The dating whirl, my darlings, she said, with a sigh, is not as easy as it appears. Or, try not easy at all. One tries, of course, one must, one even deludes oneself that there are a bare minimum of decent datable men in this city that one has not already saturated, but, ohhhhhhh, if only they would make it a little easier for me.
I think each man I meet should either fill out a questionnaire or have a pre-filled questionnaire with a list of all possible things that could rule him out. Not into a "relationship"? Go to point D. A complete fuckwit? Go to end. Can you at least promise good sex? No? Please turn over. So long and thank you for your interest in dating me. Due to the large volume of calls and applications, you are, at this point, not on the waiting list. Try again in a couple of years.
There isn't a large volume of calls and applications at all. In fact, the volume of calls and applications can be best described as a trickle. And that's on a good day. Erm, make that a good month. So the men I meet can be broadly divided into two categories: a) the ones I may want to/definitely want to see again and b) the ones I cannot imagine myself with, no matter how much I use my imagination. And I have a fairly active imagination, as you can imagine. (Heh, just got that after I typed it). In the last couple of months, category a has been divided into meh and okay-perhaps.
What distinguishes the meh from the okay-perhaps? Well, since most of these Boys/Experiments/Ways To Assert Sexuality are usually only after ONE thing and one thing alone, breaking them down is fairly easy. I just have to rely on my own groin flutters to figure out whether or not this is happening.
But groin flutters can be unpredictable. You could have a flutter at the beginning of an evening, when he comes to pick you up (which, by the way? ALWAYS wins brownie points from me) but then he could screw up ALL the groin flutters by picking his nose (amazingly, a lot of men do this. It's a little odd. Do they think I can't see them? Do they think it looks like they're just rubbing their noses? Because I can totally see like the fingers going in and stuff. Ick.) On the other hand, I could decide very early in the evening that I just wasn't attracted to the dude, and then, something in the evening could bring on serious butterflies. Like the other night, I went out with this dude, friend-type, and I had pretty much decided earlier that I wouldn't flirt with him, but then he leaned over to kiss me hello and I got a whiff of whatever cologne he was wearing, and oh. The evening was suddenly filled with sparkly, spangly excitement. Such fun when that happens.
Then, the more tricky part. The carrying it over from just groin flutters to Doing Something About It. That can be most tough. First of all, who kisses who first? And if the guy seems too chicken to make a move, do you lean in for a kiss, even though that might implicate you as someone who is, um, up for anything? Or do you drop steamier and steamier hints and watch him turn awkward and shy? And why the FUCK are they turning awkward and shy anyway? Damn metrosexuality. Completely ruined gender roles.
But, if the guy decides to own his balls and be all proactive, then there's the How Far Will You Go question. Personally, I never got the whole I-won't-kiss-on-the-first-date theory. Because sometimes the chemistry only exists on the first date, and by the time the second one rolls around it could be GONE. And since I am being the boy, I also want to get into people's pants, but unfortunately I'm a girl so I have all these totally girl type emotions and feelings and oh will he respect me tomorrow. Meh. And making out, I can tell you, is only fun when there's chemistry.
SO. Anyway. It's not really as exciting as it sounds, because there are like days and weeks without activity and then suddenly, three engagements in a row, but not quite so often as I would like. But, I'm having a good time. Enjoying the singledom. Enjoying the flirting and the raised eyebrows and the things you only imply but don't say, and doing repertoire of geisha type expressions with new people.
I think, then, beloved readers, the trick to this whole thing is to be detached. Like amused spectator. Like fond godparent. Or something. Zen-like I wait and see and the universe's goodness slowly unfolds. Well, a little anyway. I'm still a good girl, after all.
Related edit type thing: The first of my "extra" posts is up over at ibibo. I'm going to make this a regular feature, with different posts over there from here. I hope you like it. :)
I went out on semi-date with this guy once, I think it was this summer, and we went to a club, where there was dancing and I don't dance, unless I'm very drunk, which I wasn't this night, so I stood around near the bar and smiled as he shook his thang next to me and I swear to god, he made these low, grunting unh-unh noises with each butt thrust.Read more here.