(Inspired by this song and the fact that one is now newly single)
* Hold your breath. Count to three. Release.
* Take on more stories than you can handle. Talk about work as soon as you wake up.
* Don't blink for longer than you have to.
* Watch television for three hours at a stretch.
* Don't sing.
* Don't dance.
* Don't make any sudden movements.
* Keep your body close and tight. Keep your mind even closer.
* Sleep fitfully. Have nightmares about giant green hands from the sky scooping up people by a beach. Wake up by moonlight and smoke a cigarette.
* Laughing will hurt. Keep it to a smile.
* Let your smile stretch till your jaw hurts and you don't know what you're smiling about anymore.
* Eat a lot.
* Eat nothing at all.
* Rationalise, rationalise, rationalise.
* Never date again.
* Stop thinking about sex.
* Don't watch the rain.
* Contemplate joining a gym.
* Contemplate joining a convent.
* Contemplate going home again.
* Avoid happy couples.
* Avoid happy people.
* Close your eyes. Count to three. Jump.
I'll be just fine. Eventually.