I have this nagging ache in my jaw.
It's been there for some time--not a cavity kind of ache, just like I've been clenching and unclenching my jaw for a while. Which surprises me, because I don't normally clench my teeth. I'm probably doing it when I'm asleep then--my orthodontist told me I ground my teeth and my mum says when I was a baby, I'd gnash my gums.
It always amazes me that my orthodontist would know that. I mean, do they have signs or something, that tell them when a person is grinding their teeth? Are my molars worn down? It was equally surprising when my optician told me I slept with my eyes slightly open. Kinda creepy too. I don't want to be one of those people, who look really really scary when they're passed out. I know I talk in my sleep sometimes. (And I know this because d-uh, I went to boarding school and slept in a dormitory. Not because I've had any specific complaints). My friend, who used to sleep in the bed next to mine, said once I half-sat up and said, "Guys he's so cute!" She was worried, because the object of my affection then was a secret and I wasn't telling anyone about it. But luckily, before I could be more indiscreet, I went back to sleep. My mother also tells me once I sat up and asked her, "Do you like to eat ants?" "Not particularly," she replied and satisfied I slept undisturbed. She also told me I used to mumble to myself. I wonder if I still do that. I think the sleep talking has been outgrown. And I haven't had any complaints about snoring.
The object of my affection. There have been so many objects of my affection. And each time I thought to myself, ohmygodthisisit. And now I've even forgotten some of their names. At one time, they caused heart palpitations and sweaty palms and the brilliance of my day depended on them. Depended on whether they'd look over at me
after basketball practice and smile, depend on whether they'd pay special attention to me at the water cooler, or whether they'd send me an sms during my philosophy subsidiary, on whether their hand rested a moment longer on my back at a nightclub--silly little things for my day to hinge itself upon, don't you think? But as I grow older, out of school, out of college, it gets harder for the little things to be so very little. Now it would depnd on what he said, on how he said it, on meeting his friends, on his meeting mine, on the sex, so many, many, many expectations that is it any wonder my day is seldom brilliant?
But y'know? Funnily enough, even though I post and post and post about how I want a "relationship" etc, I realised over the past week, that I'm okay. My emotional switch is on 'off', I feel more confident than I have in weeks, and I've been catching up on my reading (even finished four new books over the last two weeks), catching up on television (thank you O Gods Of Star World for bringing back Boston Public). So yay me, right? I've become so balanced, I'm even giving advice to other people!
So that's it. Not a very long post this time. I just thought I'd let you all know I'm getting in touch with my inner zen. Blessings be upon you.