My latest book is The One Who Swam With The Fishes.

"A mesmerizing account of the well-known story of Matsyagandha ... and her transformation from fisherman’s daughter to Satyavati, Santanu’s royal consort and the Mother/Progenitor of the Kuru clan." - Hindustan Times

"Themes of fate, morality and power overlay a subtle and essential feminism to make this lyrical book a must-read. If this is Madhavan’s first book in the Girls from the Mahabharata series, there is much to look forward to in the months to come." - Open Magazine

"A gleeful dollop of Blytonian magic ... Reddy Madhavan is also able to tackle some fairly sensitive subjects such as identity, the love of and karmic ties with parents, adoption, the first sexual encounter, loneliness, and my favourite, feminist rage." - Scroll



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4 November 2007

The one in which I'm very drunk, so you should skip if you're looking for coherent reading

It's 4:14 in the morning and I am REALLY really really drunk. This is drunk blogging 2007, ladies and gentlemen, something I haven't done in a while, so if there are typos in this post, you must excuse me. Yeh Mera Deewanapan Hai is on the computer, from The Namesake, a song both Shark Tooth and I are tripping on right now. It was introduced to me for the first time by Deepti and Neel and another friend, and I remember one of the first times I was at their house, they played this song so many times the CD almost burnt out. I was with them all tonight, being in a funk-like state, so I drank a lot and said very little. Haiwaiian Shack is the place of my undoing, I realise, I was there last night with Chrisann and Sameer and I was just sitting around, minding my own business when suddenly, I burst into tears. Like, really burst. The two of them looked so bemused and embarrassed at my display of emotions, but they only patted my shoulder and looked so kind, it made me cry harder. And earlier tonight I was at Busaba, talking to Neel about boys and why I hate them, and I almost started to cry again. I'm turning into such a chick, I tell you.

The song has now changed to Tere Bin Nahin Lagda. I'm the DJ, this early morning, and you can clearly see my state of mind. I went to another party after Busaba, back in Bandra and made everyone come with me, something I'm feeling very guilty about now, because they all left in like half an hour, which means they only came to make me happy. Don't I have awesome friends? I do. Maybe it's the universe's way of compensating for my shitty relationship history. Volt was at this party, and he might even read this post, so I'm wondering how much my drunken inhibition will let me say. I can't say it. I tried. Let's just say I'm sado masochistic and in my friends opinions tomorrow morning, totally without dignity. Digless, as we used to say in boarding school. Isn't that a great phrase? I'm bringing it out of hiding. Use digless in a sentence today!

Now, it's Dooba dooba. I'm in a Hindi music phase today. Anon snarky commenters can suck my cock. Well, my metaphorical cock anyway. One assumes if I had a REAL cock, no one would pick on me so much anyway. Let's try and translate the song for my non-Hindi knowing readers. One line I like particularly translates into: No one knows, no one recognises, how this turned out this way, I drown, I drown in your eyes. Isn't it lovely? Why am I blogging so randomly I ask myself. It's a question that has no answers. Shortly I will disconnect and leave you with this evidence of the things I do when I'm drunk.

I think this is the right Mahiya. I'm using Shark Tooth's computer. No, it isn't. Let's find something suitably depressing. Ah, Romeo and Juliet by Dire Straits. Am I enjoying my wallowing? A little bit. The funny thing about break ups is that you think of all your other lovers, ALL of them, the ones that read this, the ones that don't, the ones I still love somewhere in my heart, the ones I don't have anything to say to anymore. The sweet Indian boy from the USA who kissed me back home in Delhi when I was 17 and didn't try anything else, the first boyfriend, the ones I tried to love so much in Bombay and in Delhi who didn't want to be loved.

All I do is kiss you---through the bars of a rhyme.

28 comments:

  1. that is true... why do are exes always slip into our thoughts unwarranted even when we don't want them anymore. Curious.

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  2. //All I do is kiss you---through the bars of a rhyme//
    Its true. incoherence when drunk and blogging away to glory is wonderful by itself.a great relief to the underlying pressures.Why not?
    Keep blogging,when drunk too !!
    TC
    CU

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  3. Babe!! U do look quite stunning despite all the fun u make of ur hair and ur skinny looks! U do look Fab! i just spilled my drink when my friend nudged me and told me that you were "The Em!" She knws u froms somewhere thru some friend u knws u and has met u brifely! Small world eh? I just completed reading all ur posts here and then i go out and i see u in person! Its called divine intervention as there is no such thing as coincidence! U do look much younger! Kudos to you!! u so-totally-rock!

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  4. Oh my. I always thought it was "through the bars of Orion" -- that's what the lyrics I looked up said. Sheesh.

    I like the Shack!

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  5. You skipped lines there...

    No one knows, no one recognises, how it turned out this way,
    The way you entered my dreams,
    O infidel! hear me, dont go!
    I stay drowned, I drown, in your eyes.

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. Cheer up, cheer up. And no, you dont have to be 'dipless'. You can just edit out your relationship details from your post for as long as you want. If your freaking life and your freaking blog.

