My latest book is The One Who Swam With The Fishes.

"A mesmerizing account of the well-known story of Matsyagandha ... and her transformation from fisherman’s daughter to Satyavati, Santanu’s royal consort and the Mother/Progenitor of the Kuru clan." - Hindustan Times

"Themes of fate, morality and power overlay a subtle and essential feminism to make this lyrical book a must-read. If this is Madhavan’s first book in the Girls from the Mahabharata series, there is much to look forward to in the months to come." - Open Magazine

"A gleeful dollop of Blytonian magic ... Reddy Madhavan is also able to tackle some fairly sensitive subjects such as identity, the love of and karmic ties with parents, adoption, the first sexual encounter, loneliness, and my favourite, feminist rage." - Scroll



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17 April 2008

As I was saying the other day: one third psychologist, one third drinking buddy and one third sex goddess. What more do you need?

(updated: I will be in Singapore this weekend to be on a panel on blogging and user-generated content and so on. Wheeeeeeeeeeee! I'm so excited! I've never been to Singapore! The live feed is here and you can actually log in and ask questions to the panelists real time. Super fancy! See ya'll Monday.)


I Need Help! (Installment the first)


Hi eM

Straight away coming to the topic; I need a help from you….to fulfill my love.
I'm an HR executive, working in a s/w company in Bangalore. 7 months back I came across with a girls profile with photograph, she is also a Keralite like me, and now staying in UAE. The face fascinated me unbelievably, as somebody I was waiting for long. Yes…. I fell in Love, as never before, and now im spending a lot of time thinking of her.

But I really had no idea how to proceed. At last I sent her a mail (few months back), without revealing anything, I requested her friendship (I can hear you calling me ‘stupid’). She didn’t even reply.

Then I decided to wait till my parents start searching girls for me, but it will be tooo late, im sure.

Now Im thinking of sending a mail straight away, by revealing everything, but again Im afraid. I don’t know what she will think of me while getting such a mail. If I lost this chance too, I cannot approach her one more time.

Before finishing- myself; too poor in girls’ psychology, in school and college, I haven’t mingled much with girls, i don’t even have sisters.

I haven’t discussed this issue with my friends or room mates. First time I am telling it to somebody. I see you as a person who can help me. Please pleeeeese advice me, don’t ignore. Im waiting.

Hopefully
Sleepless In Bangalore


Dear Sleepless,

First, sorry for making you wait for so long, but you know, real life type things have been keeping me quite occupied (major news for you guys in the next post). But, see, see, I got around to it!

Okay, so you're in a bit of a pickle. You like this girl, but she never responded to your emails or anything and now you're in a quandry. Might I point out though that you've never met her? And to fixate on a photograph (really, because how much of this is based on her 'about me' section?) might be setting yourself up for disappointment, no?

Sleepless, dude, I see men like you all the time. I see them on my Facebook and Orkut friends request pages. I see them in my inbox and in my comment section. And, I'm sorry to say, I usually reject them. Because, hear me out before you get all mad and close this page, girls like to know they're more than just pretty faces. They go for good opening lines, for something that reveals that you've been paying attention. You might be in love with her, sure, but how does she know you don't want to just get into her pants?

Here's my advice, Sleepless. Forget this girl. Meet someone real, in REAL LIFE, perhaps at your job or through a friend. Spend some time knowing what makes her tick, what her favourite colour is and whether you like the same music and how many children you want and so on. Also, if the Object Of Your Affections (OOYA) is in the UAE, how do you expect it to work? Long distance relationships RARELY work, and only when the couple has a strong past, take it from a pro. If you continue to pursue her she could either a) ignore your emails; b) block you from sending any more or worst case scenario c) report you for harrassement. Do you want that? I think not.

Go get a drink tonight, Sleepless. Bangalore's a great city, I've heard and you won't meet anyone sitting at home surfing the internet.

xoxoxox

eM

(For advice, a bitchslap or a backpat email me: thecompulsiveconfessorATgmailDOTcom)



48 comments:

  1. Don't create a new problem...

    Now that you have problem with growing boobs (and you are half mallu), better try your hand in mallu films...you will fit shakeela's profile...

    ReplyDelete
  2. "take it from a pro", "i reject them"................ haha. what a facade.

    it really has been a long time since you got laid, for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  3. That's sound advice. Though you could've saved the trouble by typing in just three words: Get a life.

    ReplyDelete
  4. try approaching HT. heard Kim Sharma has had enough of her agony aunt column.

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  5. oh boo hoo, poor little me, i'm so DEMORALISED by random anonymice who are too chickenshit to post under their own names that i think i WILL follow their advice and a)join mallu films or b)ruminate on how long it's been since i had sex.
    or, i could, you know, just tell you to fuck off my blog.

    yeah, i like that. fuck off my blog.

