16 November 2005

This one, says he wants to buy you rockets, ain't in his head now

If I wasn't a journalist, I'd be a DJ. I'd have this really cool DJ name also, like Lotus Blossom and have pink and blue streaks in my hair. I'd only play rock and alternative stuff and no requests. I'm not a jukebox. You want Dus Bahane, go to a shaadi.

I'd have this bunch of groupies-- young, stoned men and idealistic young women. They'd sit as close to the DJ console as they could and grip their beer and bop their heads along to the music. Other people would listen to me also, but only the really brave would attempt to dance to my music, because the beats just wouldn' be typical. And from all over the place people would want to come to the club.

The owner of the club would be my best friend. At the end of the night, she'd bring me a drink and we'd play the winding down song-- usually something like Iris or Deep Inside Of You. Every July through September we'd take off and go to Argentina. Or Moscow. Or Kanyakumari. Wherever we hadn't been before. We'd bead our hair and draw mehendi tattoos spiralling out of our navels. And we'd always be near a beach, so that a man named Jojo would make us cheese omelettes and mojitos every day.



If I wasn't a DJ, I'd run a general store in a small hill station. Like Manali, or Dharamsala or perhaps even remoter--Lovedale. It'd be the kind of store that smelt of fresh bread and brown paper wrapping. I'd be the cool city girl, that no one knew much about, but everyone respected, coz I had made a niche for myself, on my own. And I'd have this farm, which I ran myself and a cocker spaniel, a beagle and an English sheepdog who were always at the store.

I'd have these huge homemade candies in these glass jars and kids would like be in and out every day to buy some. And I'd know about what everyone was up to, because the women, who came to stock up on bread and cheese and pickle and all (all of which I made myself) would tell me about their lives, and I'd listen and give advice.

At the back of the store, I'd have a small room, with a roaring fire and a sheepskin rug and a comfortable armchair and I'd curl up in that to read at tea time. Sometimes, the village vet, a young man who would be passionately in love with me, would join me for tea. But I'd be better off alone and I'd tell him that gently, with my eyes.


If I wasn't a general store owner, I'd be a Romanian movie star. The kind who is very, very pale and wears huge sunglasses and has a vampire accent. I'd be cast in all these 20s remake movies, because I'd totally look like a flapper, or any of the teen movies, because I'd be the foreign exchange student.

My big break would finally come when they made a movie called Chocolate Frosting For Ethel and cast me as Ethel. Ethel would be this chick, raised in foster families all her life who landed up living on a commune and falling in love with a bearded poet. I'd win my first Oscar for that movie and people would start calling me the Ravishing Romanian.


After kickstarting my career like that, I'd start working on a drama for television all about this family in a small town where the girl is a deaf mute. Deaf mutes everywhere would love me and sign that to me when I went to visit them--all over the world. I'd be like their poster girl and one of Time Magazine's "Moments Of The Year" would be a shot of me crying at a press con, going, "I can't feel your pain, but I can try."

37 comments:

  1. Nice Imagination girl...
    You could write a film script combining these roles & approach Subhash Ghai !
    *Smirk*

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  2. Great post. Got me thinking what Ill be if I wasnt a Doc.

    If I wasnt a doctor, Ill be a wine taster. Ill smell wine all day long.

    Doc

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  3. I've always wanted to change my name to something like Tiger-Lily Ivy. (Perhaps when I start an acid jazz band and we're touring and picking up groupies from the Mediterranean.)
    In case that doesn't quite work out eM, do consider me as your understudy for the role of Ethel - when the movie has been adapted for theatre, of course.
    =)

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  4. If you have a name like Lotus Blossom, you'd have to play Goa Psy trance than rock my dear friend. Waise the first part has a distinct bored urban uber lesbian overtone to it. How could you have missed Piano Man in the list of the songs, the spirits (the invisible ones) of TC will never forgive you now!

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  5. what exactly is a vampire accent?

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  6. sumanth: Subash Ghai? Really? I wonder who'd play me in the Bollywood version!

    docs dope: Only smell? Buddy, the best part about being a wine taster would be to TASTE the wine, yes?

    hyde: *sigh* yeah, I suppose so


    chamique: Tiger Lily Ivy is nice :) You must take me along as DJ Lotus Blossom to the Meditteranean :)

    codey: Piano Man! Of course! How could I forget?? And DJ Lotus Blossom will play what she likes, thankyouverymuch :)

    curious romanian: Oh dear. I didn't mean any offense! I only meant like in the movies where they say, "I vant to suck your blood."

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  7. "Iris" being played in a club!!!
    never mind.

    how about some indie rock?

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  8. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  9. no offense taken
    i only thought it's a very cute thing to say
    so next time someone will comment on my accent i'll just say it's a vampire one

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  10. btw didn't u think of hitting Goa? You can probably do every thing! Be a DJ by nite, run a bakery, shop, restaurant by day and if u do all this in some 'commune' near morjem, therakol or anyplace where the israelis do hash you can act and write your own film script simultaneously.....

    too bad wine tasters are not allowed to swallow the stuff... there make excellent fruit wines here and thatz not feni.....

