11 May 2005

Don't you know, things will change, things will go your way, if you hold on, for one more day

I have this nagging ache in my jaw.
It's been there for some time--not a cavity kind of ache, just like I've been clenching and unclenching my jaw for a while. Which surprises me, because I don't normally clench my teeth. I'm probably doing it when I'm asleep then--my orthodontist told me I ground my teeth and my mum says when I was a baby, I'd gnash my gums.

It always amazes me that my orthodontist would know that. I mean, do they have signs or something, that tell them when a person is grinding their teeth? Are my molars worn down? It was equally surprising when my optician told me I slept with my eyes slightly open. Kinda creepy too. I don't want to be one of those people, who look really really scary when they're passed out. I know I talk in my sleep sometimes. (And I know this because d-uh, I went to boarding school and slept in a dormitory. Not because I've had any specific complaints). My friend, who used to sleep in the bed next to mine, said once I half-sat up and said, "Guys he's so cute!" She was worried, because the object of my affection then was a secret and I wasn't telling anyone about it. But luckily, before I could be more indiscreet, I went back to sleep. My mother also tells me once I sat up and asked her, "Do you like to eat ants?" "Not particularly," she replied and satisfied I slept undisturbed. She also told me I used to mumble to myself. I wonder if I still do that. I think the sleep talking has been outgrown. And I haven't had any complaints about snoring.

The object of my affection. There have been so many objects of my affection. And each time I thought to myself, ohmygodthisisit. And now I've even forgotten some of their names. At one time, they caused heart palpitations and sweaty palms and the brilliance of my day depended on them. Depended on whether they'd look over at me
after basketball practice and smile, depend on whether they'd pay special attention to me at the water cooler, or whether they'd send me an sms during my philosophy subsidiary, on whether their hand rested a moment longer on my back at a nightclub--silly little things for my day to hinge itself upon, don't you think? But as I grow older, out of school, out of college, it gets harder for the little things to be so very little. Now it would depnd on what he said, on how he said it, on meeting his friends, on his meeting mine, on the sex, so many, many, many expectations that is it any wonder my day is seldom brilliant?

But y'know? Funnily enough, even though I post and post and post about how I want a "relationship" etc, I realised over the past week, that I'm okay. My emotional switch is on 'off', I feel more confident than I have in weeks, and I've been catching up on my reading (even finished four new books over the last two weeks), catching up on television (thank you O Gods Of Star World for bringing back Boston Public). So yay me, right? I've become so balanced, I'm even giving advice to other people!

So that's it. Not a very long post this time. I just thought I'd let you all know I'm getting in touch with my inner zen. Blessings be upon you.

12 comments:

  1. omg i get to be first poster ;-). it's a big deal on slashdot ( for those into geek ego-hassles ).

    people still listen to Wilson Philips ?? people your age!

    i think the zen interpretation would be that maybe you're being steered by the universe towards a relationship with your orthodontist.

    i get deep on tuesdays.

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  2. I am SO glad I don't talk in my sleep. Most of the things that go through my mind simply cannot be shared (or explained away).

    And eM, great as a relationship can be, there's also a lot to be said for being single. Provided you're promiscuous, of course. That really helps.

    BTW Abstract, I've got two Wilson Philips songs in my iPod. And the theme songs to Gummi Bears and Wonder Woman. And I believe I'm older than eM!

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  3. I used to sleep with my eyes creepily half-open when I was a kid as well. Then my brother taped them shut with scotch tape while I was asleep one night. Fuck. Couldn't open my eyes when I woke up... funny now but terrifying then!

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  4. most definitely yay you ! fly like you never flew before :)

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  5. abstract logic: i'm one pop-culture generation older than eM, so i know what confuses you. am sure Jay's reply didn't help. Wilson Phillips are back, circa 2004, so i think thats how the kids know about them.

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  6. A-hem. Twenty THREE. And the reason I like Wilson Philips is because my cousins used to listen to this song a lot when I was a kid and the tune got stuck in my head recently. Okay?
    Now that that's done.


    abstract: Riiiiiiight. With my orthodontist? She's an ex-orthodontist now, obviously, since my braces have been off for a while.

    Jay: While I LOVE the promiscuity, inner zen says do not be slutty :)

    Motheater: Ooh that must've been scary. See, THIS is why I love being an only child!

    sml: Thanks so much! I fully intend to.

    fingeek: On MY blog, we will not refer to me as "the kids". :)

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  7. So Boston Public is back, eh? And The Practice?

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  8. eM, I used to eat ants once. :)) pity I have no memories of that phase of my gastronomically adventurous life.
    And I thought my inner zen was also telling me to stay off - long-term, fling, roll-in-hay, all of it - but someone wise told me recently that I was more a scared child than a zen whateverucallit... and I think he's right

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  9. From my personal experience, I met every one of my long term boyfriends as soon as I turned off my emotional switch. It's like some sort of cosmic relationship signal.

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  10. My, you guys have been busy.

    eM: I once shared a room with a colleague on who aked me "Are you a light sleeper? If you are, I'll wear my protector." Then he shows me the kind of plastic guard boxers chewed on. And mucho gracias for linking me babe.

    Jay and Abstract: I have the theme songs to Kim Possible and Teen Titans on my iPod. And Kermit the Frog singing Rainbow Connection!

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