27 October 2006

Daaaaaaaay tripper!


(Posted here first!)

* You know summer is officially over when..
1) The waiters start asking you whether you want ice in your drink, instead of just bunging it in.

2) There is a low lying mist over the cement rooftops when you wake up in the morning.

3) You start turning the fan speed down from four to two.

4) You start pulling out all the long sleeved clingy tops you had retired to the back of your cupboard and are contemplating opening the "winter clothes bundle" in Tall's closet.

5) You curl your fingers around mugs of hot coffee and feel distinctly full of well-being.

* You know your twentyfifth birthday is coming closer when..

1) You stay home more often because you just want to sleep.

2) You have a horrible old woman cough which isn't going.

3) You fantasise about marrying Future Mr. eM in Neemrana with lots of booze and pretty people.
a) You no longer think you're too young to get married.
b) Your mother's matchmaking offers sound appealing in weak moments of angst.
c) You think you're outgrowing the Angry Young Men you keep meeting.

4) You read a Femina article about how wrinkles start appearing after you hit your twenties and start massaging your skin upwards every time you lotion in the morning.

5) You think you look pretty damn good for your age.

Sigh.

* You know you have ARRIVED in the internet space when..

(only one point) You get Skype! Yay! And chat with beloved Hobo in London for two hours! And the world is shrinking!

* You know your house is your home when...

1) You realise you've been living there for an entire YEAR. Wow.

2) You love just hanging out at home, feet up, watching Grey's Anatomy on your laptop.

3) When you visit your OLD home, your ORIGINAL home, where your mother lives, you realise you miss a lot of the conveniences you have in your new home. Like having a TV that broadcasts more than three channels you like to watch.

4) You're proud of it, and like showing it off to other people.

5) Your flatmates know everything about you, and that's okay. Even the fact that they see you in the morning, hair on end and squinchy eyed is okay. And that's a pretty big step.

* You know you hate the rest of the world that isn't Delhi when..

1) You realise you have lost two friends to London, one to Washington DC, and will shortly lose one to Hamburg.

2) And it's not like exotic destinations are the only things beckoning them away--you might soon find yourself minus one friend because of bloody Bombay.

3) As a result you are desperately trying to make new friends, as fast as you can.

4) Meh.

* You know you're only funny when you have a keyboard in front of you when..

Conversations like this one happen with old friend.

