28 July 2011

Where have all the cowboys gone?

You guys, I am SOOOOOOOOO BORED. You know why I'm bored? I'll just come right out and admit it, I'm bored because I have no romance to speak of. Is this unfeminist and terribly 1950s of me? I don't give a shit. I like the not-being-able-to-eat-because-your-stomach-is-always-in-a-knot and the everytime-this-song-comes-on-I'll-zone-out-because-it-reminds-me-of-that-moment-you-cupped-my-chin-and-kissed-my-mouth. It has been ever so long since that last happened to me. Okay, yes, I've been having encounters, because Delhi is a city rife with tempation, even when, at almost thirty, you're all sitting on your hands and biting your tongue so you don't make a move on the delectable man who will be so wrong for you tomorrow but in that five red wines down moment, is just what you need. Yeah, I did sorta make a pact with myself, I was all, "No! I want a boyfriend! No more casual sex!" But see, that might be the thing. Boyfriend Material is in short supply. But! I've been good-er than I thought I would be! Bright side!

My new text message ringtone goes HA-LLE-LU-JAH! in a shiny way each time it pings, and this is very amusing to me, because I can almost see the clouds parting and this one giant finger reach down and touch my cellphone, but more often than not it's someone offering me this absolutely incredible plot down near the Noida golf links, and not what I want to see, which is very simply, "Hey, dinner on Saturday? I'll pick you up at 8." The good old fashioned date. The date where you perfume the back of your knees, and wear your nice underwear, even though you shouldn't, because wearing nice underwear will undo any chance you have of playing hard to get and leaving with a cheek kiss. I'm terrible at the hard to get thing. I'm trying though. I haven't texted any one (and I mean boy anyones) first in the longest time. In many ways, the yoga I've been doing for the last two months is sort of helping me be all calmcalmcalm and zenzenzen but then since this is still me, who should really change the title of her blog to The Compulsive Obsessor, I lay my phone next to my laptop and gaze at it, like they teach you in yoga, to concentrate on one thing and I whisper to it, "Message."
I don't think this is what my instructor had in mind. Clearly, my amazing mind control powers still have some way to go before they develop.

(OH MY GOD, JUST AS I TYPED THAT, MY PHONE WENT HALLELUJAH.)

(I will now Live Blog about checking it.)

(Don't get too excited though.)

(Stupid smart phones are so fucking sloooooooooooow.)

Argh. This from Mother's Pride, a school that has been sending me spam for the longest time, and that I will now NEVER send my children to. They've opened their 41st branch. Yay. Rah-rah. Hmph.

ANYway. As I was saying. The good old fashioned date. The one that begins with a phone call asking you out in a civilised fashion (meaning: two days from the day it was sent, for an acceptable time--because anyone who asks you out post-11 pm is really just looking for a booty call) I'm not too fussed about where we would go, because I just like there to be drinks, and then after, if he was dropping me home, there'd be a text waiting for me when I woke up the next morning, just to say hello, and he had a nice time, and we should meet again that coming week. Does this not happen anymore? Do you really have to specify what you'd call an acceptable date? I mean, before you jump to conclusions, boys, it's not about how much money you spend or where you go, or what kind of car you drive. It'd be okay if you arrived in an auto rickshaw, and we went and picked up some kebabs from your favourite place and a cheap but good bottle of wine and we chilled somewhere. The point is, showing some respect. I'm not saying we should get married tomorrow (or ever) but it would be nice to think that you saw me as having a little bit more to offer than just a body. Like, I play too casual, I know, I'm very undemanding, my girlfriends tell me this is a bad thing, but I'm not going to be one of those women who is all, "Why didn't you call me at 2, when you said you were going to?" which is okay, but it also means a lot of people you date or try to date wind up taking you a bit for granted. Maybe some amount of high maintanence-ness is a necessary evil. I may not say anything to any of these men, so they think I'm just as casual about our rendezvous as they are, but when you get to your eleventy billion no-text-the-next-day it gets so tedious, that you're willing to give up dating forever. Which I did. And then you get bored. Which is where I am. Vi.Ci.Ous. Cy.Cle. It makes you unhappy. It makes you bitter. It makes you choke out dry little caustic jokes, attempts at self deprecatory humour, you smile, but it doesn't really reach your eyes. But then, having the memory of a goldfish, my heart leaps at the next "nice guy" I go on a date with, this might be the one to actually go beyond date three, and then, almost too quickly, out come the red flags, out goes the dude. And here we are again.

I should just.. what? Lean back and let whatever happens happen? I'm trying that now, and let me tell you, not being proactive is equally painful for all those evenings when you count the couples you know and then you just want to go home and read and watch Entourage and grumble to yourself about everything. Being proactive means you leave yourself open a little bit to hurt and dismay, so it's a choice between that and this boredom + loneliness. Boreliness. Lonedom. Whatever way you spell it, this is where I am, and something had better change soon.

I'm looking for a Sunday Morning Person, someone to wake up with the next day, and make coffee and read the Sunday papers with and potter about with music on, and then say, lazily, "Brunch?" and then maybe you'll go out, but more likely, you'll stay in and draw the curtains and leave the world out of your Club For Two.