    Do whatever, but cheer up!

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  8. Informative blog.
    A popular verse of the Gita advises "detachment" from the fruits or results of actions performed in the course of one's duty. Being dedicated work has to mean "working for the sake of work, generating excellence for its own sake." If we are always calculating the date of promotion or the rate of commission before putting in our efforts, then such work is not detached. It is not "generating excellence for its own sake" but working only for the extrinsic reward that may (or may not) result.
    Working only with an eye to the anticipated benefits, means that the quality of performance of the current job or duty suffers - through mental agitation of anxiety for the future. In fact, the way the world works means that events do not always respond positively to our calculations and hence expected fruits may not always be forthcoming. So, the Gita tells us not to mortgage present commitment to an uncertain future.

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  9. aww, u make me wanna cry! all the songs u mentioned have made brief appearances on my heart-break-playlist too....specially dooba dooba...brings back memories. and i'm glad u have awesome friends....isnt it lovely when they come out and get super-amazing when u really need them?? *cheers* to friends.

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  10. You're extremely self indulgent and self obsessed. That is probably justified for this particular post, but it may reveal to you why your relationships don't last.

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  11. god!! this was a drunk blog??? lolzz... quite coherent my dear... quite coherent!!

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  12. "No one knows, no one recognises, how this turned out this way, I drown, I drown in your eyes."

    LMAO....I guess you were drunk...hehe..good stuff, all the same.

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  13. I loved the last line btw..it made it all good..and u will be too..all tripey it sounds now! One always remembers the exes - its a human nature thing - without it how else can we get drunk and get nostalgic abt all the shit we have done in the past?

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  14. Hi eM - been hovering around for a while - have been sufficiently motivated to start a li'l one of my own : thedrunkndelhiite.blogspot.com - my first eva, so do be kind... :D

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  15. There's a song by Kurt Cobain (Nirvana) - Jesus Don't Want me for a Sunbeam..

    your post reminded me of that!

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  16. it is I, worry not there will be dry eyes at shack again...
    {{{{hug}}}}
    I will be back by sunday...with presents (note the s)
    you're getting birthday present diwali present and i'm-just-back-from-vaccation-present at one go...

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  17. I too have disappointed after hearing that you are the daughter of Sri.N.S.Madhavan, though initially before knowing before knowing about your inheritance I thought that you've got an attractive style of writing.

    But N.S.Madhavan is a great intellectual and writer. Non mallus can see the translated version of his stories in 'The Little Magazine'.

    Today In malayala manorama I saw a single sentence letter from N.S Madavan stating that your full name is meenakshi redddy madhavan and you are his only daughter. Due to some reason manorama had omitted the Madhavan part from your name.

    Of course,there is no meaning in moral policing.But I hope that you'd also reach places like your father if you change your focus from those people who are coming here only for some tickling sensation.

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  18. Hey. Check out this new blog novel. http://theaphrodisiac.blogspot.com

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  19. I absolutely agree..
    whenever u break up or your heart breaks a little..
    Every other time u screwed up comes to mind..
    esp the first boyfriend..
    I thought I was the only one..
    and I agree .. U don't sound drunk

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  20. 'The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
    But I have promises to keep,
    And miles to go before I sleep
    And miles to go before I sleep.'

    keep rocking .....

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  21. People come, people go. That's in their nature. Meanwhile you are getting drunk and out with friends. What more could you ask for? Well, maybe slightly more interesting songs but other than that..

    -Ins

    p.s. Romeo and Juliet is such a misunderstood song

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  22. That was v nice of your dad.

    (Re: Jeeth's comment)

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  23. i think most of us are embarrassed by the songs we listen to when we're drunk or thinking of exes.. lovely post as ever...

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  24. i hope that all your dreams dont come true .. because then you will have lived out every dream.. i hope that you dont recieve all the happinness in life.. cause then you will be unable to savour the happinness that does come your way..
    i hope that all your work is never published cause then you will have something to savour as your own..
    i hope that you die oneday.. so that life will never be a journey you HAVE to make ...
    i hope you dont meet all the right people.. cause then life will be fun..
    okay .. i think i should blog this .. rather than comment on it :P..
    but no this one's for you...
    have a nice life..
    btw -- even i am from bombay .. though not living there now... and
    its especially awesome that you describe a little bit of bombay in your blog...

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  25. i hope that all your dreams dont come true .. because then you will have lived out every dream.. i hope that you dont recieve all the happinness in life.. cause then you will be unable to savour the happinness that does come your way..
    i hope that all your work is never published cause then you will have something to savour as your own..
    i hope that you die oneday.. so that life will never be a journey you HAVE to make ...
    i hope you dont meet all the right people.. cause then life will be fun..
    okay .. i think i should blog this .. rather than comment on it :P..
    but no this one's for you...
    have a nice life..
    btw -- even i am from bombay .. though not living there now... and
    its especially awesome that you describe a little bit of bombay in your blog...

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  26. Hey eM...just loved this post of urs..ur statement abt loving someone someone who dint want to be loved got me to write a post on it...

    ReplyDelete

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