Chitgo: so do u want anything from pakistan?
me: yes!
Chitgo: ?
pray tell.
me: something nice
and thoughtful
Chitgo: hmmm
ok
me: :)
Chitgo: i dont know if they have that in the shops there
me: :P
something MEANINGFUL
and pakistani
Chitgo: ok
ill think of something
me: yay!
you rock
Chitgo: i know
hey! its ur party this saturday isnt it?
me: yes
and you can't make it :(
sigh
Chitgo: i know :(
will stil try though
its ok if im not in costume right?
me: well TRY to be in costume
anything
even wind a turban around your head
just try and not look normal
which should be easy for you
:)
Chitgo: hahah so obvious
u could do better than that
:)
me: it was begging to be said
it said please eM
please please please
Chitgo: hahahaha
even though i am an obviously cracked, overly used, horse flogged joke
me: it looked so sad
Chitgo: please 'say my name' one last time as i drown in the sadness of my own ubiquity
me: no one used it anymore
it went where old jokes go to die
all old and crumpled
would you deny that?
Chitgo: u saved it from its humourless grave
me: would you?
i did
i am saviour type person
Chitgo: u saviour u
me: like the second coming or something
jokement day
Chitgo: hahahahah
me: repent all ye punners!
repent!
Chitgo: let the fury of my ageless argon strike ye down with not so funny force
jokement day
guffaw
me: *looks up argon quickly
Chitgo: hahahahaha
*argon was a mythical dragon
* not too many people know that
*feels kind of foolish as he made argon up right now
me: a colorless, odorless, chemically inactive, monatomic, gaseous element that, because of its inertness, is used for filling fluorescent and incandescent lamps and vacuum tubes. Symbol: Ar; atomic number: 18; atomic weight: 39.948.
which is what i thought it was
Chitgo: HAHEHAEHAEAHEAHEHEAHEAHAEHEAH
me: but dragon works
Chitgo: lol
yeah its just dragon spellt differently
without the d
so its like argon-d
like dragonball-z
me: the organdy even!
Chitgo: hahaha
me: ooooh, it's a girl dragon
with eyelashes
which blink
Chitgo: no its not
me: yes it is
Chitgo: girl dragons dont do much
me: girl dragons can be fierce
and roary
Chitgo: balls
me: like yours have done you a big fat good
:P
Chitgo: they sit around bitching about the diminishing flames of their boyfriends
me: he was an old flame
the spark has gone
Chitgo: my balls are quite the vanquishing heroes, thank u very much.
hahaha
me: come on baby light my fire
Chitgo: yeah thats like the 'lets get it on' for dragons
me: your.. balls? are vanquishing heroes?
Chitgo: yes
me: like with lances?
Chitgo: arthur and sir lancelot
me: and horses?
Chitgo: only one lance
me: huh
Chitgo: to bind them and to rule them all
ha
me: good to know
Chitgo: hahahahaa
yeah if they challenge u to a duel randomly in the middle of a club
dont be surprised
just say your last prayers
me: and i'm assuming fair women are rescued
Chitgo: well, fair and worthy
me: oh i couldn't be challenged
Chitgo: rescued from dragons
me: i have no lance
Chitgo: would u kneel?
HAEHAHEHAAEHEAHAE
me: it is in my chaddi drawer :)
Chitgo: in my case i dont knight, i 'mount'
me: oh cheee
you are so DURRTY
tsk tsk
Chitgo: hahahahaha
ur laughing
me: i am laughing
you are right
but it's still dirty
Chitgo: sure
and u ofcourse bathe daily in the holy ganga naa?
my little puritan
me: i bathe in the yamuna
that might account for the third arm i seem to have grown
hmmmmm
Chitgo: yikes
me: but i am pure
Chitgo: hmmm three arms
me: i am virginal
i have halo even
Chitgo: yeah and im the pope's bastard child
me: REALLY
Chitgo: yeah
me: does he know
Chitgo: no
im planning to tell him during the assasination
what a way to go
me: when you say our father you really mean MINE ALL MINE YOU SOBS
Chitgo: i am your son
me: luke, i ammmm your faaaaaaaaather
noooooooooooooooooooo
Chitgo: hahahahaha
me: *pwussssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Chitgo: pwush?
me: (that was falling down noise)
Chitgo: dude
where do u fall?
on a bed of neatly laid dandilions?
me: it is whistling through sky noise
Chitgo: nonsense
me: then when you land you go crunchity crunch
splaaaaaaaaaat
Chitgo: splaat?
is this batman and robin revisited?
biff baam boom
me: like an extended splat
Chitgo: tananananananaananana BATMAN
me: holy ravioli!
but i would pwush
i would splat even
i'm so blogging this conversation

Well, WE thought we were funny. And incredibly talented and witty too. So there.

24 comments:

  1. And so this drama continues.

    Strangely, I know of two weddings at Neemarana this year.

    Any good?

    ReplyDelete
  2. ive been reading your space for a couple months now and i find myself absolutely fascinated by your life and tranversaly, by you. I shall therefore dedicate the rest of my life to finding you. I shall leave no stone unturned, no corner unchecked, no alley...oooh lunch's here!!

    fyi, the perfect girl seems just as ellusive as the perfect guys you outline in so many of your posts...so will perform ritual involving several pigeons, a guitar, last night's rajma and one drop of sweat off the back of an african tribal princess!!

    will let you know the outcome :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. although you did not ask or anything

    but you write very well(is it because you are paid for writing ?!)

    nonetheless even better are your choice of illustrations accompanying your blog

    ReplyDelete
  4. i'll wait for the post here. hate the fucking creepazoid smileys in the sidebar on ibibo or whatever it's called.

    umm we had this Angry Young Men conversation yesterday, didn't we? you're sick of them because they whine, when me, who dates Good Boys, expects them to rant. because ranting has a macho quality whereas whining is well.....it's what scrotu does. and we both wanna switch, rather swap the sort of men we date. we'll still have disasters on our hands. don't forget that, they are men at the end of the day. the less you expect, the happier you will be. hah! KAPOW! Gurrrrrrlllllll Powaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (btw that was a fun 2 hr phone call. it's been ages since i had one of those with a girliefriend! and pieces also found her bearings and msg'd today)

    ReplyDelete
  5. And oooo i hate being so poor.found this new pair of spectacles, prada, wine red, divine. but they're exorbitantly overpriced. at least 3 extra days of work at the shop.
    i'm gonna do it. they're soooooooooooooo pretty!!!! why do i walk in to these stores when i have no money btw?
    .............
    there's something wrong with me.