    ReplyDelete
  6. hey eM!
    you are pretty good at this!and the anon brigade,take advice from everyone who loves this blog and shag off!

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  7. minor point, though i think a crucial piece of info left out is exactly where SiB found the woman's profile. hm.

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  8. This AnonyMouse is interesting. Makes me wonder if it is 'Sleepless in Bangalore' doing an about-turn and fixating on you instead? Wooohoohoo...you've got a creepy-stalky-admirer, baby!!!

    Rat-poison margheritas, anybody?
    :-D

    ReplyDelete
  9. Good advice for the Sleepless Guy. Why don't guy's understand that when they randomly stalk you and send you e-mails, it's not romantic or sweet....it's creepy!

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  10. To the anonymous cowards: just fuck off. There is always some random prick to comment on either the photo in the vanita article or the boobs and shakeela. What the fuck?! Chances are Shakeela had more balls than your mothers and sisters. Show some respect. Shakeela lived her life on her own terms, which is more than most of you guys can ever dream off, you fucking wanks. Just because someone has to shed their clothes off so that you and your fathers can jerk off, doesn't mean that you have the right to belittle them.

    To eM: I have been reading your blog ever since I came across the Vanita interview, and I enjoy reading your posts. I believe, what you are doing, is important. Indian women don't usually express themselves so honestly, and I wish more of them did. (Although things are changing :) I should also confess that sometimes I read your posts just to see how the female mind works and I find that amusing. It always makes me chuckle. So thank you for writing and please continue to do so. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. haha fuck me. your comments section is far more interesting that your posts.

    @anon 4:43

    dude, for trash like agony aunt column to sell (in papers that is), the "aunt" should have a pretty face. believe me, Ms. Reddy's face is not even a tenth as pretty as Kim Sharma's.

    ReplyDelete
  12. my my.....someone's got pissed. all we "anonymice", disclose our identities and she will track the fuck down, motherfukin last one of us.

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  13. sex-fuckin-goddess. boy, are you something!!!!!!!?????????????

    ReplyDelete
  14. wow.if you get your kicks in life pretending to be a big scary opinionated bully in anonymous comment spaces you must REALLY need to get laid, get a life and stop projecting, yes?


    "Object Of Your Affection (OOYA)" - hahaha...you crack me up!killer advice though. Hope sleepless gets some sleep.

    ReplyDelete
  15. All the anon comments only prove one thing - all lame guys can't take rejection well.

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  16. Hey but on a serious note.. u seriously make a better agony aunt than Kim Sharma. I can guarantee that I can get you a fighting chance. And am sure you'll look far more glamourous than her..(which is a strange requirement) to be an agony aunt.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Good god !

    Now will this blog be filled with such emails and answers ??

    Effing hell !! I am not here for such crap , i need something good to read !

    Em, the advice was good and perfect , but please , dont do this here . Create another blog or something , but not here ! For F's sake !

    ReplyDelete
  18. Was Sleepless in Bangalore the actual moniker used, or something you came up with?

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  19. Sigh. Who the hell is Shakeela? Why does her name keep popping up these days? Why is this anonymous guy obsessed with her? Why do all victims of rampant unemployment obsess over her? There is so much I don't know.

    Sameer

    ReplyDelete
  20. Em,
    Hey I think could not find a good topic to post?..
    Y u select this pseudo mail it shud be run to Recycle BIN..!!!!???

    Some punch sentence Quoted here:-

    1)how does she know you don't want to just get into her pants?
    2)if the Object Of Your Affections (OOYA) is in the UAE, how do you expect it to work?
    3)Long distance relationships RARELY work, and only when the couple has a strong past, take it from a pro.

    Signature is Strong

    4)xoxoxox

    eM

    and last 5) Caption ..Its Quadratic--

    I am Proving or U.....

    If ax^2 +bx = c ....a,b and c are consatnts and x is the variable...

    Yes...Psycologist-A, Drnking Budy-B and Sex Goddess-C and MEEEEEEEEEEEEE is the Variable..

    ReplyDelete
  21. I read your blog today and for the first time i thought was reading a stupid women's mag or something. STOP DOING THIS and get back to your old self. Reply to their mails. Should be enough.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hey, congrats on the Singapore pannel thingy. Im looking forward to it.

    ReplyDelete
  23. here and in the past the ultimate insult on this blog seems to be "go get laid".. or you haven't got laid....actually. i haven't got laid in a very long time, longer than most.. i am quite a happy person. why is that such a problem for people here? is it that big a deal? I had no idea. and does getting laid make you less aggressive, start talking sense, more insightful? What? and why does eM get defensive about it. does she subscribe to "I got laid therefore i am philosophy"? hmm!!!! interesting!