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  11. Lotus Blossom?? Sounds more like an Chinese concubine than a DJ!

    hmm what else... oh yeah.. what medication are u on?? can i get it too?? puhleeezee!!???

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  12. shit i have been typing the same shit again and again

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  13. when u were not a journo, did u ever want to be one... and if yes, what kind??

    just thought that'd be cool read on ur blog as well ;)

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  14. Vampire Accent :
    Angelina Jolie in "Alexxanderr"

    Nice post, the girl in a remote hillstation general store/bakery seems very similar to my very own escapist fantasy except that women travelling to that place fall for enigmatic me but I show disinterest in anything but the immediate.

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  15. 'The vet in love with pretty girl in village shop' bit sounds vaguely familiar. Now where have I read this one?

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  16. You see things; and you say, "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?"
    - George Bernard Shaw

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  17. As I'd believe, Pitstops are more enchanting than the destination.

    Taste would eventually come, but the "Smell" that leads to the yearning of it, is far more captivating..well, think of another semblance, foreplay and.... ,yes? :)

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  18. hello, have you thought about adding an RSS feed or aton link to your site? that way people can keep up with your posts. good read, btw.

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  19. if u wud be this then i wud probably wish i cud live ur life for a week or 2 :)

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  20. The Romanian accent is charming. A cross between a really pronounced Italian drawl and a Slavic undertone. Although I'm the only one who seems to perceive the Slavic undertone, my Romanian friends tell me their language is all Romance.

    Curious Romanian, Che fache?

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  21. ....but you'd still be blogging, no?
    :-)
    loved this post,eM. Most of all.

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  22. Something's not right...
    oh yeah, no birds and bees... Whatever happened to free love?

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  23. Excellent writing. Very imaginative.

    I want to open a Jazz/Blues club, which would have very moody lighting, a smoke filled room and lots of exotic booze. Occasionally I will throw an on-the-house night for regulars.

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  24. whitelight: nope, only rock and alternative. I'd be very rigid about my music, you see :)

    curious: :)

    mumbai journo: ah, goa. I'd love to do Goa as well actually. But I'm thinking that'll be for my 4th fantasy, where I'm a scuba diver instructor :)

    tama: it's called dream on, buddy

    amitken: I actually stumbled into my profession. But I always thought i'd cover crime or something!

    traveller: You and all the other men I know! :)

    toe knee: Nope, no idea.

    monolith: Ooh, lovely! Thanks

    docs dope: :)

    anon: if you're on bloglines or some other software, you can subscribe automatically. :)

    prerona: Oh me too! :)

    t_m: che fache?

    shub: Oh i'd do more than that! I'd write a book!

    sandeep: that goes wihtout saying :)

    anurag: ooh, yeah, that'd be a good plan too! :)

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  25. as i'm getting increasingly lost in the muddlesome path of becoming a sorry-ass scientist, i keep thinking of my dream job - to be a travelling journalist. the kind of discovery channel who sees new places, eats fab food, meets new pple and gets paid for it.

    if i wasn't that, i'd open a bed and breakfast in a small little town with my husband. and i'd have free freshly baked chocolate muffins in the mornings with freshly brewed coffee for all the tenants.

    :( thinking about this always makes me sad. both of it would never work in singapore.

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  26. If I weren't..., I would've been...

    Sorry for being a pain.

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  27. In Romanian

    How are you = Ce Faci (pronounced che fache)

    http://www.transparent.com/languagepages/romanian/RoPhrases.htm

    Here you go. Romanian phrases with an audio guide. Romania used to be the crossroads of the Roman empire, notice the similarity with Italian and Latin.

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  28. but how is indie different from alt? it's just that alt has become mainstream now.

    bands like modest mouse, smashing pumpkins, radiohead, neutral milk hotel, wilco, manic street preachers. these are all indie bands, my dear. and you won't play them!!

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  29. If I wasn't a glamorous callcentre worker I'd be a bestselling celebrity novelist with movie deals and merchandising rights and more money than I can fling at gay-for-pay pornstars and expensive rentboys.

    But I am a glamorous callcentre worker.

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  30. Wonderfully evocative piece. Well written indeed.

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  31. Screw everything else. You open the Disc/Joint/Pub/Bar/Hole or wateva you wanna call it and i'll supply you all the Third Eye BLind/Three Doors Down/Puddle Of Mudd/Lost Prophets albums you could ever want to keep the music alive till the wee hours of every morning.
    P.S. your other professions--like i said before--Screw everything else if you're playing 3EB.

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  32. Nice!
    Felt like a Betty dream sequence in 'Mulholland Drive'.Hope the similarity ends there.

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  33. romanian language shares 77% similarities with the italian one.
    even the name romanian comes from...Rome.
    we also have too many slavic influences
    to make it short: a romanian understands italian but an italian doesn't understand romanian.

    a curious romanian

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  34. I like all the little details that add to the post. Very nice, my little lotus blossum.

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  35. been watching too much chocolat, eh?! :)

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