    ReplyDelete
  6. couldn't resist..so just went over there and made the haj, crossed the rubicon etc etc....if its ure blood f**kin "papi pete" that took you there....can't blame you...but the ibibo search is so goddam horrible...may be eric shmidt should throw some moolah at you to stay here...hell even some “mullahs” if he’s short changed ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. hai dear, reconise me no?
    i am ur admire frm kottayam agen.
    very good that u r leving rabits and planing 4 marrage now. plese u think 4 my prpose also. i am onest, humbel and hansome simpel man. now i am not angery tipge felow.
    i wrote loooooong coment 4 u, but simpely this useles wabsite is delete it when submiting.
    how r u my sweete?
    u r so snoby. i am puting hand for hanshake only okie? not for bad porpos. why u do not make new freind.
    hai oldie. i am tesing only , 4 ur 25 yrs oldie. do not be upset mlie. chee chee chee who will mary oldie?
    plese you say somthing back now. i am so nice. waiting ur respose deerey.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Em...I might start falling in love with you...or with you writting...I'm not sure sure which one. I almost spilt my coffee over my key board. You should have put up a 'recomended -
    donot read at work' sign beside the title...By the way, what is this about 'your leaving rabits' thing that the mallu boy mentioned? Is there something you are not telling us Em? rabits...!!!???

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hey bobo, this conversation seem vaguely familiar??

    ooo, what if i make rampant typos over here, y'know, just to get the wordstapos' goat (heil meine Fuhrerin!)

    ReplyDelete
  10. anon: i don't know! i've never been! :)

    pranav: sadly, it seems finding me is no longer hard. while i *like* the fact that the world is shrinking, i also can't stand it. :)

    ir: thanks :) and no, i like to think i write well even when i'm NOT getting paid, but i'll be all modest and not say so.

    hobo: hahahaha, yeah, i don't think i could date a drama queen anymore. sad. i used to be so, so TOLERANT in my youth. and yes, that conversation was excellent and if you can talk pieces into getting skype too, we can all pour ourselves a drink in our respective cities and have a girls night out. :) prada spectacles? my, my, i have such POASH friends.

    anon 2: i'm assuming the commenter over there is you, yes?

    Dinesh: i'm not quite sure how to respond really, because if you take this as a sign of encouragement i'm screwed, but your comments really are most amusing, and yet, i suspect you might be someone i know taking the piss. right. i'm on the fence about this one. someone else want to take the call?

    sujatha: thanks :) and re: rabbit, see the previous post.

    zaphod: MY POST! MY POST! TALK TO ME!

    hmph.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hilarious as always! But eM you gave me nazar didn't you! A skeleton from my closet found my blog and I had to go into blogger protection program and change my identity! :(

    Anyhoo.. im adding you to my favourite links if you dont mind. I know i can just go ahead and do it, im just being polite :)

    ~ Geek Goddess (aka November's child)

    ReplyDelete
  12. heh.
    actually, who am i kidding? that was hilarious. i like this chitgo boy muchos.

    ReplyDelete
  13. drat! why must you write about turning 25? turning 27 is bad enough without someone to remind you that even people younger than you worry about getting old and being lonely

    ReplyDelete
  14. touche anon 3..some of us are turning 30....snif

    ReplyDelete
  15. Rahul Gandhi's cell number:9871098011

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hey Anon...Growing pains for rahul gandhi too ??

    ReplyDelete
  17. that's my cell phone number - not rahul gandhi's.

    ReplyDelete
  18. This is my new favourite blog, wish I'd discovered it sooner. Just so you know.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hallo sweetey thanks u 4 encourage. aiyo what is it about taking piss? i am sorry 4 not geting ur slangs simpely ur joking.
    pls u write some nice things 4 me in nextime okie/ i am onest fellow so y make fun?
    waiting ur resepons deerey

    ReplyDelete
  20. and u actually put that conversation here??!!! and AND there are people who actually READ the whole damn conversation!!! people are bored!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I couldn't. I have the all focus of a 3 yr old

    ReplyDelete
  22. And now you must get married there!

    http://doesthisthat.blogspot.com/2006/12/neemrana.html

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for your feedback! It'll be published once I approve it. Inflammatory/abusive comments will not be posted. Please play nice.