    ReplyDelete
  24. 'Anonymice' is wonderful word! And reading the varied anonymice here was fun too. The last one I think made an interesting point.

    PS: Like the way you handled the advice without being condescending.

    ReplyDelete
  25. bride:
    Don't encourage them. Then they'll think you like them, and come to your blog - and then get disappointed, because you don't think women who sleep around should be called sluts.

    ReplyDelete
  26. You made it to singapore? You sure you're not in zimbabwe or raanchi?

    ReplyDelete
  27. what wrong with being a sex goddess? it sounds alright to me. and saying it loud is fine too...no? seriously *modesty* is over-rated!
    sound advice girl. I think this whole *fallin in love* wid a picture is due to the overload of stooopid bollywood movies! seriously! its gotto stop!
    n speaking of bollywood- its ridiculous to call a coupla hindi movies that (doesn't even represent 1/3 of the nation) after the famous H...whats goin on with us? colonial hangover?

    ReplyDelete
  28. Man I really fucking don't get men sometime!
    They are from a different planet all together, here is this romantic fool that we only know exists in the movies, (cause really who acts this way anyways?) That is surrounding his whole existence around a woman he hasn't even met, and then there are the men I meet, a special breed of callous. Neither is healthy.
    Good advice though, keep in going.

    ReplyDelete
  29. sound advice,though u cud have avoided posting it here..cos the "romantic fool" doesnt deserve this much space!!and one more thing long distant relationships work.....u know why????????:)

    ReplyDelete
  30. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  31. "OOYA" = haha
    "fuck off my blog" = hahaha
    the rest = blppllssssssst

    please dont start an agony aunt column with such boring mails... ur blog is way way too good to include such stuff! :(

    ReplyDelete
  32. hey eM, agony aunt is a bad idea man....not that interesting....drop the plan

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  33. did nobody ever consider that he COULD actually get this chick? :) With a little behavioural modification and some interesting coversation.

    ReplyDelete
  34. i vote yes for you giving advice to people.
    but i'd vote no for posting it on your blog.
    the original content is far more interesting.

    :)
    a regular here.

    ReplyDelete
  35. heheh....you're being compared to Shakeela and Kim Sharma at the same time...you poor girl ;)

    ReplyDelete
  36. hahahahahhaa! People need help! I think some of them need professional help and not good old agony aunt treatment! Jeeez! How much time do these guys have?! And how headfucked can they be to come up with such crap!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Oh! and congratulations on the Singapore trip - please shop! And get a nice foot massage! Eat sushi too! Its awesome! :)

    ReplyDelete
  38. Dear anonymous , being abusive or rude/chauvinistic is definitely not the way to enter her pants... Do come back as someone nice,someone courteous ,someone who is witty and all the space between her legs is all yours...

    Wish you all the best ;)

    ReplyDelete
  39. I agree with Christiano. But check what Georgie has to say about it as well.

    ReplyDelete
  40. I agree with Khizzy, keep advising, but not on this blog...
    also, i think u should be selective in what letters you decide to put up on ur blog...some of them are ridiculous...

    SIB dude....we've heard from everybody except u....did the advice help? or did it piss u off? did u come back as one of these anon people??

    ReplyDelete
  41. It is exceptionally possible to have good long distance relationships! But not when you dont the peson- those relationships need foundation and alot of work but they are VERY worth it!

    ReplyDelete
  42. I will call you "Dear friend". It is the first time I'm reading your blog.Sorry,I got internet connection on last week,it is just similar to how you got the mobilephone.
    I got inspiration to write my own blog from you.You are my"Guru". I had told about you to my lover.But he looked at me doubtfully and gave an advice "don't try to follow her". You don't consider that, because he is selfish on me.
    I want your advice to write a blog. Because I'm from Kerala,our culture, already you know that,will not allow a girl to write anything she want. But I don't care that. I have alot to say to the world,the feeling of a 17 year old girl.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Here's my advice:
    Dear Sleepless
    Though she has never responded to your mails or acknowledged your existence, it's quite possible that she has feelings for you.
    All you have to do now is prove that you truly love her.
    Cut off a small body part - an ear or a finger - and send it to her.
    And soon your prayers will be answered.

    ReplyDelete
  44. I too have had photo and profile fixations ;-) You have given a genuine answer that works!!!

    ReplyDelete
  45. if u like con movies.. you shd watch.. "the following"

    I think it is the cleanest movies ever shot.

    Worth a watch !

    ReplyDelete

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