12 September 2006
The Incredible Adventures Of Ms. Tiny Bladder
Hectic weekend. And rather strange too. Saturday night made plans with Iggy and her friend, Gaurav to go out somewhere that wasn't Elevate (I realise it might be old age--but I simply cannot do Elevate more than once every six months or so. It's still a fantastic nightclub, don't get me wrong, if you want to go clubbing in this city there's no better place, but maybe the whole HUGENESS of it all, the crowds, the vibrating dance floor, the nowhere to sit, the not recognising anyone, meh, it's just not my regular scene). I joined New Job earlier last week--Wednesday, I think it was, good lord, it already feels like much longer (!)--where I am *ahem* working as a blogger, thank you very much, on a new site, and it's all very cutting edge. Only it's in Gurgaon, which means by the time I get home, I'm too tired and too lazy to venture out again.
So, since it WAS Saturday, and since I HAD spent most of my day in bed, only getting out to watch some television, I thought that this was as good a time as any to start seriously clubbing again. Not like, throw on a t-shirt and go to TC, no, no, serious clubbing requires like make-up and a nice outfit, and stamina. I was vegging at my mom's this weekend, and so I drove to Iggy's house, where I parked my car and we waited for Gaurav to pick us up.
We were drinking at the Friend's Club (which is in Friend's Colony, right next to New Friend's Colony, which I always thought was such a funny name for a place. I mean, why name an entire place after your NEW friends? There's no OLD friend's colony. And before you say it, Friend's Colony doesn't count. It's just such a dumb name for a place, compared to all the beautiful evocative names Delhi has, like Hauz Khas or Nizamuddin or even nearby Maharani Bagh, Friend's Colony sounds like you let your 12-year-old neice, newly fitted up with braces, who paints her toes shocking pink and believes that lIfE iS No gOoD w/oUt ur PaLzzzzzzz name the place. Incidentally, New Friend's Colony was where I saw Friends for the first time, at Leela's house.) But I have no objections to the Friend's Club. None whatsoever. This is because they have cheap booze. And when I say cheap, I mean so cheap that you can't even buy a packet of cigarettes with how much money you'd spend there on two drinks. And it's not at all shady. In fact it's pretty posh, and, ooh, the coolest thing? Each table has a little brass bell that you ring for the waiter! (I got so excited about that I rang and rang and rang and rang until finally Gaurav took it away from me. "It's not a school bell," he said. And yes, you can look all murderous and go cough-colonial hangover-cough as much as you like, but I wish I always had a bell. By the end of it, several drinks down, I sang, "You can ring my be-he-ell, ring my bell" every time Gaurav picked it up.)
After Friend's Club, we were all very giggly as we piled into the car to go to Aura, where their friend Abhay was meeting us. Aura is super-expensive, being in a hotel and all, and I have 140 rupees in the bank, which I don't even think is legal, so I sat sadly in a striped chair that twirled (wheeeee) and watched these two firangs--the guy very bald, the girl in very tight cargos--dance around a chair, and two chicks feel each other up, and just when I thought all the guys around them were going to EXPLODE, they kissed long and lingeringly, but with a fair amount of defiance for a camera, and Gaurav turned to me, all shining eyes and I rolled my own, not-so-shining eyes at him and said, "Dude. What IS it with men and lesbians?" but he was all abbawibba for a bit and oh-they-were-quite-hot-weren't-they? and so there was no getting a well thought out response from him.
In a bit, I got up to go to the bathroom. My seven hundredth pit stop that evening, and as you might have figured out from the title of this post, it's a common problem, especially when I'm drinking. I figure out of every five drinks I drink, only about three stay in. It's terrible. So casually, I sauntered to the loo, stopping off first at the mirrors, to check I still looked okay, and then tugged at my jeans just so that they hung halfway off the tattoo, and then tra-la, started to fix my hair, well, not fix, since I don't have much of it, but you know, girl stuff. Over my shoulder, in the mirror, I saw a boy emerge, and I thought, oh, a boy, how nice and then OH, A BOY. He did a double take, I did a double take and then smiled and said gently, "Um.. I think you're in the wrong loo." No," he said, not quite so gently, "YOU'RE in the wrong loo." "Are you serious?" I said, and he shook his head, rather patronisingly at me and said, "Are you drunk?" "Uh.. not yet," I said and then he put his (unwashed) hands on my shoulders and steered me outside till I was facing the door which said, decidedly, in big, capital letters: GENTLEMEN. "Oh," I said, trying to smile and "Yeah," he said, trying not to. And then I vanished into my own loo, designated for my sex and I heard him laughing outside and telling some friends, "Dude, there was a chick in the men's room!" Shoot me now.
Later, Abhay showed up, and we decided Aura was pretty sad and moved to Agni. By this time, I was getting pretty tired, and really, a night without alcohol is boooooooooooring. So I started to make leaving noises, which were ignored and seeing as I didn't have a car, as it was safely and sensibly parked at Iggy's, I had not much choice but to go.
Agni was packed when we got there, and I kept getting stepped on or shoved aside and it was terrible. I was feeling, well, odd, by this time, very cranky and just wanting, more than anything else to go home and sleep for like a year. Things picked up a little when Abhay bought me a drink--a vodka Red Bull, which I love--and which I threw down my throat. The DJ started playing My Hump, and Iggy got up on the bar to dance, and before I knew what was happening, I was given a lift up too, banging my head on the iron lampshade, but still. There's something incredibly strip-tease-esque about dancing on a bar. I've never done it before, but I can so see the attraction. I'm not much of a dancer, usually, but with the crowd whistling from below us, and the music getting louder and faster, I managed to shake it like a polaroid picture on the bar, narrowly missing hitting my head again, and feeling so totally sexy.
And then I got down, and some guys came up to me and said, "You're the girl who was dancing on the bar?" And I was all uh-huh, bring it. Then I asked if we could go, seeing as it was 3 am and all, but no one was ready to leave yet, and I sighed and threw mini-tantrum and went outside to wait for them, and one minute I was muttering WHY can't we leave NOW and the next, well, I... started.. to cry. I know, right? I have no idea what happened. The tears just kept coming, and in my head I'm going, duuuuuuuuude, get a grip, but the more I'm telling myself to get a grip the more I'm going BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Still weeping like my best friend died, I went back in, where they took one look at me and ushered me outside, and got me a ride with someone else, and I'm pretty sure I freaked the two boys out so much, they're never going to want to hang out with me anymore. And in all this, some other dude is trying to hit on me. Such poor timing.
So yeah. I got home, still shaking my head at myself, and wondering why I was breaking down in the prime of my youth, and why couldn't I even conduct a simple Saturday night excursion without so obviously, acting like a three year old.
And then I slept through Sunday, waking up only to watch Cars and Toy Story 2.
And Wee Meme Update, because it's really way too small to be a post on its own:
And because Chamique asked so nicely. I don't understand though, is it weirdest Google search words ever or just today? I have several very strange ones, but mine change daily. Today's weirdest ones (so far) are:
1) expats in gurgaon looking for fun
2) female drag smoky french kiss
3) Slowly walking down the mall, faster than a cannonball
4) putting toothpaste on zits
5) twins and "TC" tattoo
6) compulsive confessor real name :) (keep looking!)
Ya, that's all that I can find. Lessee, who haven't I tagged in a bit? Jay (because I KNOW he has interesting searches), Jai (because he just posted pics of himself mud wrestling or some such, which MUST have thrown up a few good searches) and Pirate (because he recently wrote about hiding boners in boxer shorts and a sarong). Get to it, boys.