck shaped balloons just to irritate my roommate, the first thing her boyfriend thought of when he saw the balloon was that it's a sex toy :D I told him we are not that fortunate yet BAH * sobbing *

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  24. never speaking with you again just for sharing that dog-eating-corpse scene. t m i

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  25. You're gutsy. Does anyone who read your blog know you in real life too? If yes, take a bow.'re guts

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  26. Rahul Gandhi's cell number:9871098011

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  27. @Raindrop: We're all one. The world is round. East? West? Eastern? Western? Deshi? Videshi? Arbitrary.

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  28. So there was this guy right? He invented this 'device' that had two charged cables clipped onto his testicles. He'd put in a porn on the VCR and this thing would send small electrical shocks to his afore mentioned testicles. He said this felt so damn good he never wanted [or needed] to have real sex again.
    So far so good, aside from the fact that he sounds like a bit of a loser.
    Unfortunately one day, while pleasuring himself, the 'device' shorted and instead of sending mildly charged volts it completely fried him via the testicles. Thats how the cops found him, porn on, pants down and a pair of sizzling balls. The stench was pretty bad apparently.
    What a great story.

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  29. That was TO Good.... Made ME Blush...

    A Once-A-day-religious-regular...

    :-D

    Ra.

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  30. And, Mr Dinesh K. reminded me of this Hunk of a gentleman...

    Go, Submerge yourshalf in his loveship.

    http://www.orkut.com/Community.aspx?cmm=7325602

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  31. i forsee a mass movement going against WOMEN ...men have revolted as they realised WE dont need them !!!!!!

    HEY, r u bicurious !!!! ?

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  32. men can have multiples too !!
    if they try !!

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  33. I'm agree that sex toys are nice things. I've tried shuch a thing recently. And I was happy.

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  34. I have a rabbit, LOVE IT. Very expensive. I got scared though because I read about chemials in the plastic. I have a new glass one and will invest in a stainless steel one next. The glass one is Pyrex from www.LoveMeNaturally.com. awesome.yum.girl toys rock.

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  35. I don't think you should ever get embarrased about sex toys i mean so many people around the world are using them. Just most people don't talk about it is all.

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  36. I am dreaming of the juicy pussy u wd be having as u are experienced and totally "invovlved" in sexual stuff. Hope to Fuck you and blow da trumpets. take care.

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