23 comments:

  1. There's no answer apart from wait and hope for the best.

    The older you get, the more fussy you get and you instantly spot all sorts of flaws. When I was younger I would be much more forgiving but now I'm like HANDS OFF immediately.

    The last guy I went out with was too OCD (perfect apartment, perfect scooter, perfectly planned date, perfect everything). The guy before him was too nice which I found boring. The guy before him didn't want to get married ever and thought engagement rings were a waste of money -- luckily he told me before we even kissed or anything, not after like 2 years of dating as they usually do. The guy before him took me to an Italian restaurant and corrected my Italian pronunciation when I ordered my pizza. (He wasn't even Italian.) The guy before him too busy with his career, running marathons and climbing Everest, I got tired of being his low-maintenance accessory / chef / booty call. The guy before him wasn't going anywhere in life and he was terrible in bed. And the guy before him was funny and successful and he travelled and he wrote and I thought he was perfect and so fell in love instantly and started imagining our future together ... and then he didn't call me the next day (or ever).

    Yes, there are times when I'm crying my eyes out and thinking OMG, I AM GOING TO DIE ALONE. Still better than dying next to some loser, though.

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  2. "Like, I play too casual, I know, I'm very undemanding, my girlfriends tell me this is a bad thing, but I'm not going to be one of those women who is all, "Why didn't you call me at 2, when you said you were going to?"

    -story of my life!!! probably a bit demanding and neurotic is essential and necessary...am trying to get there...sigh :-s

    am too bad at 'playing hard to get too' lol...

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  3. @Lucie I feel like we could have a contest. How about the guy who went to take a phone call which lasted half way through our date and when he got back, I (naturally) said, "Oh, is everything okay?" and he said, "Yeah, that was my girlfriend." I'm glad I didn't throw my lot in with him for very long (a little bit, I admit, but he was nice, briefly) because to this day, his line is still, "oh, we're breaking up soon." GAH. If I had a rupee for each time they said, "I like you, but.." I'd be a rich woman.

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  4. Hello eM,

    I have been reading your blog for the longest time, but I have never really commented.

    I just moved to Delhi, would you suggest a few nice places for dinner and drinks in south/ central Delhi?? Or even just drinks with nice music? :)

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  5. ooh that last paragraph i am waiting for that sunday for longest time ever ..and i have been married for 5 yrs now :(

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  6. Em, how do you write so beautifully?
    I loved "reminds-me-of-that-moment-you-cupped-my-chin-and-kissed-my-mouth".
    Beautiful, funny post; and I hope things turn out the way you want them to.

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  7. You know, it's like we often long for what we don't have. I have my Sunday Morning Person, one I wake up with, one I often do brunches with, or simply laze around in bed the whole day. And I'm happy and not bored and not lonely. Yet...as you describe the dates, the waiting for the call or message, I long for those days! Gah!

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  9. "Yeah, that was my girlfriend." Whaaaaaat? Seriously, after something like that I'd be tempted to go to the bathroom and never come back. Sneak out of the window or something, hahaha.

    And "oh, we're breaking up soon."? What does one reply to that? Congratulations?

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  10. this particular post makes me feel like you got into my head... read all of my sub conscious thoughts and penned them down here.

    But i guess its just a phase (or as i would like to believe in it) and will pass away.

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  11. beautifully and drolly written. you capture so well what we've all felt, at one time or another, on some level.

    hope your club for two is established very soon :)

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  12. I marked the pathos--it's so very touching. Thanks, a nice read for me.

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  13. Well done site-very interesting/informative...

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  14. A wise person once told me "Better do your own stuff than look to hunt for gold and find dung"

    Don't look around and be dismayed; instead be found out and then enjoy

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  15. Oh how well I know the 'Lonedom' feeling! I spent a few years panicking about it and then the next few years in a mad rush dating EVERYONE because it was better than dying of loneliness.
    It's a phase of life .. with no clear answers and direction. But as always, we all find our way somehow , somewhere and to someone.. :)

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  16. I'll keep you in my prayers...From one lonely woman to another

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  17. Oh, I wait for your posts every week and boy was it worth the wait, especially this time!!

    It was such a mirror to my thoughts/ feelings/ phase that for a split second it seemed like i might've written it n forgotten (not such gr8 writing though ;))

    Anyway, all the best with breaking the vicious circle and ur Club for 2!!! :)

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  18. Play it casual eM...play it so casual that when a guy asks you for that Sunday date, you think do I need it. Being low maintenance is cool, I guess what you should try is being inaccessible, or may be not completely inaccessible but difficult to get for sure. Remember expensive is perceived as better...Be Expensive!

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  19. Ahh..story of my life.. I was in relationship with a wonderful guy for a long time, and then we broke up. That was eons ago. But sometimes in my head we are still together.

    Now tell me, if this is pathetic or what!!!

    I have given up looking for decent guys. They are nowhere to be seen now!

    Childwoman~

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  20. This sounds like the story of my life!
    I'm longing for some respect and the sunday morning guy.
    In the same time it's the thing with playing hard to get...

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